Today, on Dr. Phil… - FML

Today, on Dr. Phil…

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 921

You deserved it 478

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Slacker

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 08:00 - United States - Babylon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 109

My pleasure

By billjoebob424 - 07/02/2020 01:00 - Canada

Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 267

You deserved it 735

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 925

You deserved it 7 475

Mind games

By LittleRed - 05/03/2012 08:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 095

You deserved it 4 280

By erin - 04/02/2010 14:51 - France

Spicy

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cybersex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 303

You deserved it 33 784

By Joe - 08/07/2011 18:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 719

You deserved it 22 421

By itchtoscratch - 04/07/2016 04:14

Spicy

Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 915

You deserved it 3 098

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 466

You deserved it 8 076

By wet dreams - 12/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Cartersville

Spicy

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 986

You deserved it 4 570

To each their own

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 293

Next

Top comments

user53658 15

Tuesday 24 September 2019 12:11

Congratulations on this important insight, masturbating instead of having real sex will save you a ton of drama, trouble and money in the long run.

Kevin Fletcher 10

Monday 23 September 2019 22:42

Less pressure. Makes sense

Comments

ahabsfan 14

Monday 23 September 2019 18:36

Pictures don’t speak. I get it.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 23 September 2019 22:39

Does she look good, but smell bad?

Kevin Fletcher 10

Monday 23 September 2019 22:42

Less pressure. Makes sense

user53658 15

Tuesday 24 September 2019 12:11

Congratulations on this important insight, masturbating instead of having real sex will save you a ton of drama, trouble and money in the long run.

WeirdUS 29

Sunday 29 September 2019 1:47

Been there, dated someone I found very attractive but we are not on the same page as far as sex. Sex and Money are the 2 biggest reasons for cheating and/or the relationship ending.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Zoom

The Top

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 875

You deserved it 2 095

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 978

The Top

Today, my mom went through my drawers and found some antibiotics from Planned Parenthood. She immediately flew into a rage and told my whole family, my aunts, and her church that I was a “loose woman with a horrible disease.” The antibiotics were to treat bacterial vaginosis, not an STD at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 133

Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 720

You deserved it 13 097

Today, I drove across three states, starting out at 4:30am, to do on-site tech work. Once I arrived, I was informed that work was scheduled tomorrow, not today, which wasn't my fault, they messed up. I lost a whole day and gas costs. I don’t get paid for this unless I do the work. I’m stuck in South Dakota. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 111

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went out for dinner. To my surprise, our families were also in the restaurant, to witness him propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 832

You deserved it 14 385

Today, my boyfriend told me to text him when I got home to let him know I'd made it home safe. He said if I didn't, he'd assume that aliens had abducted me and that he'd get a new girlfriend. He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 049

You deserved it 3 797

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 960

You deserved it 3 773