Intimacy: Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky...

By oops - 29/07/2015 06:15 - United States

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 963

You deserved it 9 774

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Same thing different taste

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 618

You deserved it 43 658

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 746

By Anonymous - 31/08/2013 20:52 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 928

You deserved it 4 019

By avocadotoe - 14/11/2016 06:52 - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 199

You deserved it 3 113

By fmlfmlfml - 10/07/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 887

You deserved it 60 980

Secretive

By whattheHellman - 23/10/2022 09:00 - Australia - Traralgon

Today, my boyfriend starting going off on me, calling me a psycho, all because I opened our bedroom door while he was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 123

By breeeeeh - 21/06/2013 22:18 - France - Brou-sur-chantereine

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 681

You deserved it 69 953

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 194

You deserved it 3 230

Mortified

By killmenow - 21/02/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs, and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barged in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 992

You deserved it 8 943

Baseless assumptions

By afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 384

You deserved it 12 103

illusionay 10

Wednesday 29 July 2015 15:51

At least he cares about you

Wolfipoo 31

Wednesday 29 July 2015 15:52

Sucks to be you OP, but seriously, be more careful and check next time.

Comments

nina0917 26

Thursday 30 July 2015 4:55

you can at least have respect for there home go somewhere else next time ydi

vikky538 28

Thursday 30 July 2015 4:57

He cares about you. And you have look twice to make sure no body is at home when wanna be frisky.

beeneatenalive 12

Thursday 30 July 2015 5:26

Good brother

Lexipants 21

Thursday 30 July 2015 5:30

Awww. That's actually pretty cute. He loves you!

lesliehalverson 5

Thursday 30 July 2015 5:42

Aw poor kid. I feel so bad for autistic kids, he's so innocent!

fyvaprold 11

Thursday 30 July 2015 6:17

Is his nickname "Rain Man"?

Hildy93 21

Thursday 30 July 2015 6:47

Don't ever assume. ALWAYS make sure you're alone first.

TheBossBryson 11

Thursday 30 July 2015 7:09

Honestly, autism sucks too soooo that's the biggest FML of this story

Naoto_Shirogane 17

Thursday 30 July 2015 8:57

Autism itself does not have to suck. For many, it is actually the comorbid conditions that suck.

BasedgodFYB 8

Thursday 30 July 2015 9:04

Half way means you finished after that

SoulLace 9

Thursday 30 July 2015 19:50

Hey that sucks and you shoudve checked. But atleast you know someone cares for you an awful lot.

Keywords

Family Love Cute My ex Awkward Embarrassing Work Weird Miscellaneous Cancer Ironic Relatable Party Proposal Bosses Empathy Dogs Animals Furniture Zoom Phone calls Cats Amazon Delivery Babysitter Kids Birds Mysterious Scary Stuck

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 47 492

You deserved it 24 484

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 742

You deserved it 3 884

The Top

Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 824

You deserved it 7 111

Today, a gorgeous girl was making eyes at me in a cafe, and she actually came and said hi to me. Before I could say hi back, my brother said to her, “Stop making eyes at my boyfriend you slut.” She left upset and I wanted to murder him. He thought it was the best prank ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 112

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 472

You deserved it 3 378

Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 263

You deserved it 54 091

Today, I found out the reason why my car has smelled so bad for the past two weeks. It turns out when my sister was bringing in groceries from my car she forgot to grab the raw chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 722

You deserved it 3 441

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 887

You deserved it 3 597