Kids: Today, whenever I do something that the kid I am babysitting...

By Anonymous - 19/07/2011 18:03 - United States

Today, whenever I do something that the kid I am babysitting likes, he pats me on the head and says "good girl". I'm whipped by a seven year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 543

You deserved it 8 560

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Same thing different taste

By YAABOIII - 05/04/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 219

You deserved it 8 808

Threat

By fuck you, kid - 16/07/2014 18:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 351

You deserved it 4 015

By Missyangel - 31/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 376

You deserved it 11 458

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 992

You deserved it 4 772

By amiliaroberts123 - 15/10/2012 00:45 - United States - Raphine

Today, I was babysitting, and we were playing a game. Because he was little, I let him win all the games. He then turned to me and said, "You're really bad at this." I got very defensive and won the next game, and was actually proud that I beat a 3-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 344

You deserved it 8 934

By lamponau - 09/11/2008 11:26 - France

Today, my 6-year-old son said to me, "You smell nice daddy." Surprised but flattered, I thanked him. He then added, "I like the smell of cheese!'" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 6 179

What up big pimps?

By Anonymous - 05/05/2023 12:00

Today, I just got done being yelled at by my son's headteacher and a bunch of parents, all because my 6 year-old son has been arranging kiss dates between his classmates in exchange for sweets and so on. My little pimp in training. Not a proud dad moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 198

By MommyProblems - 19/01/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 037

You deserved it 6 860

Damian?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 06:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 116

Dat ass

By brandonborgie - 10/08/2021 04:01 - Australia

Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 126

mk58 31

Wednesday 20 July 2011 0:04

You're like his bitch.

Mi24hind 0

Wednesday 20 July 2011 0:10

I see a pimp in the making

Comments

BaconDave 12

Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:10

Though it might give you migraines

nahgemoohc 17

Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:17

Whenever she does something you don't like, shake her by the neck and say 'no'

FunnyGuy5051 7

Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:21

#211 we have so much on common

Iamnotmyself 17

Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:22

-215 Like what!? I was told I was specusial by my mommy

FunnyGuy5051 7

Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:25

pretty much everything on your "about me"

Iamnotmyself 17

Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:26

-217 MY HAND IS CHEATING ON ME WITH YOU!? why!?

flockz 19

Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:29

am i a cool kid? lawl now theres something i can add to my compliment jar!

Iamnotmyself 17

Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:30

-220 You also taste great with syrup!

FunnyGuy5051 7

Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:30

the hand told me you was being abusive so I felt bad for him and stuff happened...

Iamnotmyself 17

Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:40

-222 Message me :D -223 OMFG BONERS TALKED TO ME!!! TOUCH ME SO I MAY BECOME LEGENDARY

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 331

You deserved it 41 023

Today, my brother and sister-in-law come over ONLY to use up the resources at our house - like food, TV subscriptions, and other items. They claim to love my kids and come over for them. If only they would look up from their phone and spend actual time with the kids. Is there a way to block toxic relatives? FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 109

The Top

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 853

You deserved it 16 533

Today, like most days, I awoke from a dream where my hair was long again. This time, it was in the way while I was trying to drink water from a fountain. I lost my hair from chemo; it's slowly growing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 350

Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 168

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 240

You deserved it 2 959

Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 638

You deserved it 3 526

Today, I've been guilt tripped, ranted at, called names, ostracized and told what a horrible person I am for, "turning my back on family." My former brother is in jail for unspeakable crimes, yet somehow I’m the bad guy for not standing by and supporting him or offering to help pay for a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 86

Same thing different taste

Threat

What up big pimps?

Damian?

Dat ass

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