Inappropriate and Miscellaneous: Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary,... - FML

By god - 29/04/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Livingston

Spicy

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 323

You deserved it 5 567

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Creeper Alert

By of fucking course - 05/09/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 149

You deserved it 897

By suffersecks - 20/01/2012 23:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 650

You deserved it 6 199

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 079

You deserved it 51 000

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 195

You deserved it 4 507

So hott

By facepalm - 27/02/2009 08:39 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 764

You deserved it 15 173

By princess - 12/04/2014 21:01 - United States - San Marcos

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 586

You deserved it 7 162

Common passion

By ShowerheadGirl - 09/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 167

You deserved it 25 250

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 17:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 866

You deserved it 5 563

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - 15/07/2016 20:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 695

You deserved it 1 020

Classic Dave

By Sarahir - 29/04/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 196

You deserved it 406

Next

Top comments

PossiblyInDanger 24

Wednesday 30 April 2014 0:07

At least you didn't find out he was cheating on you.

niallo 23

Wednesday 30 April 2014 0:08

At least he kept a good grip on the situation.

Comments

Federgirl 19

Wednesday 30 April 2014 14:33

that's disgusting!!!! ewww.

Sangue0608 26

Wednesday 30 April 2014 14:43

She can't even tell him to go **** himself, he already did.

shujaswati 20

Wednesday 30 April 2014 14:52

challenge accepted!!!!!

yourstruly259 3

Wednesday 30 April 2014 15:33

That's the funniest comeback ever lol

JanisEvans 10

Wednesday 30 April 2014 18:19

That's actually pretty awesome.

miss_amphetamine 24

Tuesday 12 August 2014 11:51

Agreed.

gaseousflaw 1

Wednesday 30 April 2014 18:26

Time for a divorce

aeldredge70 7

Wednesday 30 April 2014 19:17

YUCK

squarecircles 13

Wednesday 30 April 2014 21:38

Perfect timing for the waiter to come in: "How's everything?"

Kayaytea 18

Wednesday 30 April 2014 21:58

At least he was looking at you when he did it...right?

WillowB47 12

Wednesday 30 April 2014 22:21

That is epic haha

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Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Zoom

The Top

Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 125

Today, the woman I love, who rejected me countless times, got a boyfriend. Bitter about it, I post on my Instagram Story: “I could have been your love bug, but apparently you’re into roaches.” She posted a story of them kissing, saying, “I love my roach so much!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 1 183

The Top

Today, after I've spent years cultivating my reputation at work as a hardass who's good to his team, as long as they're competent and own up to mistakes, my mother came as a customer and suddenly I'm a kid all over again. She even tried to pat my head and ask if I'm eating enough. Now my team all keep smirking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 301

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 945

You deserved it 41 136

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 380

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy. We went back to his place, and after getting it on, he rolled onto his back and told me, "You can put that on your Bumble profile, you got a good dicking" then helicoptered his dick around, thinking it was sexy. I missed the last train, so I walked home after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 680

Today, a rat ran into my flat when I opened my front door. After chasing it around the house for a bit, I saw it run towards the open front door. I couldn't find it again, so I figured he'd left. Then I heard my heater shaking loudly, a horrific squeaking sound, and the fan shuddering to a stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 468

You deserved it 472

Today, my husband told me that he and my cousin had been seeing each other for the past two months. The cousin I took in because my aunt kicked her out for dropping out of high school. I’ve clothed, fed and paid bills for this homewrecker. She’s barely 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 642

You deserved it 165