Intimacy: Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time,... - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

By Anonymous - 12/08/2015 02:23 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 312

You deserved it 4 529

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 609

You deserved it 32 075

Like a virgin

By chchboy - 22/05/2012 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 171

You deserved it 7 128

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Spicy

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 193

You deserved it 8 671

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 207

You deserved it 10 870

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 20:12 - United States - Ellicott City

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 679

You deserved it 8 170

Girls will be girls

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 759

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 487

You deserved it 9 868

Feelings

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 00:46 - United States - Beaumont

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 628

You deserved it 9 806

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 134

You deserved it 7 033

Bad sign

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 01:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 873

You deserved it 6 273

Next

Top comments

JuzReading 23

Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:12

Reminds me of that FML where the girlfriend asked her boyfriend to get hard for her even though he was. Anyway, don't worry about it OP, this where your mouth and fingers come in handy.

Cads1 24

Wednesday 12 August 2015 15:09

Ouch, that's gotta hurt.

Comments

mbock 15

Thursday 13 August 2015 8:05

is she a **** star? that'd be awesome!!! sneak a baseball bat next time....(ask and you shall receive)

jawarston 24

Thursday 13 August 2015 8:19

DAMN . One sentence no man ever wants to hear

morgasshk 14

Thursday 13 August 2015 9:17

I hearby dub thee: Tic tac

Turtle83 1

Thursday 13 August 2015 9:33

Ouch!!! Worst comment to hear ever!!!!_

DasPeter 9

Thursday 13 August 2015 9:59

"That's all folks"

kandysnow 18

Thursday 13 August 2015 12:07

If I see one more "That's all folks" comment........

HorrorJr 26

Thursday 13 August 2015 13:53

That's all folks FeelsBadMan

TheNewGuy03 28

Thursday 13 August 2015 21:40

That's the kind of shit that kills your boner ... and your soul.

wickedhyype 17

Thursday 13 August 2015 23:41

Awee.... Fyl :/

edmunson 22

Friday 14 August 2015 8:55

The ultimate insult, and if the shoe fits...well, you know!

5
6
7
8
9

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Healthy Lifestyle Sex Relatable Kids Parenting Relationship advice Argument Animals Embarrassing Dogs Poopoo peepee Vacation Money Capitalism Work Transportation Cars Dad jokes Parents Friends Birthday Family Surprise Shopping Zoom Cute Intimacy Paranoia Cheating

The Top

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 448

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 158

You deserved it 10 365

The Top

Today, I started lactating. That would be fine if I had a kid. Or was pregnant. Or wasn't 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 723

You deserved it 2 734

Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 693

You deserved it 4 821

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 341

You deserved it 408

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and badly needed to pee. Just as I was about to say I had to go to the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly put his hands around my stomach and picked me up. He hit just the right spot, causing me to empty my bladder then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 365

You deserved it 4 501

Today, at the office, after a heavy night of drinking, I had to hear my boss walk around with bells attached to her shoes. She circled the office a total of 34 times today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 034

You deserved it 28 612

Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 870

You deserved it 5 301