Intimacy: Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn...

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 140

You deserved it 11 222

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 20:03 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 906

You deserved it 4 919

What the…

By bunny - 16/08/2009 13:58 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 342

You deserved it 5 007

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 056

You deserved it 3 517

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 6 707

Exercise One

By blah - 02/06/2020 23:00

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 436

By R_U_CEREAL - 04/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 098

You deserved it 13 729

Humping

By needanotherbed - 28/05/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 414

You deserved it 6 196

Not helping

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 06:00 - Spain

Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 1 304

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 689

You deserved it 9 297

Doggy style

By failuretolaunch2 - 26/02/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 575

You deserved it 4 902

Xx3rdBASSxX 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 19:05

Was the pillow pet Horney?

MicroFuturism 1

Sunday 4 December 2011 19:05

Pfft don't be so uptight.

Comments

rosaparks14 0

Sunday 11 December 2011 2:21

FML if this is all people can say for an FML on their life

ForeverGLFan 6

Sunday 11 December 2011 13:28

Holy shit! Go get a new man quick!

Booskie_7 0

Friday 16 December 2011 3:10

Lame!!

Waschlappen 23

Friday 16 December 2011 19:42

I actually found this funny, and I am a girl. Maybe it's just me who have lame guy humor, but I would have laughed! :)

LiviaLuvsYou 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 1:11

Lmao... I'll trade you boyfriends (:

askantik 4

Wednesday 21 December 2011 4:01

Now, I'm not hating on anyone, but it's pretty lame that you want to call someone childish while you have a unicorn pillow...

KrickaLouise08 1

Thursday 22 December 2011 15:18

Why didn't u start humping your boyfriend back?? Lol

danielleeex357 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:11

You told him to stop acting like a child.. Yet you're the one with the unicorn pillow pet.........

alliebaba7 8

Thursday 29 December 2011 4:39

Lol he was probably trying to tell you something

swagmad 0

Saturday 31 December 2011 19:03

Nice was it a sexy unicorn

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Cats DIY Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Transportation ADHD Dogs Animals Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, it's only day three of my annual vacation. Rest and relaxation? Afraid not! For the past days, I've been haunted by the constant thought of how much work will be piled up when I get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 137

Today, I was been accused of stealing lunches from the fridge at work. I’m a huge germaphobe and would NEVER eat someone else’s food, but because I’m the fattest one in the office, everyone automatically blamed me. Hashtag fatgirlproblems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 133

The Top

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 770

You deserved it 4 608

Today, I was told by a doctor in no uncertain terms that, with all of my mental and physical health conditions and personality disorders, there is, "absolutely no way I can possibly live a normal life, unless a miracle occurs." Well, I guess I'll just go fuck myself, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 180

Today, as I put my 4 year-old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 120

You deserved it 9 205

Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me felt sick and started to throw up. In Peru, they shove 8 people into a 5-seater car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 88

Today, I am a silly man who thought I could still get in and out of the bath at 76 years-old, even though I have only had showers for the past 15 years. So, when I got stuck in the bath, I had to call my poor wife to come and help my naked ass stand up, and yes, she asked me to write this for laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 125

Today, my husband started a new job as an OTR truck driver. He was assigned one week of home time each month, which happens to be the same exact week my period comes every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 161

You deserved it 256