Intimacy: Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn... - FML

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 13:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 140

You deserved it 11 222

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 20:03 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 906

You deserved it 4 919

What the…

By bunny - 16/08/2009 13:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 342

You deserved it 5 007

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 056

You deserved it 3 517

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 6 707

Exercise One

By blah - 02/06/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 436

By R_U_CEREAL - 04/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 098

You deserved it 13 729

Humping

By needanotherbed - 28/05/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Spicy

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 414

You deserved it 6 196

Not helping

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 06:00 - Spain

Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 1 304

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 689

You deserved it 9 297

Doggy style

By failuretolaunch2 - 26/02/2015 03:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 575

You deserved it 4 902

Next

Top comments

Xx3rdBASSxX 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 19:05

Was the pillow pet Horney?

MicroFuturism 1

Sunday 4 December 2011 19:05

Pfft don't be so uptight.

Comments

KobeLebroJordan 17

Wednesday 15 April 2015 20:51

Don't act childish? You're the one with a unicorn pillow pet

meowymomma 14

Thursday 21 April 2016 5:20

the fact that this is something my husband would do.....

ifuckuprandomly 28

Monday 6 June 2016 1:39

You tell him to stop being a child, yet you have a 'unicorn pillow pet'? Sounds like you're both a little childish.

AmbrosiaFan 18

Wednesday 21 December 2016 2:28

FFS have some sex with the guy... He sounds funny :)

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 065

You deserved it 410

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 135

You deserved it 4 975

The Top

Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 455

You deserved it 4 468

Today, while stocking the shelves, a customer demanded I ring up his stuff. I’m not a cashier and therefore don’t have a login code to do so, so I told him as such. He then pulled out a knife and threatened to stab me if I didn’t ring him up. I’m currently writing this from the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 92

Today, I was driving when I saw a spider hanging from the ceiling of my car. I'm terrified of spiders, so I was watching it instead the road. When I looked back at the road, I had just enough time to swerve to miss the fire hydrant but not the tree. Even the cops laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 111

You deserved it 32 243

Today, after her very first driving lesson, my daughter came home claiming she did really well. Which is suspicious since her instructor was at that moment on the phone with me yelling, saying I must be crazy if I think she’s ever getting in his car again, and that I should explain to her what a bus pass is. FML

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You deserved it 102

Today, I laid in bed until 3am kept up by a house party. In my own house. Which my housemates didn't invite me to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 718

You deserved it 3 656

Today, I moved in with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own. I now pay 100% of the bills and can't leave because I can't save to replace my stolen/totaled car. I also can't drop my mask at home because 33 is apparently to old to be autistic, and I'm so tired and burnt out. I'm also not allowed to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 127