Intimacy: Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy...

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By myasshurts - 14/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 745

You deserved it 6 669

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Same thing different taste

By Volume_control - 10/11/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 857

You deserved it 31 418

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 479

You deserved it 5 233

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 326

You deserved it 5 077

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 112

You deserved it 1 171

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 742

You deserved it 36 375

By keepsmiling - 02/09/2009 11:19 - France

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 415

You deserved it 47 613

By Ape - 17/12/2012 23:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 040

You deserved it 8 676

By uhoh - 16/02/2013 05:27 - Canada - Sechelt

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 558

You deserved it 59 989

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 943

You deserved it 10 204

Orders

By belljars - 18/04/2014 02:27 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 224

You deserved it 9 157

nolaneldridge 1

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:06

"get ready to feel the thunda!!!"

TheFakeFamilyGuy 9

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:05

Is he?

Comments

Emren829 0

Thursday 15 December 2011 5:01

That is so something my boyfriend would do

supernatural1031 1

Sunday 18 December 2011 3:28

maybe i have a warped sense of humor for a chick but i think thats hilarious! i would laugh my ass off if my bf did that :D

Morgasaurus 7

Friday 23 December 2011 4:41

That's when you should have slapped his face with excruciating force and screamed, " I AM THE LIGHTNING!"

hellojazzii 0

Friday 23 December 2011 10:06

ahahahahaha!

krashbandit 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 6:39

I'm sorry but that's hilarious! At least he didn't scream PREPARE FOR GLORY before the sex.... That makes things far more awkward

whitey53 5

Friday 3 February 2012 19:53

I thought it was funny hahahaha

katiedoll6 7

Tuesday 20 March 2012 0:21

Haha

Mama_Munster 10

Wednesday 30 May 2012 9:11

Bahahha my husband does stupid stuff like that all the time..Most of the time I think it's pretty funny

KaylaDawnn 5

Monday 16 July 2012 12:19

Hahaha! I absolutely live this!

KingreX32 21

Sunday 21 October 2012 14:33

YOUR DATING THOR!!!????

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Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 371

You deserved it 5 283

Today, I competed in my first half marathon since getting my new wheelchair. The mile marker I was meant to follow turned out to be the ex I cheated on. I eventually outpaced her, only to bump into the ex who cheated on me. I’ve gotta stop shitting where I eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 1 597

The Top

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 886

You deserved it 4 128

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 915

You deserved it 7 208

Today, I went into work for the first time without make-up. My boss thought I looked so tired and ill that he sent me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 004

You deserved it 8 065

Today, I learned that I may have caused a public speaker and author to be fired, because my response to his "open chat" question flustered him, causing him to lose his cool and snap at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 335

You deserved it 731

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 005

You deserved it 1 135

Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 117