Intimacy: Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy...

By myasshurts - 14/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 735

You deserved it 6 665

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

By Volume_control - 10/11/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 849

You deserved it 31 404

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 380

You deserved it 5 189

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 315

You deserved it 5 073

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 074

You deserved it 1 157

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 732

You deserved it 36 359

By keepsmiling - 02/09/2009 11:19 - France

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 408

You deserved it 47 605

By Ape - 17/12/2012 23:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 038

You deserved it 8 673

By uhoh - 16/02/2013 05:27 - Canada - Sechelt

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 553

You deserved it 59 974

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 933

You deserved it 10 196

Orders

By belljars - 18/04/2014 02:27 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 197

You deserved it 9 151

nolaneldridge 1

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:06

"get ready to feel the thunda!!!"

TheFakeFamilyGuy 9

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:05

Is he?

Comments

Decapitation 3

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:20

Kick him in the balls and ask if that feels like lightning!!!

Troy_K 7

Saturday 15 October 2011 11:27

No.

happyabby123 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 12:47

Haha

The_Troller 14

Saturday 15 October 2011 14:45

Obviously youve never been kicked hard in the balls before. But now you should be.

jizzwold 21

Saturday 15 October 2011 17:06

I never condone intentional ball injury. There is a grey area if someone is trying to rape/kill you but otherwise DON'T DO IT.

Decapitation 3

Saturday 15 October 2011 17:06

No I have, this was just a bad attempt at a joke.

kidwiththeface42 7

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:21

Does that mean he was as fast as lightning as well, then?

onorexveritas 23

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:21

you should've smacked his sac and said "I GOT HOS!"

nitram06 2

Saturday 15 October 2011 13:02

You have, to the millionth power, the most moronic profile "about me" I've ever seen on fml.

jizzwold 21

Saturday 15 October 2011 17:09

81 I couldn't agree more. I hate most girls my age.

raphanne_fml 33

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:22

Your butt got Pikachued!

chane1100 6

Saturday 15 October 2011 9:15

GTFO.

raphanne_fml 33

Saturday 15 October 2011 15:02

Ahaha... nope!

SwiftFaux 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:22

hes my hero

Deadzombie 2

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:27

Ha!!

FlashBurn 13

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:28

Should have asked him how he likes being a side effect.

jaredofmo 22

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:28

Why do these never tell us whether the OP is male or female? Either way... Drop the thunder.

metallicshadow 16

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:29

shoulda said "I AM THE TABLE!"

deviable 9

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:29

At least the thunder didn't come from the other end.

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Poopoo peepee Gross Miscellaneous Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Health Covid Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 147

You deserved it 6 979

Today, and ever since I told my wife I had sacked my secretary, a pretty redhead, I’ve noticed my wife has started reverting to her old habit of getting headaches on Fridays, which is normally sex night. Funny how this wasn’t a problem when I had a pretty secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 994

You deserved it 1 050

The Top

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 181

You deserved it 7 964

Today, I realized that my work life is far less stressful than my home life. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 607

You deserved it 309

Today, while not feeling well at work, I had to finish up some papers. I was so out of it, I couldn't remember how to spell my name. I had to improvise by pronouncing each syllable of my name out loud. My boss now thinks I'm a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 272

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 579

You deserved it 252

Today, I woke in the same way as every day, puking and hating life. It hasn’t been the same since my new boss started. I now want to start afresh, quit my job, and find a better way of living without ripping my eyes out. Why can’t I just win the lottery? FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 232

Today, my best friend, who I hadn’t seen since last year, picked me up and we got to talking about our memories together. I brought up the time we both cheated on our girlfriends at a Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert. Little did I know his girlfriend was waiting in the back of the car to scare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 868