Hey, I am not saying he should be dragged out onto the street and whipped. But he hurt his wife and instead of accepting her emotions he lies to her to placate her. That sounds like he doesn't love her and has been using her. When I love someone, I don't lie to them to calm them down. I take responsibility for the actions. The problem is not just the name, he made a mistake and its up to him to deal with the fall-out. The problem is his flippant attitude and the fact that he doesn't seem sorry for hurting her in a very intimate moment. Now she is going to second guess her whole relationship and think he has something for her sister. I don't know if you have siblings, but to think for a second your family would betray you like that and that you are the joke...well I don't think it feels good. So that is the problem.

Yes, because women never blow things out of proportion. Sure he might have ****** up, but "accepting her emotions" just means her blowing up over something that cannot be controlled and isn't really all that important. Women expect men to behave and operate the same exact way in a relationship as they ideally do; namely to only ever have eyes for them and only think of them. The reality is men aren't like women and only in minutely rare cases will a man ever feel the same devotion to a woman as she does to him simply because of how men are biologically wired. The fact that all these women are saying how evil the OP is just demonstrates how naive people are. The point is that despite being programmed to try **** any and every woman that he comes across that he has been faithful to his wife means nothing to you people because he doesn't fit into your bullshit idealized notions of "love". And don't even get me started on this whole "he's not being sensitive enough", if you really want a sensitive person like your girlfriends, date one of your girlfriends. Due to the acculturation of men and the things men naturally care about you'll only get a man to be that to a certain extent.

@rasta_pasta: Harsh, but I agree to a certain extent. I have to say that I may differ a bit in your view about "devotion," though. They may feel the same amount of love for one another, emotionally, but I have to agree that men typically view SEX as something that has little to do with love. That said, I bet most would agree that when "making love," there is some degree of love for the person that they're having sex with. Thus, it is really weird for him to use that term here. Therefore, since he did hurt his wife's feelings, even unintentionally, he should still apologize and tell her the truth. Would really suck if problems arose with his sister over something so dumb.

I agree that the whole "yelling out the sister's name" situation does need to be resolved, but just telling the truth tends to only exacerbate things. Without some sort of disclaimer or something some women have a tendency to get attached and bothered over the wrong part of the issue, namely the ex-girlfriend, whereas the real issue would be why they can't be open enough about their relationship to talk about their fantasies.

There wouldn't have been a problem if he was open about the fantasy and talked to her about that. But he lied. I don't think guys need to be corny and cry at sad movies and become stay at home dads and embrace their inner woman. But I do think if a guy knows a woman loves him then he should respect her enough to not lie about it and respect the intimacy and devotion she is giving him.

How do you know that had he been open to his wife there would have been no problem? The fact that he wasn't open shows that he knows enough about his wife to know that she would probably not take the news well. It has nothing to do with "respecting the devotion she shows" and more with the fact that sometimes a person's significant other simply cannot be levelheaded about the subject matter. Thus, he lies in order to not spark a greater disagreement that would benefit no one.

Then I got back to my original statement, why is he married to her? If you can't talk about your sexual fantasies with someone you are married to and have them respect that (unless its kid rape or animal sex... or something extreme) then why are you married to them. And yes, he should be honest with her no matter what the outcome. I might have been raised "old fashioned" but a man doesn't lie about those sort of things. A good man is honest. And in the case of the wife, she is justified in her anger over this but yes, it is not the end of the world. I just thought, since they are married, he should be honest with her not because it will make her happy or end world hunger... but because when you promise to be with someone you promise to give them the whole, honest person. Not lies that end with her fighting with her sister. If they cannot work out their sexual differences then they should see a sex therapist or a marriage councilor, to work it out. It does not seem productive to just ignore the problem with your wife by thinking of other women.

I think honesty is all good and well but there are times when honesty at the end of the day does not make the world a better place. I feel that if he married his wife and being sexually honest was one of those things he would have to give up because the other pluses won over then I will not question his judgement, because he obviously thought it worthwhile. About the shrinks, well you can believe whatever you want, but some of us couldn't give a shit about what they think. Some people don't feel that someone who's paid based on how many problems you have is a good person to talk to for any reason due to the obvious conflict of interest.

I can see the point of not seeing a therapist, but bringing in a third party or even just sitting down and talking would be better than this. It rankles the way he just lied to he like that. She deserves a right to know because it is her marriage to and she should have a choice if she wants to stay with someone who isn't thinking of her. I mean, divorcing over this would be stupid but unless she is allowed to express herself and he expresses himself they are going to go the way of my parents marriage--anger, shouting and resentment. It is just healthier to be able to talk about things.