Miscellaneous: Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain...

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By Anonymous - 04/03/2012 22:20 - Canada

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 441

You deserved it 4 362

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Same thing different taste

By lingadoo - 07/12/2012 05:46 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 069

You deserved it 4 852

Freakout

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 621

You deserved it 1 175

Freaked

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 183

You deserved it 4 030

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 730

You deserved it 13 578

By Anonymous - 29/03/2018 19:30 - United States - Stamford

Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 3 729

By Anonymous - 05/06/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 217

You deserved it 346

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 06:00

Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 201

Hello little dude

By Anonymous - 19/05/2012 22:54 - United States

Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 580

You deserved it 2 867

By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 05/04/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 701

You deserved it 4 839

By funyfunkid - 22/12/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 135

You deserved it 47 952

Sarah_moustache 9

Monday 5 March 2012 1:20

Daily offering of turd? Hahaha. Sorry, but that made my day.

aFreedom127 9

Monday 5 March 2012 1:22

They were coming to collect the offering.

Comments

Longboardowen 5

Monday 5 March 2012 1:51

You should have eaten them then had sex with them while you pooped them out

DeadxManxWalking 27

Monday 5 March 2012 1:55

The ants want to overthrow you!

cody1707 0

Monday 5 March 2012 1:58

You forgot the part where you dropped your phone in the toilet.

rocoskewl14 3

Monday 5 March 2012 14:15

Haha. "mom I dropped by phone in the toilet because I got some ants on me!!!!"

zakk59 1

Monday 5 March 2012 2:03

So did u get the scissors and cut it short?

nabila21 0

Monday 5 March 2012 2:09

It took me 30 minutes to take out the trash once because when I opened the bin A ZILLION BUGS WERE INSIDE!!!

sabb1228 0

Monday 5 March 2012 2:22

Maybe you should done a dance, or sang as part of the offering.

BostonBruinsFan 8

Monday 5 March 2012 3:36

Your RACIST!! I'm Native American, Don't joke, THINK BEFORE YOU POST!

annagilbert 6

Monday 5 March 2012 2:28

why dont you clean your house? thats gross af.

MelLynn 0

Monday 5 March 2012 5:46

Ants come in your house even if you scrub it down with bleach. They are more likely too come if you live near a wooded area. Now roaches come when your place is dirty.