Miscellaneous: Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding,...

By strandedguest - 30/09/2010 06:51 - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 355

You deserved it 2 880

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By doneanddone - 28/02/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 779

You deserved it 8 746

By Chedder - 26/06/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 008

You deserved it 3 506

No pain, no meds

By I don’t stink - 01/05/2020 20:00

Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 986

You deserved it 309

Migraine-inducing FML

By myheadhurts - 21/06/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug-addicted friends into my home while I was away, where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 294

You deserved it 5 424

By MyLife - 03/03/2019 12:00

Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 611

You deserved it 198

Smooth criminal

By jack1057 - 12/09/2020 01:01 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 184

By Sebastian20 - 08/05/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 333

You deserved it 15 619

By Sam - 03/12/2011 10:03 - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 035

You deserved it 9 629

Legged it

By poserpilot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 941

You deserved it 6 819

Drunken antics

By DevilsTemptation - 29/08/2019 02:01 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 162

QueenPersephone 9

Thursday 30 September 2010 13:13

The logic of this drunk guy bothers me. Why steal someones keys and then take a cab home?

FYLDeep 25

Thursday 30 September 2010 12:21

That's why you keep your keys in your pocket.

Comments

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Thursday 30 September 2010 14:59

Was the drunk guy's name Greg Giraldo, by any chance? What? Too soon?

cantfightfate 0

Thursday 30 September 2010 15:01

and why did they bring pain killers to a wedding... and just leave them sitting around? weird..

totallyfylindeed 4

Thursday 30 September 2010 15:37

you better hope that dude still has ur keys

SarevokRob 1

Thursday 30 September 2010 17:01

why would you leave your car keys anywhere besides with you?

nerdsgetmehot 22

Thursday 30 September 2010 18:46

Wouldn't that be F your friend's life? They were her car keys...

ChibiChibi_fml 27

Thursday 30 September 2010 23:42

If they came together than it is F both their lives because now they are both stuck.

figgity83 15

Thursday 30 September 2010 19:25

wow don't know if it's your friends stuff really but that does suck. live and learn right. get your important stuff out of reach. if they want it that bad they gotta earn it. fyl or your friends life

Marvin_Android 0

Thursday 30 September 2010 22:31

Sounds miserable. Weddings are just awful. Life. Don't talk to me about life.

wolverine1150 0

Friday 1 October 2010 4:31

wouldnt this be an fml for HER?

TheSofaKing 7

Friday 1 October 2010 5:39

Your friend is an idiot for leaving pain pills and car keys unattended. If the drunk took the car and wreck it, have fun trying to get the insurance to pay.