Health: Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue...

By spoony - 19/01/2009 05:32 - Australia

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 428

You deserved it 3 056

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Same thing different taste

Klutz

By Sara - 27/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 145

By alisaav - 08/08/2014 07:40 - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 267

You deserved it 13 652

By M2thaM - 29/05/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 603

You deserved it 56 774

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 267

First dates

By Tytonic - 20/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 412

By Anonymous - 25/05/2019 20:03

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 331

You deserved it 404

By dajfleasd - 25/07/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 074

You deserved it 27 720

Smooth

By vintage_vogue - 17/06/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I had a coffee date. The guy was waiting with coffee to meet me on the patio. I walked up to him, caught my favorite pendant necklace on the table, broke the necklace trying to get it free, and rattled the table so intensely that the guy's coffee spilled all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 247

You deserved it 7 449

First and last date

By hairless by death - 13/08/2013 16:07 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 285

You deserved it 4 241

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 00:01

Today, I was making out with this guy when my nose started bleeding, and it got on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 99

Phobic_fml 14

Monday 20 April 2009 8:54

if you manage to cut yourself with a spoon, I hope you don't handle knives often.

schnitzcopter 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 21:21

Jesus...wtf were you doing?

Comments

fylatfyldotcom 0

Monday 22 February 2010 7:11

ah ****

justmaddi 3

Tuesday 30 March 2010 23:20

don't worry I've cut my tongue on a sucker >.<

Sanchez2021 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 7:30

What a square!!!

b0ss42nine 0

Sunday 20 February 2011 6:07

not moderated :p

XXizzlerXX 0

Saturday 4 June 2011 0:22

yeah...I don't even think it's possible

theLuscious 2

Friday 17 June 2011 8:14

that's an fml right there

iluvcupkakes 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 4:25

Really?1

CptZoe 10

Wednesday 31 October 2012 22:54

Those things are ******* lethal!

theonethatsucks 7

Monday 1 July 2013 10:50

For some reason I can picture myself doing that

aLiYaaH_fml 17

Monday 26 August 2013 15:37

That's really easy to do when ur nervous :) I end up doing stupid things when I'm around my crush.... ._.

Chelse1403 18

Monday 10 August 2015 2:47

Yes! I do the same thing. Lol ???

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games Gamers Ironic Zoom

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 111

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 471

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 37 124

You deserved it 7 582

Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 261

You deserved it 3 419

Today, after two years of fighting, I finally got an appointment for my son to see an autism specialist. The appointment is in December 2026. He’ll be 11 and in high school by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 93

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I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 81

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I agree, your life sucks 20 400

You deserved it 3 800

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 261

You deserved it 2 698