Health: Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 442

You deserved it 4 173

Fête de la Musique: Notes et Négligences
When melodies meet misadventures, the Fête de la Musique becomes a symphony of laughter! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 00:46 - United States - Kerman

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 301

You deserved it 7 317

Kinder stranger

By Me. - 11/04/2013 00:45 - United States - Ramona

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 471

You deserved it 12 721

Overreaction

By sadie - 01/04/2021 23:00

Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 116

By abi_vet_student - 13/02/2009 12:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 878

You deserved it 7 091

Another happy customer

By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 266

You deserved it 594

Face it!

By MooCow - 13/07/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 603

You deserved it 15 795

By ddriver100 - 05/06/2019 18:00

Today, I picked up some of my friends from a bar downtown. They were pretty drunk and were yelling stupid things at people walking by. After stopping to let a fat guy cross the street, they yelled, "Hurry up fatty!" He responded by throwing his milkshake at my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 817

By sumerflame07 - 01/12/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 362

You deserved it 3 806

What's the deal with handbags?

By Clumsy - 18/03/2022 02:00

Today, a customer yelled and cursed at me, splashing spittle in my face, and to top it all off she wished “my mom would die in a fire.” All this because I accidentally spilled her milkshake all over her Louis Vuitton handbag. Apparently, it “costs more than my rent.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 287

By squeltorey - 03/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 830

You deserved it 11 182

NickyK 25

Saturday 30 July 2011 6:22

May the pasteurization be with you.

Omit 4

Saturday 30 July 2011 6:20

That happens a lot these days

Comments

bubo_fml 10

Saturday 30 July 2011 19:11

Pee in a cup, throw it in her face & say, "You've been baptized by last night's beer!"

justbigbs 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 19:15

That would be tough to do quickly and publicly though

KickItHigh 32

Saturday 30 July 2011 19:14

I guess they changed fourteen to young...

liy223 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 19:39

I'm gonna use that... kidding. sorry op.

Broc831 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 20:06

that must suck balls....

sexxme 9

Saturday 30 July 2011 21:22

You should **** all over the bitch's head and say, "The master of dicks baptizes you".

majorbob10 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 21:38

Sounds like most girls in my class. Middle school is full of dumbasses

jonnyroscoe 3

Sunday 31 July 2011 0:27

Damn veggitarians...

Elendil_fml 10

Sunday 31 July 2011 0:37

I would have pulled her shirt off and said "Now I see your ****, bitch!"

Cass54_fml 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 0:50

Sounds like someone was playing Truth or Dare. Hahaha FYL lol

Aw_Frick 5

Sunday 31 July 2011 1:09

Well from your point of view that does suck. From her point of view (and mine) that's freaking hilarious. I do feel bad for you though.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Friends TV shows Coworkers Weird Work Transportation Airplanes Health Mental health Therapy ACAB Gross Parents My ex Intimacy Sex Cleaning Relatable Annoying Technology Games Geek Rings Love Engagement Awkward Jewelry

The Top

Today, I went back home for a visit after nearly 10 years. I met up with some old friends at a bar and had an amazing evening. Afterwards, two of the wives told me I’m never allowed to speak to, nor see their husbands again, since I slept with them in high school. This was years before they even met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 232

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 71

The Top

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 005

You deserved it 4 544

Today, I explained to my teacher that I wasn't at school yesterday due to three doctor appointments for my moderate epilepsy. Yesterday was senior skip day. She gave me detention for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 285

You deserved it 439

Today, safety inspectors have deemed our basement unfit to serve as a bedroom due to a fire hazard. Our bed is now in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 130

You deserved it 994

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 258

You deserved it 42 479

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 260

You deserved it 54 624

Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 467