Health: Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 436

You deserved it 4 172

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 00:46 - United States - Kerman

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 297

You deserved it 7 315

Kinder stranger

By Me. - 11/04/2013 00:45 - United States - Ramona

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 467

You deserved it 12 721

Overreaction

By sadie - 01/04/2021 23:00

Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 114

By abi_vet_student - 13/02/2009 12:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 873

You deserved it 7 090

Another happy customer

By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 263

You deserved it 594

Face it!

By MooCow - 13/07/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 600

You deserved it 15 794

By ddriver100 - 05/06/2019 18:00

Today, I picked up some of my friends from a bar downtown. They were pretty drunk and were yelling stupid things at people walking by. After stopping to let a fat guy cross the street, they yelled, "Hurry up fatty!" He responded by throwing his milkshake at my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 816

By sumerflame07 - 01/12/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 361

You deserved it 3 805

What's the deal with handbags?

By Clumsy - 18/03/2022 02:00

Today, a customer yelled and cursed at me, splashing spittle in my face, and to top it all off she wished “my mom would die in a fire.” All this because I accidentally spilled her milkshake all over her Louis Vuitton handbag. Apparently, it “costs more than my rent.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 287

By squeltorey - 03/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 824

You deserved it 11 176

NickyK 25

Saturday 30 July 2011 6:22

May the pasteurization be with you.

Omit 4

Saturday 30 July 2011 6:20

That happens a lot these days

Comments

lionlvr 9

Sunday 31 July 2011 1:30

Lol, that sounds like something I would do.

jaff23 11

Sunday 31 July 2011 2:23

Maybe she liked you.

iMagzzzy 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 2:38

**** that bitch up!

ShadeOfWar 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 3:27

Damn that's messed up but funny at the same time

supahnazi 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 3:29

i wouldve chased her down nd punched her in the face. women think they can do watevr they want these days. we shuld go bck to legal beatings.

murrayjennie1489 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 3:53

feel bad for ya. yet...that is the funniest damn thing ive read today

iyazwoodfle 4

Sunday 31 July 2011 3:59

THIS...belongs on mlia.

Maverick52 13

Sunday 31 July 2011 5:19

The awkward moment when they find out she worships the cow devil

SumpthinSimple 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 5:43

I'm sorry but that's fkn hilarious. you didn't deserve that though.

cooxoxo 9

Sunday 31 July 2011 5:50

OMG! I wanna be baptized with milk! You lucky duck! :P

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Shopping Money Capitalism Health Dentist Gross Food Love Mental health Awkward Party Scams Weddings Miscellaneous Embarrassing Relatable Argument Relationship advice Furniture Cute Periods Poopoo peepee Bosses Stressed out Work Keys Transportation Sports Cars Alcohol

The Top

Today, our assistant principal (of the elementary section) proposed a plan in which he would also take over our pre-school division. He's a totally unqualified teacher, but he got his position through cronyism. Now, he'll try to destroy my division as well, through his incompetence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 53

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty, because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 976

You deserved it 112 713

The Top

Today, my 15 year-old sister asked which animal rice comes from. She believed every word when my mum told her it's harvested from tiny cows in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 586

You deserved it 2 801

Today, and for the past few days, my skin has been all blotchy and messed up so I tried a new face mask that was supposed to peel off easily. It ended up sticking to my skin like glue. I spent hours in front of the mirror trying to peel it off, one painful sliver at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 144

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 837

You deserved it 3 336

Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 205

You deserved it 3 422

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 558

You deserved it 7 271

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 243

You deserved it 9 697