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By Vinny1017 - 07/10/2010 14:26 - United States
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Also, my husband has decided that if anyone asks him permission to marry our future daughter, he's going to say no, whether he likes the guy or not. Because only idiots would ask permission from him. If your girlfriend's father is smart, of course he's going to say no.
Well, I think most ask simply to get the father's blessing, not really to get his PERMISSION, ya know?
My father has made it clear that if anyone is ever so disrespectful towards my sister that they would ask him for person to marry her he would say no. Asking the father for permission to marry their daughter before asking the daughter shows you have absolutely no respect for the person you want to marry.
Not necessarily, they might ask by trying to show that they are respectful, especially of their parents. I can understand however that it is slightly insulting, I guess it depends on how and the way they ask. Because approval from the parents is something that would be appreciated.
Then they can ask after they've asked the woman. It's completely disrespectful to ask permission from someone other than who you want to marry before you even bother asking them.
I did say it depended on the way they asked. And for all we know the OP did this after he'd asked his girlfriend, we don't know either way. However, I don't think the OP was asking for permission, I think he was asking for approval. Though I agree, it should be done after he'd asked his gf, and he should be asking both her parents. But it doesn't mean his intent was to insult or offend, his intent might have been good.
I'd say it depends on the people involved. I personally find it kind of romantic (though I can't explain why), and since my boyfriend is sort of old-fashioned, he probably would ask. My family wouldn't care either way. The thing is, though, it's not like he asks and then, if the dad says no, just forgets about it and never says anything to her. They should already have discussed getting married--no one should ever propose without that being discussed first--and it should just be...not even a formality, but just telling the parents, "Hey, your daughter and I have been talking about getting married, and I was planning on asking her soon," and hoping they're happy about it. But I can see where some people could find it insulting, particularly if you actually look at it as asking permission. It isn't really, though. Not anymore.
YDI This is totally and completely disrespectful to your girlfriend. When my husband and I were dating, I told him if he asked my dad's permission, I would say no and break up with him. It's my life, my decision, and I'm certainly not my dad's property. For the record, my dad probably would have said just what this dad said.
Eh, this is one of those things that varies quite a bit from person to person. It's often seen nowadays as more of a notification of intent and asking for a blessing, rather than transferring ownership. IMO, the ownership aspect was nullified when the daughter got a say in the matter. In the West, even conservative families tend to only reserve the power of the veto; Dad can refuse a proposal, but he can't accept one on her behalf. Mr. Doe viewed it as a request to be accepted as an official part of the family, so he sat my whole family down and asked. Even though I'd been living on my own for years, I was still very close to my fam, especially my dad, so I appreciated the gesture. I can see how some women might feel disrespected, but I think it's a matter of personal viewpoint-- there's no right or wrong thing to do, morally or culturally.
this isn't back in the day. you ask the daughter not her dad lol
dude... she's 14...unacceptable
ok number 74 you may be joking, but if you aren't age was never specified and if you are it's not funny
he must really not like u
did you still ask? haha
Keywords
At which point you turn around, say "Thankyou for your advice...." and you marry her anyway.
Propose in spite of him. In front of him would be better. When she hugs you out of sheer joy, make the devil horns and wiggle your tongue at her dad.