Sex, Injury and Intimacy: Traumatized knob

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 001

You deserved it 4 617

Back to School: Quiproquos and Notebooks
Laugh at back-to-school mishaps, with dazed students and overwhelmed teachers! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 521

You deserved it 5 891

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 946

You deserved it 10 648

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 292

Hott

By purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 172

You deserved it 12 410

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 025

You deserved it 18 781

She's electric

By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 479

You deserved it 5 311

By Cannachick - 17/07/2019 02:00

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 457

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 551

You deserved it 32 061

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 154

You deserved it 5 561

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 459

You deserved it 9 861

1dvs_bstd 41

Wednesday 11 March 2015 10:10

Bro, did you get a handjob from freddy kruger?

lex1459 38

Wednesday 11 March 2015 10:11

How could she possibly have looked at what she was doing and gone "yeah, I bet that feels good"

Comments

Cozy_Blanket 16

Wednesday 11 March 2015 14:01

I get that you were excited, but damn man if something hurts you gotta speak up!

roverman89 3

Wednesday 11 March 2015 14:11

Dumb ass

kyle504 4

Wednesday 11 March 2015 14:26

Wow and I thought when my dick was bit several times during my first BJ it was bad...

ajs1987 15

Wednesday 11 March 2015 14:49

Are you serious, or are you just yanking me?

ashweaver 12

Wednesday 11 March 2015 15:32

That's awkward...

FitFriday 32

Wednesday 11 March 2015 15:52

Apparently it was her first time to

Jake42100 17

Wednesday 11 March 2015 17:01

Sounds like a real tear jerker to me...

TheGatekeeper43 8

Wednesday 11 March 2015 17:12

Ouch bro

shiffizzle 13

Wednesday 11 March 2015 17:27

I cringed while reading this.

someguyhere 12

Wednesday 11 March 2015 17:30

Who gives out hand jobs now a days.

Keywords

Scams Food Money Parents Health Relatable Lonely Growing old Love Work Games Miscellaneous Weird Awkward Cheating Sex Intimacy Birthday Romantic Ironic Shopping Sexting Porn Embarrassing Confused Restaurants Kids Family Cute Music

The Top

Today, I was in a supermarket using the self-checkout. I tried to scan a loaf of bread, but it wouldn't register. After several attempts and increasing frustration, I slammed the loaf down on the scanner. The bread tore open, and seeds flew everywhere. An old woman behind me said, "Technology can be hard for the young, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 513

Today, my stepmom accused me of creeping around, acting sneaky, and maybe even planning to kill her in her sleep because I’m "still angry at my dad divorcing my mom and marrying her." All I did was get up at 2 a.m. for a pee at coincidentally the same time as she was going outside for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 85

The Top

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 065

You deserved it 86 729

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 867

You deserved it 11 295

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 213

You deserved it 1 602

Today, I bought an otter box. While setting up my iPhone, I dropped it and it is now shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 185

You deserved it 8 575

Today, my admissions to my dream university was rescinded and no longer being considered for a $45,000 scholarship. Apparently, the content of my TikTok account does not align with the University’s values. I forgot I have a few videos of me twerking and lip syncing a few profanity-laced songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 1 442

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 004

You deserved it 6 401