Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Twins - FML

Twins

By rufusthepenis - 02/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 331

You deserved it 4 851

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Same thing different taste

By sunboy52 - 05/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 889

You deserved it 91 019

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 208

You deserved it 3 765

Thanks, I guess…

By leogs23 - 03/06/2021 06:01

Today, I was taking a shower with my girlfriend when she 'complimented' me by saying, "You’re cute, like a rat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 159

Too much feeling!

By buckerooo - 03/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 936

You deserved it 513

Observational comedy

By JackOLantern2099 - 17/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 368

Nailed it

By anon - 21/12/2013 14:13 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 128

You deserved it 12 912

By whatswrongwithit?:( - 30/09/2012 19:37 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 475

You deserved it 3 671

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 07:10 - United States - Marion

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 019

You deserved it 70 205

I'm coming!

By anonymous - 24/02/2010 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 876

You deserved it 4 483

By sn-511 - 01/03/2013 22:54 - Italy - Naples

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 039

You deserved it 5 994

Next

Top comments

SoCalKay 3

Monday 3 October 2011 8:52

Atleast Rufus isn't exactly small haha

4evaYong21 1

Monday 3 October 2011 8:50

Your life sucks.. Mainly because your penis looks like a naked mole rat. Hahaha

Comments

cgrazianoxo 0

Sunday 9 October 2011 4:07

omgg lol

n6_fml 3

Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:15

Hahahahaha. HAHAHA oh my god this is so funny

naughty_angel94 0

Wednesday 12 October 2011 6:05

Wow, what a way to kill the mood. U should have just shoved ur mole rat in her mouth and said shut up babe.

xxxiLoveYou5xxx 0

Wednesday 12 October 2011 11:47

Rufus loves nachos :)

born12l8 0

Thursday 13 October 2011 0:21

How old is your gf? Rufus is from a children's cartoon..

taureanbeauty293 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 19:53

Beyond hilarious.* Freaking fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!! Best FML ever!!!!! :) *see prior posts

bill123nye456 0

Wednesday 2 November 2011 4:40

You deserve it for saying "frisky"

caranina 15

Wednesday 16 November 2011 4:54

LMFAOLMFAOLMFAOLMFAOLMFAOLMFAOLMFAO . I JUST PEED LIKE OMG .

RufusthePenis 0

Friday 18 November 2011 7:04

Well, she seems to like it, so it's all good I suppose.

CaineghisMord 2

Wednesday 30 November 2011 3:33

Don't let her try feeding it nachos. that be an ackward doctors visit.

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Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Mental health Health

The Top

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 660

You deserved it 3 777

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 507

You deserved it 15 067

The Top

Today, I remembered that I chose my career of the last decade because, unlike my job in the dying newspaper industry, "concerts aren’t going anywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 180

Today, I got caught checking out my porn collection while working. The embarrassment is compounded by the fact that I work from home, and I only flashed the folder on screen, but it was enough for coworkers to notice and now call me "King Dong". FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 632

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 679

You deserved it 3 964

Today, I was driving with my parents while explaining that young people like myself are better drivers because we have better reflexes. My explanation was suddently interrupted with the sound of me crashing the car against a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 194

You deserved it 50 718

Today, I learned why so much money has been missing from my credit card account. My boyfriend stole it, and has been buying toys for his 3 children. I never knew he had kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 307

You deserved it 3 010

It has been a tough week

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 74