Intimacy: Use the force - FML

Use the force

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Spicy

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 133

You deserved it 56 899

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Same thing different taste

Get it where you can

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Spicy

Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 352

He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

By padmelover - 27/08/2022 22:00

Today, my dad said I need to stop playing with toys and threw my lightsaber out of the window. It was a replica of the Lightsaber used by Mark Hamill, made from the same type handle from a 1970s camera, just like the film prop. It was over 40 years-old and worth thousands. Not anymore, as it's now scratched and in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 09/03/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 766

You deserved it 7 945

One size fits all

By Anonymous - 18/06/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, I bought an electric sex toy to make masturbating more interesting. My penis wasn’t long enough to reach the moving massaging parts on the inside, and just pathetically rested a few inches inside the opening. I could call it a bad design but I’d be lying, I just have a small dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 317

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 472

You deserved it 7 480

War drums

By Taylor - 30/07/2011 05:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 232

You deserved it 10 684

I think we're alone now

By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Spicy

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden, I heard a familiar voice, saying, "At least someone's having fun…" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 056

You deserved it 35 230

By rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 173

You deserved it 8 977

By a - 21/05/2009 19:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 047

You deserved it 49 651

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 741

You deserved it 762

Next

Top comments

LukeFree 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

The force is strong with this one.....

IndiRae 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

You deserve it for calling it a Star Wars sword.

Comments

applesmitty 3

Monday 15 August 2011 7:28

I'm not sure whats worse the fact that you called it a sword or that you ****** a light saber....

mollyslips 13

Monday 15 August 2011 11:07

#381 I'd go with the fact she ****** a light saber over getting the name wrong:D

misorlou 1

Monday 15 August 2011 16:10

13, That would make it the ol' forbidden fruit. Ha

viewer123 1

Tuesday 16 August 2011 3:43

Let me bought you a toy. I love buying toys for women and watching them use it

BigRizzie 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 4:53

Why not just finger **** yourself?

Bless23 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 7:33

How the hell would you use one? Dont they collapse? i'm pretty sure it would have retracted into the hilt as soon as you tried pushing it in. Plus...isnt the tip end kind of....well....narrow??

bizzbiff 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 8:49

hah

iloveyouchung 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 10:18

May the force be in you...

KayleeFrye 39

Tuesday 16 August 2011 16:41

First, there is absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of. Second, you can always buy one online. Or just walk into a **** store and buy one. Someone who works at a **** store will not judge you for buying a sex toy.

Xashley_taylorX 3

Tuesday 16 August 2011 19:30

i so agree with #391 get it online! but there is nothing wrong with it...so many people have one..

xxskittlezxx1 0

Tuesday 16 August 2011 22:12

lmfao

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I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 322

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I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 168

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I agree, your life sucks 25 483

You deserved it 1 792

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I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 322

Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 543

You deserved it 2 670