Work, Awkward and Wanker: Wanker

Wanker

By Anonymous - 30/03/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 550

You deserved it 4 567

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 241

You deserved it 6 619

Meat

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 130

You deserved it 41 972

By Anonymous - 11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 931

You deserved it 3 360

Hands-on

By poolgirl789 - 03/09/2013 06:30 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 768

You deserved it 4 753

By mjperfetti84 - 22/11/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 492

You deserved it 6 180

By rochellamaya - 02/09/2011 12:47 - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 324

You deserved it 4 280

By therewasnocurtain - 06/04/2015 20:07 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 120

You deserved it 2 543

PUA

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 368

You deserved it 2 242

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 169

You deserved it 2 595

By EMTGirl'sLife - 10/02/2015 03:15 - United States - Basking Ridge

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 573

You deserved it 2 824

altkat 3

Monday 30 March 2009 21:01

At least you have the satisfaction of knowing that creepy old men have the hots for you. Congratulations.

crazy_cat_lady 0

Monday 30 March 2009 21:28

Haha something similar happened to me! I was working for a podiatrist that visits nursing homes, and I had to kneel down on the floor to take off a patient's shoes and socks. I heard the patient breathing harder and harder, so I stood up, afraid that he was having a heart attack or a stroke or something. Then I saw his hard on, and realized he had just been staring down my scrub top. Old men are so perverted!

Comments

almostouttt 0

Monday 30 March 2009 21:40

ew that's fkn nastyyyy .

Cocacolalove11 0

Monday 30 March 2009 21:40

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA yes. awesome.

jSOPURE 3

Monday 30 March 2009 21:45

A winnar is you. :)

Stay_beautiful 0

Monday 30 March 2009 21:53

like some other people said, look on the bright side! he thinks you're smexy! take it as a compliment! who cares how old he is. You'll be the same way one day.

pinkfrenchrose 5

Monday 30 March 2009 21:56

O_O I'd run. Very far....

Jaywin 3

Monday 30 March 2009 21:59

Show him the goods and say "You will never get this! You will never get this".

tehhotness 0

Monday 30 March 2009 22:00

#26 FTW. But one day he broke free and he... he got it

HellaNinjaXD 0

Monday 30 March 2009 22:04

Well, this could mean two things... One, you now know that old creepers actually find you hot. Kudos for you. Second, you might have a few creepy stalkers. But, hey, at least you got that old dude turned on, mate. :]

hk_fml 9

Monday 30 March 2009 22:09

Ewwwww. Dirty old men are the worst. x__x

save_me_08 0

Monday 30 March 2009 22:10

Just think of it this way... he's old... seen lots of chicks... has lots to go on and thinks you're hot... YAY YOU!!!! Could be worse... you coulda like agreed... and then he have like a heart attack or something