Intimacy: Wankers of the world unite! - FML

Wankers of the world unite!

By ari - 19/03/2012 05:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out why teenage boys have "Keep out" and "Please knock" signs on their bedroom doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 849

You deserved it 53 321

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By none - 28/02/2012 18:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized you should always knock on your parents' door before entering. Even at 6:30 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 938

You deserved it 35 371

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 831

You deserved it 45 979

By Devon - 03/09/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 070

You deserved it 5 043

Got money to throw around? Get into real estate

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out the sole reason my son insisted on buying the house he did is because he was told on the grapevine that one of his new neighbours is a hot 20-something who never closes her curtains to undress at night. I raised a perverted idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 568

You deserved it 577

Masters of mischief

By Anonymous - 18/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Salem

Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 144

By Not Amish FFS - 17/05/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had a fight about his parents. We're both 23-year-old university students who aren't allowed in his bedroom unless the door is completely open. Nothing he says to his parents will change this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 712

Fair warning

By Alwayshappens2me - 17/07/2009 23:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean your mom won't walk into your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 442

You deserved it 10 516

Get it on

By kmb04 - 02/08/2009 15:12 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after a great night of sexual ecstacy, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year-old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night, he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 381

You deserved it 34 306

By helloimkylieee - 25/01/2016 01:04 - United States - Tracy

Spicy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 780

You deserved it 1 558

Next

Top comments

jmu2011 6

Monday 19 March 2012 12:05

*fap fap fap fap fap*

ghostlilac 25

Monday 19 March 2012 12:09

Did you not see the "hardcore ****" FML from earlier? :P

Comments

BeBeast2323 1

Tuesday 20 March 2012 6:11

This wouldn't happen to be related to the other FML from yesterday would it?

Dexxter_fml 4

Tuesday 20 March 2012 6:13

It's just common curtesy. It's not that hard.

Schmoozee98 0

Tuesday 20 March 2012 6:25

@jmu2011 ur write... cum on guys

mserrato 8

Tuesday 20 March 2012 6:58

Ha, she got skeet on her face

sydneyaval 9

Tuesday 20 March 2012 7:25

Privacy...they need privacy...Don't you remember being a teen? I guess not

jlperry31 10

Tuesday 20 March 2012 8:29

You should have already known

thgiL 9

Tuesday 20 March 2012 8:36

She did read it, she just didn't abide by it.

ImSoEffedUp 10

Tuesday 20 March 2012 16:03

Sooooo.... U caught someone masturbating huh.... I'm sure he's feeling worse than u r....

elizabethross 0

Tuesday 20 March 2012 19:35

whether or not there's a sign telling you to do so, its just common courtesy to knock before entering a room, especially someones bedroom..they could be getting changed or something

maekohime 6

Tuesday 20 March 2012 23:22

yeah..they don't want you to see them cleaning their room..hags

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Keywords

Shopping My ex Love Vacation Holidays Family AITA Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Relatable Harassment Miscellaneous Engagement Food Ironic Health Work Technology Awkward Money Singing Embarrassing Kids Party Sex Cute Revenge Mental health Covid

The Top

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me with other women from all the hickeys and scratch marks he has. But to top it off, he's slowly been moving out for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 247

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 619

You deserved it 15 052

The Top

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 565

You deserved it 3 769

Today, I found out that my husband wasn’t at “work” like he said he was. He'd told me he couldn’t come to my Master degree graduation because he was called into “work” last minute. I guess “work” is code word for the “movie theatre” watching Spider-Man with an unidentified female person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 140

Today, one of my twin sons found out he's going to be a dad. His little sister who loves science ended up telling him that, since he has a twin who is genetically identical, he's genetically the baby's dad too. My son, being a bit dim, took this to mean his brother slept with his wife and hit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 114

Today, like every other day of my life, I have hypermobility. I had an important dress and tech rehearsal for a production due to start tomorrow. Guess what day my ankle decided to give out midway down a flight of stairs, leaving my foot rapidly swelling… FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 101

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 144

You deserved it 2 106

Today, my boyfriend and I had band practice for our duo. I've been playing cello for almost a year and wanted to incorporate it. He picked it up for pretty much the first time and sounded surprisingly good. I was excited until I realized he sounded better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 536

You deserved it 524