Intimacy: Wankers of the world unite! - FML

Wankers of the world unite!

By ari - 19/03/2012 05:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out why teenage boys have "Keep out" and "Please knock" signs on their bedroom doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 851

You deserved it 53 324

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Same thing different taste

By none - 28/02/2012 18:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized you should always knock on your parents' door before entering. Even at 6:30 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 940

You deserved it 35 373

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 831

You deserved it 45 981

By Devon - 03/09/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 071

You deserved it 5 043

Got money to throw around? Get into real estate

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out the sole reason my son insisted on buying the house he did is because he was told on the grapevine that one of his new neighbours is a hot 20-something who never closes her curtains to undress at night. I raised a perverted idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 293

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 568

You deserved it 577

Masters of mischief

By Anonymous - 18/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Salem

Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 144

By Not Amish FFS - 17/05/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had a fight about his parents. We're both 23-year-old university students who aren't allowed in his bedroom unless the door is completely open. Nothing he says to his parents will change this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 712

Fair warning

By Alwayshappens2me - 17/07/2009 23:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean your mom won't walk into your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 445

You deserved it 10 516

Get it on

By kmb04 - 02/08/2009 15:12 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after a great night of sexual ecstacy, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year-old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night, he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 385

You deserved it 34 307

By helloimkylieee - 25/01/2016 01:04 - United States - Tracy

Spicy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 781

You deserved it 1 558

Next

Top comments

jmu2011 6

Monday 19 March 2012 12:05

*fap fap fap fap fap*

ghostlilac 25

Monday 19 March 2012 12:09

Did you not see the "hardcore ****" FML from earlier? :P

Comments

BeBeast2323 1

Tuesday 20 March 2012 6:11

This wouldn't happen to be related to the other FML from yesterday would it?

Dexxter_fml 4

Tuesday 20 March 2012 6:13

It's just common curtesy. It's not that hard.

Schmoozee98 0

Tuesday 20 March 2012 6:25

@jmu2011 ur write... cum on guys

mserrato 8

Tuesday 20 March 2012 6:58

Ha, she got skeet on her face

sydneyaval 9

Tuesday 20 March 2012 7:25

Privacy...they need privacy...Don't you remember being a teen? I guess not

jlperry31 10

Tuesday 20 March 2012 8:29

You should have already known

thgiL 9

Tuesday 20 March 2012 8:36

She did read it, she just didn't abide by it.

ImSoEffedUp 10

Tuesday 20 March 2012 16:03

Sooooo.... U caught someone masturbating huh.... I'm sure he's feeling worse than u r....

elizabethross 0

Tuesday 20 March 2012 19:35

whether or not there's a sign telling you to do so, its just common courtesy to knock before entering a room, especially someones bedroom..they could be getting changed or something

maekohime 6

Tuesday 20 March 2012 23:22

yeah..they don't want you to see them cleaning their room..hags

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The Top

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 118

You deserved it 3 104

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 740

You deserved it 5 265

The Top

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was ruined when my brother was too cheap to iTunes the song I wanted playing, so he YouTubed it instead. It’s very difficult to propose while speakers are blasting an unskippable 30-second advert about formula being a healthy alternative to breastfeeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 566

Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next to me and make casual conversation. This was fine until one decided to take a drink from his beer. While he did, he sneezed in my face. I still smell like beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 598

You deserved it 2 979

Today, our roof collapsed due to water damage. I had saved the money to get the roof fixed months ago, but my wife saw a scare story about gas stoves and demanded we spend the money getting every gas-powered appliance ripped out and replaced. That new HVAC system will work great in a condemned house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 193

Today, I thought it would be hot to go down on my girlfriend while she was playing a video game on the PC. Unfortunately, someone killed her in game and she wheeled the chair forward in anger, right into my nuts. It took her a few seconds to notice, then she blamed me for getting her killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 723

Today, I was at a school rally I was talking to my friends when I noticed the entire gym had gotten quiet. Not knowing why I thought it would be funny to yell out "it's too quiet!" apparently it was a moment of silence for a teacher that had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 928

You deserved it 70 295

Today, I sold my Merc, which I bought 9 years ago to "commute in style." Since buying it, I had job in the City so it sat at in a car park, my child was born with a condition, I lost my job and couldn't find another for 3 years, the next one was in the City, then Covid and no commute, and now I work from home. I didn't ever get to drive it to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 290