Weird projection, but OK

By just realized - 16/09/2020 23:03 - United States

Today, I realized that when someone's pregnant or introduces me to their kids, they're saying, "I had sex with this person" and now I can’t stop visualizing it. Keep me out of your personal life, Tom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 1 366

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Freudian

By Riley99 - 31/08/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I was introducing my boyfriend to my parents for the first time. I meant to say, "Mom, Dad, this is Tom." Instead, I said, "Mom, Dad, this is Mom." My boyfriend is now jokingly reconsidering our relationship, and my parents won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 165

Condom advertisement

By Willow McGarrigle - 30/05/2020 02:00

Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 146

Dude, step up your game

By happycow122 - 20/06/2015 20:54 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 105

You deserved it 20 420

By =( - 05/04/2014 17:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 747

You deserved it 14 430

By Acu7519 - 16/04/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 199

You deserved it 850

Breaking news

By I Know How to Pick'em - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Beaverton

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 852

You deserved it 2 685

Policy of truth

By Lelsy - 08/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend’s family. His mother gave me expensive diamond earrings and treated us to brunch. I don’t know how I’m gonna have the heart to tell him that I’ve accidentally gotten pregnant from someone else I’ve been seeing. I can’t tell him it’s his because we haven’t slept together yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 1 963

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 714

You deserved it 3 659

Better late than never

By why now?! - 12/08/2022 02:00

Today, the guy I had a two-week long fling with and got pregnant by (while on birth control I might add), and who disappeared more than a decade ago after I told him, showed up at my door, demanding shared custody of my daughter. While he is her biological parent, she’s never met him and was terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 05/04/2019 18:00

Today, I realised how little my husband trusts me after I told him I was pregnant and the first words out of his mouth were, “Is it mine?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 516

You deserved it 430

ojoRojo 27

Thursday 17 September 2020 7:38

Are you 12?

Tiffani Carter 6

Thursday 17 September 2020 5:09

Um, no. Telling you they’re pregnant doesn’t tell you who they slept with...

Comments

Tiffani Carter 6

Thursday 17 September 2020 5:09

Um, no. Telling you they’re pregnant doesn’t tell you who they slept with...

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 17 September 2020 5:18

But you're probably just imagining Tom having boring missionary sex for procreation. Think of Tom getting pegged by his wife, then tossing her salad, teabagging her, giving her anal and then a facial. Give him some credit.

Marcella1016 31

Thursday 17 September 2020 8:19

Actually Tom gets 0 points, because none of those sex acts would actually get his wife pregnant.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 17 September 2020 8:25

Sex is more than just for procreation. I want the OP have lots of dirty images of Tom for his obsession with him.

Iamthebanzai22 21

Thursday 17 September 2020 14:58

You forgot partner swopping, fisting and bondage.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 17 September 2020 17:54

I didn't. I just thought I gave the OP the right number of disturbing images about Tom. I could have gone into blumpkins, felching, Cleveland streamers, Alabama Hot Pockets, etc.