White line fever

By Anonymous - 10/04/2020 17:00

Today, I've been using a lot of Flonase recently for my stuffy nose, and my 4 year-old happens to call it "mommy's special nose medicine" out loud all the time. My neighbors now think I do cocaine. FML

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Same thing different taste

Nose job

By pignose - 05/09/2019 02:01

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. The youngest said, "Wow! You have huge nostrils!" She noticed my offended look and pushed her nose up like a pig's, saying, "It’s okay! Now I do too!" FML

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Tis the season

By creimers - 01/07/2020 23:01

Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML

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Charlie

By Jonathan lemon - 22/10/2021 20:00

Today, I picked my son up from school, and asked how his day went. He told me how his friend explained to him that his mommy snorts sugar with his uncle, and if he could try what his friend's mom calls "Booger sugar" when we got home. FML

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By My Daughter Fails at Life - 26/09/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML

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Touching cloth

By roidrager - 16/10/2014 16:44 - United States - Clearwater

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

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But… why?

By Fmylife - 06/07/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

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Wrong drugs

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML

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By radiating - 09/03/2012 04:53

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

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By FlowerPower - 20/07/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, I took a big sniff of a flower in my garden. I spent the rest of the morning blowing little bugs out of my nose. FML

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By Samantha Glennie - 13/07/2018 20:30

Today, due to the high pollen count and despite taking hay fever medicine, I passed out in the bathroom from not being able to breathe. My mother accused me of doing it on purpose to make her late for work. FML

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RichardPencil 30

Friday 10 April 2020 17:41

Go around the neighborhood and tell people you're not on coke. That ought to quell the suspicion, especially if you knock on their door at 3 am to inform them.

mackdeezy 22

Friday 10 April 2020 20:04

On the one hand, its none of your neighbors' business as long as you dont give them a reason to (i.e unkept home/kid, strange occurrences most nights during the early AM hours) On the other, parents really need to stop referring to things as their "special" something. Otherwise kids will attribute anything with that label, and then you're in this situation again.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Friday 10 April 2020 17:41

Go around the neighborhood and tell people you're not on coke. That ought to quell the suspicion, especially if you knock on their door at 3 am to inform them.

mackdeezy 22

Friday 10 April 2020 20:04

Justin Pugh 7

Friday 10 April 2020 20:46

That’s amazing

Sonotsuave 35

Sunday 12 April 2020 5:45

I mean I feel like there’s faster and more logical conclusions people could come to like oh I don’t know you’re using a nose spray perhaps? But okay if that’s what they think