Sex, Awkward and Health: Word to the wise

Word to the wise

By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 04:21 - United States - Erie

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 271

You deserved it 7 422

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Same thing different taste

By pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 035

You deserved it 6 802

By hunchback of notre bite - 09/08/2013 22:23 - Korea, Republic of

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 462

You deserved it 7 420

It's just a flesh wound!

By manhandled - 01/02/2012 18:05 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 163

You deserved it 4 026

New isn't always good

By anonymous - 11/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Iowa City

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 246

You deserved it 32 450

By Blueberrypicc - 13/08/2010 01:01 - United States

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 325

You deserved it 38 090

Life imitates bad art

By sex sent me to the Er - 15/10/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 2 142

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 5 496

By cfaul001 - 29/02/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 213

You deserved it 27 775

Sexy moves

By what sex life? - 02/08/2016 06:26 - United States - Nashville

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 290

You deserved it 2 896

One nation, under rod

By LaLa - 20/09/2019 22:00

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 213

Rainbow_Rhinos 23

Sunday 29 November 2015 0:47

Why would you take sex tips from virgins anyway? YDI

AviKerensky 17

Sunday 29 November 2015 0:48

Cause of injury: Lack of adhesive ducks.

Comments

Futacy 29

Sunday 29 November 2015 0:56

That's gotta be among the top three places to have sex that are sexy in movies but gross in real life, right up there with sex on the beach and sex in the woods.

imbedderdenu 23

Sunday 29 November 2015 5:13

That's bc you don't know how to have sex. I will give you the beach though...ew....Sand sucks.

Dynosaur_dollie 38

Sunday 29 November 2015 6:41

I don't think it's "gross" but it is trickier than movies make it seem. You just need to figure out the right position, like against the wall for example, or as others suggested with a no slip mat. It's definitely one of my top 3 favourite spots, just be careful.

AninOnin 24

Sunday 29 November 2015 11:34

Speaking from experience in sex on the beach and sex in the shower: We didn't have a shower mat, but we were also in a bigger shower. It was pretty fancy. The kind with a door. We didn't actually have sex ON the beach, but IN the water. Twice. First time was nice, cause the water was still warm (we had to wait for the sun to go down so people would leave, but it wasn't crowded to begin with) and the waves were pretty gentle. Second time was colder, and waves were choppier. In both cases the experience was enjoyable, but Mother Nature definitely dictates your, ah, pace there ;D Haven't had sex in a forest yet! I'll keep it on my list though :3 (I'm guessing the trick is: against a tree, standing, make sure you don't stand in an anthill.)

MonstreBelle 29

Monday 30 November 2015 17:13

I made the mistake of having sex on the beach when I was fairly stupid about the finer details of sex due to my inexperience. Never again do I want to experience sand being all up in places it shouldn't be. Now the only sex on the beach I have involves vodka and little umbrellas.

LadyKayDee 23

Sunday 29 November 2015 0:57

In all fairness, YOU took the advice OP. Feel better soon :)

LoverWordsFood 27

Sunday 29 November 2015 0:57

I have no idea why you would listen to a bunch of virgins. This is why you use some common sense and research to help you figure shit out. Btw, most first times aren't that great. Sex, however, does get better with practice and good communication on both parties. Another side note, it isn't too late to invest in a good shower mat or decals for the bath just so there isn't any future slipping.

dutchy86 20

Sunday 29 November 2015 9:06

"most of the times aren't that great"??? you are doing something wrong!

M3DO 24

Sunday 29 November 2015 9:41

Most FIRST times

fakedsincerity 32

Sunday 29 November 2015 0:58

"Let me put on my non-slip socks and then we can get in the mood."

Tripartita 44

Sunday 29 November 2015 1:08

Always wear protection. Even when putting it on may detract from the mood.

9a_1z 12

Sunday 29 November 2015 1:16

I wonder if you can get tingling strawberry flavoured non-slip socks.

mixximoo 24

Sunday 29 November 2015 1:18

Get a shower mat and hopefully you will have better luck next time

Severefear 7

Sunday 29 November 2015 1:22

Shower sex can be good as long as you remember that water is a piss poor lubricant and purchase a nonslip mat for your shower

Lalala579121 27

Sunday 29 November 2015 2:01

It was a very good lubricant for OP's feet.

Enslaved 36

Sunday 29 November 2015 1:23

It's all in the positioning. There's plenty of safer ways to do it, like bending her over or even laying down on the floor. Don't let a busted nose and crack skull stop you from experimenting!

Tarlachia 33

Sunday 29 November 2015 1:36

Busted nose? Gushing blood from your head? Don't worry about it. Have some poorly lubricated (water really makes it hard to keep it sexy) rough sex on the shower floor and pass out in the pooling blood-waters later!

lostmongoose 23

Sunday 29 November 2015 1:51

I've never had lubricant problems during shower sex, but I've also never slipped either. I'm really beginning to wonder what all you people are doing to make this so difficult.