Do you by any chance live in a pineapple under the sea?

I prefer Wintergreen.

Have you met Skyllabeauty1234? "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" You, my dear OP, can make a new friend.

That's happened to me before

So no one thought of spongebob when reading this?? It screams that one episode in a different manner lol

How do you manage to hit your eye with your toothbrush? My hand has slipped before while brushing my teeth, but never to the extent of it going clear up to my eye.

Well it does sound fake.

I said "YDI" because it sounds like the 5 minutes you spent doing those things were just enough to make you late for work, so it seems you tend to "cut it thin" by getting up too late to get ready for work. What if there was traffic or something else happens that consumes 5 minutes of your time? Late again?

You sound very conscientious so I doubt you've arrived late to your workplace numerous times in which case you shouldn't worry as this one mistake shouldn't besmirch your record and your employer cannot sanction you for one late arrival and the stinging irritation in your eye fades away fairly quickly

I hate it when something unbelievable actually happens and when you try and tell someone what happened they think you're lying... I understand OP it's very frustrating