Miscellaneous: Wurdz is hard - FML

Wurdz is hard

By Holy Testacles - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression, "Knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as, "Kill yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 185

You deserved it 7 963

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Top comments

doubleddun 9

Wednesday 17 October 2012 12:02

That's brilliant

IconicLemon 8

Wednesday 17 October 2012 12:02

HAHAHA. Your's and her face would have been priceless!

Comments

hoper423 3

Wednesday 17 October 2012 17:25

Damn that's hilarious

bored1091 4

Wednesday 17 October 2012 17:36

Today I stopped at a store for a drink and saw a really hot girl and went over to talk to her and my conversation starter in the aisle we were in came out as so ur vigina stinks She looked at me in shock and slapped me FML

tinysocks 11

Wednesday 17 October 2012 17:44

Uber-oops...

Webslinger66 10

Wednesday 17 October 2012 18:00

I know my comment will never be read because it is at the bottom. But, this is why I read FMLs. Funny shit like this. You sir, have made my day

Rainadeer 2

Wednesday 17 October 2012 18:40

THIS IS THE BEST OH GOD MY SIDES

theburninator 1

Wednesday 17 October 2012 18:41

This post made me laugh so hard

Fantasya_fml 6

Wednesday 17 October 2012 19:22

omg! this literally made my day.

narasjbhs 1

Wednesday 17 October 2012 19:56

You, sir, just made my day.

PunkCupcake 12

Wednesday 17 October 2012 20:29

Oh my god thats just awesome! Thank you for making my day sir. :)

SWhimsynBubbaS 14

Wednesday 17 October 2012 20:46

Mmm sexy :) btw love the username

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Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Weddings Love My ex Jealousy Friends AITA Embarrassing Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Thanksgiving Covid Argument Parenting Kids Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Money Work

The Top

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 2 452

Today, after six months of doing the job of 2 people, because all my coworker does is sleep and sit down with her phone, I told my boss that I can't be doing my coworker's job and getting the same salary as her. My boss added just $10 to my salary and told me to let her carry on doing nothing, while I still do the work of 2 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 132

The Top

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 269

You deserved it 62 389

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 784

You deserved it 2 771

Today, I had a phone call from a company I was applying to. It was going really well, until the call ended. Now since I'm so used to calling my girlfriend, I ended the call with, "Love you, bye." And if things couldn't get any worse, I started swearing to myself. The recruitment officer heard me. I forgot to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 867

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 547

You deserved it 4 093

Today, the first gift I opened was from my uncle. It was $80 in clothes that I'd bought for myself a week earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 225

You deserved it 707

Today, I excitedly told my brother I submitted a short story for a competition for the first time ever. His reply? "Congrats. I guess the first letter of rejection is a special occasion." Gee, thanks for that reality check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 425

You deserved it 1 231