Work: You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

By LoveGlove - 21/06/2014 21:42 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 131

You deserved it 4 958

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Good one, thanks

By zackeryburch - 03/08/2013 13:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 6 551

By fingwhore - 27/07/2014 17:12 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 567

You deserved it 6 955

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 21:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 430

You deserved it 6 543

By Help - 16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 076

You deserved it 2 046

By well then... - 15/06/2013 05:04 - Canada - London

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 422

You deserved it 4 790

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 02:00

Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 1 678

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 950

You deserved it 34 033

By Confused lesbian - 16/07/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 491

You deserved it 305

By Oops - 26/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 2 945

By ekaay - 16/01/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 048

You deserved it 1 003

mclauren29 22

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:38

Well love glove, it looks like it's time for some pay back.

mattb77 9

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:40

I guess this way the safety's always on....

Comments

joeymo304 9

Sunday 22 June 2014 15:45

Why are there condoms and cell phones at boot camp?

EvilLittleMan 23

Sunday 22 June 2014 16:12

Slip a big ass pair of granny panties complete with chocolate stains and smudges under their mattress.

DylanHasClass 17

Sunday 22 June 2014 17:33

When i was in basic, someone in my platoon got a care package.. It was filled with ******.. He was ordered to clean the toilets with them..

Makaze 12

Sunday 22 June 2014 17:51

You can use FML in boot camp?? Suck it up pansy.

Jesswokethisfall 11

Sunday 22 June 2014 18:07

youre an idiot lol he isnt whining

PegLegRacing 34

Sunday 22 June 2014 18:11

You're life doesn't suck that bad if they let you use the Internet in basic training... Military is getting soft.

wdthompson1 18

Sunday 22 June 2014 18:25

Wow, I seriously hope you have already graduated or else I do not feel sorry for you. Waaaah, you got punished and posted it on fml while in basic. It's so hard here. I truly hope you get the sarcasm.

tauntastine 1

Sunday 22 June 2014 18:46

man boot camp has changed over the years we had no access to the internet and could only call through pay phones that only took phone cards. Embrace the suck-you won't see most of those people in basic training ever again.