Work: You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

By LoveGlove - 21/06/2014 21:42 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 131

You deserved it 4 958

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Good one, thanks

By zackeryburch - 03/08/2013 13:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 6 551

By fingwhore - 27/07/2014 17:12 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 567

You deserved it 6 955

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 21:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 430

You deserved it 6 543

By Help - 16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 076

You deserved it 2 046

By well then... - 15/06/2013 05:04 - Canada - London

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 422

You deserved it 4 790

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 02:00

Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 1 678

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 950

You deserved it 34 033

By Confused lesbian - 16/07/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 491

You deserved it 305

By Oops - 26/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 2 945

By ekaay - 16/01/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 048

You deserved it 1 003

mclauren29 22

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:38

Well love glove, it looks like it's time for some pay back.

mattb77 9

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:40

I guess this way the safety's always on....

Comments

usmc4lyf 2

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:44

What kind of military are you in where you only have a week of carrying around a rifle , and where your comrades can get condoms?

Schizomaniac 24

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:49

Damn Canadians.

joeyl2008 29

Sunday 22 June 2014 14:27

I'm curious about how he is using his phone in basic

RedPillSucks 31

Sunday 22 June 2014 15:40

He may not be in basic now. Please retread the FML. He has to put a condom on any rifle he's carrying. Guess you're not in the intelligent part of military intelligence

SkinYouAlive 9

Sunday 22 June 2014 15:44

If he's out of basic he wouldn't have to worry about that anymore... I know the Army gets their phones during boot camp though.

mageepaigeee44 15

Sunday 22 June 2014 16:27

It doesn't matter. This could have happened months or years ago. FML makes you write in the present format. He could have written this after he was sent home.

iann32 10

Sunday 22 June 2014 16:37

I guess it depends where you go to boot.m camp. a buddy mine is in the army and when he was in boot anything that was with him when he got there got put in bag, locked away then given back when he was done with boot.

joeyl2008 29

Sunday 22 June 2014 18:25

#49 The OP literally says "boot camp" in the FML which is the same thing as basic training.

Akatosh_fml 1

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:44

You get your phone in basic? Well, aren't you lucky as Hell because we sure didn't!

Brandi_Faith 33

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:46

He probably didn't get a phone or internet and didn't post this till after training. And just because your training was different doesn't mean your any better or more "badass" than he is. Serving is serving and should be respected by all.

usmc4lyf 2

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:46

And where you can have a phone and internet access. That's called summer camp not boot camp

Brandi_Faith 33

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:44

Again, like everyone else has stated, he may not have had a phone or internet and probably didn't post this till he got home from training.

frokeyman92 9

Sunday 22 June 2014 20:06

Brandi_faith, we get it. Chill out. Also, regarding your first comment having your phone at basic/boot camp would have made my time a lot easier, but you wouldn't know that cause you probably didn't enlist, and even if you did you'd be a pog.

Mauskau 35

Sunday 22 June 2014 12:02

Wouldn't the rifle be very slippery to hold? Sounds fairly dangerous to me.

RedPillSucks 31

Sunday 22 June 2014 15:42

The condom doesn't go on the end he's holding.

RedPillSucks 31

Sunday 22 June 2014 15:50

My bad. It does say on the grip.

Gweedo65 16

Sunday 22 June 2014 12:07

That sucks, sorry love glove.

nifterific 3

Sunday 22 June 2014 12:07

Quit ******* bitching. That's part of being in the military. We prank each other. It's FUN. Play the game, you'll enjoy yourself I promise. But I've only been doing this for 9 years, what the hell do I know? PS put your damn phone away.

mageepaigeee44 15

Sunday 22 June 2014 16:30

You seem like a huge douche. He's not bitching. This website is for unfortunate/funny stories. All you military guys who are commenting in such a superior manner need to get the **** off the website.

Awesome_Ninjaz 12

Sunday 22 June 2014 16:50

They believe they're superior.

MrsDavehn 11

Sunday 22 June 2014 16:58

Signing up to protect your Country doesn't give you the right to be a complete douche! You must be a special kind of stupid if you really thing that he posted this while he was in boot camp. You should have a brain somewhere in your ignorant head. Use it!