Miscellaneous: You wanker!

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 454

You deserved it 4 564

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Same thing different taste

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 657

You deserved it 37 996

By whovian221b - 25/08/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 966

You deserved it 2 141

By johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 047

You deserved it 2 662

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 208

You deserved it 37 101

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 008

You deserved it 27 435

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 376

You deserved it 4 053

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 146

You deserved it 3 336

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 646

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 475

You deserved it 764

BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

Comments

yashack 0

Monday 26 April 2010 4:37

your mom loves me

2gether4ever 0

Monday 10 May 2010 13:56

...did you?

dannyboy66 7

Monday 14 June 2010 4:33

hardcore masturbation

robot10 0

Tuesday 15 June 2010 13:12

That is ****** up. but funny

rety1 13

Friday 2 July 2010 8:59

lol. if that were even possible I'm sure I would have done it a looong time ago...

lu95 16

Monday 12 July 2010 4:51

well did u?

joeleee 0

Sunday 18 July 2010 19:04

LOL

sophier13 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 4:01

I laughed forever after reading this!

TheyCallMeThumpe_fml 0

Sunday 15 August 2010 6:38

your mom's a G ^.^

Master__Chief 0

Monday 30 August 2010 0:50

dam how hard were you jacking off? take it easy there big fella, try lighter stroked, your dick isnt on fire, if it is jack off as hard as you want,

Keywords

Party Lonely Love Awkward ADHD Cars Transportation Ironic Work Mental health Vacation Grandparents Accident Miscellaneous Annoying Health Covid Kids Cute Shopping Coworkers Animals Dogs Photography Art Videos Intimacy Exhausted Sex Scams

The Top

Today, I finally felt well enough to take an actual shower after having surgery on my back. It took five minutes to stand up, ten minutes to get to the shower, and another ten minutes to get in. The pilot light went out in less than five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 728

You deserved it 2 411

Today, I’ve been threatened with a lawsuit for refusing to treat a patient. I had to refuse her because she brought a huge hairy dog with her that she falsely claimed was her service animal. Not only am I deathly allergic to dogs, the damn thing shat in my waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 73

The Top

Today, at my school, the student council is trying to raise $5000 for Haiti. They are doing so by playing the song from High School Musical in the hallways and cafeteria everyday until they get the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 980

You deserved it 4 383

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 048

You deserved it 3 501

Today, I was asked to translate for a family in Arabic since I’m the only one in my office who speaks Arabic. Turns out the family is actually from Bangladesh. They speak Bengali. When I explained this to my coworker he replied, “But aren’t y’all Middle Easterns related or something?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 94

Today, my best friend, who I've had serious feelings for for over a year, decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost two years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with, "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up six months ago. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 938

You deserved it 4 241

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 540

You deserved it 15 561

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 641

You deserved it 6 666