Miscellaneous: You wanker!

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 441

You deserved it 4 564

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Same thing different taste

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 655

You deserved it 37 996

By whovian221b - 25/08/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 964

You deserved it 2 141

By johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 044

You deserved it 2 661

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 206

You deserved it 37 101

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 006

You deserved it 27 433

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 376

You deserved it 4 053

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 144

You deserved it 3 336

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 644

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 910

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 763

BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

Comments

ydi_4_suking 20

Wednesday 10 November 2010 19:01

Dang dude you can rip the skin off if you go that hard

EmilyCecile 0

Monday 31 January 2011 3:29

sooo...how DID you break it?

sarah2144 14

Wednesday 23 March 2011 18:09

Well, did you?

MiGman 5

Monday 11 April 2011 4:47

^win

KrazyKarl 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 4:52

Wow that sucks OP. So is that how it happened or what?

rachilio 26

Wednesday 6 July 2011 22:37

how do I beak ur wrist while masturbating

missIrene 6

Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:42

win for your mom lol

krissybear13 0

Wednesday 27 July 2011 1:24

how does that work??? lol

abbyelizabeth 9

Wednesday 7 September 2011 6:10

Yes, yes she was.

MrBrightsidexvi 6

Thursday 1 December 2011 9:43

Well? Did you?

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Neighbours Wanker Lonely Halloween Party Jealousy Love Argument Fight Family Animals Cats Parents Sports Health Embarrassing Shopping Medication Anger issues Birds Weddings Pranks TikTok YouTube Dogs Cute AITA Work

The Top

Today, I was supposed to meet up with a girl I met on a dating app and had been chatting with. We exchanged the classic, "I'll be here and wearing this." At the location, a girl from a distance, wearing the described outfit, was checking me out. I immediately bailed out. Not only she is 9, she is also a student of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 93

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how 2 girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend says, "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he said, he hesitantly added "…if I was single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 638

You deserved it 486

The Top

Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 056

You deserved it 1 460

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I saw my dad on a bike, so I shouted after him. He turned his head around and then ran into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 165

You deserved it 36 331

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 547

You deserved it 61 201

Today, my boyfriend proposed via text, after telling me that he'd slept with his step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 513

You deserved it 190

Today, I found out that my "secret admirer" I've been exchanging letters with for the last three months, and even started developing feelings for, is actually my ex best friend trying to pull a prank on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 912

You deserved it 6 820

Today, my stepbrother found my diary and read it. He then told my boyfriend how I had a crush on another guy, and no longer liked him, causing my boyfriend to break up with me. That diary was from the third grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 899

You deserved it 3 751