Miscellaneous: You wanker!

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 454

You deserved it 4 564

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 657

You deserved it 37 996

By whovian221b - 25/08/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 966

You deserved it 2 141

By johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 047

You deserved it 2 662

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 208

You deserved it 37 101

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 008

You deserved it 27 435

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 376

You deserved it 4 053

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 146

You deserved it 3 336

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 646

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 475

You deserved it 764

BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

Comments

tyler159 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 4:55

Roflmao

stephy_fml 0

Friday 5 June 2009 18:52

Wow that is amaZing!!! Either your mom loves to make jokes or you need to take it easy when you are doing that from now on!!! LOL

funnyandcrappy 0

Friday 12 June 2009 18:29

Either way...your mom was wrong. Joking or not. Not a "good mother moment" for her.

shmaller 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:55

I hope you're ambidextrous.

WFMS 0

Tuesday 16 June 2009 21:33

That's awesome. That your mom has that kind of sence of humor. Not the breaking your wrist thing. That sucks

Taolan 23

Wednesday 17 June 2009 5:59

Your mom is awesome. xD Appropriate comeback: "Mom, it's kind of creepy knowing you watch me **********."

Stevenj 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 23:32

your mom , 1. You , 0.

FML_Add1cT 0

Tuesday 23 June 2009 13:15

Tight ass momma haha

dan81892 2

Wednesday 22 July 2009 5:56

well... did you?

mongorian 0

Monday 27 July 2009 19:11

Fake. There is only one person in the world who can jerk so hard the breaks his wrist. Chuck Norris.

MrRocknTwigs 6

Monday 5 December 2011 21:55

Chuck Norris can't break his wrist.

Keywords

Party Lonely Love Awkward ADHD Cars Transportation Ironic Work Mental health Vacation Grandparents Accident Miscellaneous Annoying Health Covid Kids Cute Shopping Coworkers Animals Dogs Photography Art Videos Intimacy Exhausted Sex Scams

The Top

Today, I walked in on my mother-in-law teaching my 11 year-old daughter how to purge herself using a toothbrush. Her logic is that, “If she gets fat, she’ll never get a boyfriend.” She sees nothing wrong, and bitched at me for messing with her future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 136

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 849

You deserved it 7 489

The Top

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 356

You deserved it 3 803

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 726

You deserved it 10 478

Today, my 6 year-old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair whose leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?" He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 562

You deserved it 25 973

Today, after almost 2 months of working from home alone, I was out walking and heard 2 guys talking. One was sitting in his car smoking weed; the other was standing next to the car telling him how he was tested positive today. Maybe not mention you are Covid positive when you're not supposed to be in public at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 162

Today, my boyfriend showed up at my grandmother's wake in torn jeans and a Family Guy t-shirt. When I took him aside asked him what the hell he was thinking, he lost his temper and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 419

You deserved it 4 312

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 962

You deserved it 2 345