Love, Intimacy, Sex, Dad jokes and Cops: Zinger - FML

Zinger

By Anonymous - 01/09/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, we had the police called on us for our loud sex noises. This led to my boyfriend making the joke that he’s so good at sex “even the police came.” It was funny at the time, but less funny when he told our friends. Even though I told him to stop, he keeps telling people, and it's pissing me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 156

Back to school: Courses and confusion
When the campus comes back to life, anecdotes abound between the lecture halls and student parties! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 23:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 209

You deserved it 38 292

By screamer - 02/09/2012 06:41 - United States - Paso Robles

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 956

You deserved it 38 503

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 614

You deserved it 4 981

Not now!

By XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

Spicy

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 784

You deserved it 4 324

Miscommunication

By xoxo - 01/04/2020 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 419

Hot and heavy

By Lickmylovepump - 19/01/2012 04:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 435

You deserved it 35 580

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 20:34 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 738

You deserved it 32 280

Honky

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 14:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 040

You deserved it 5 050

By XxMe123xx - 19/08/2010 00:51 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 551

You deserved it 10 950

By TalkDirtyToMe - 10/10/2014 19:33 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 099

You deserved it 7 482

Next

Top comments

Crowned Sataness 12

Monday 2 September 2024 1:13

might as well get a sense of humor about it. you didn't care who heard so you didn't care who knew

SkullKandy0621 2

Wednesday 11 September 2024 3:36

why would you get mad about that? I think it's hilarious

Comments

Crowned Sataness 12

Monday 2 September 2024 1:13

might as well get a sense of humor about it. you didn't care who heard so you didn't care who knew

TomeDr 24

Monday 2 September 2024 14:19

So you gave him a boundary and he continued to cross that boundary? Does he respect you at all?

wrecklesswfire 3

Monday 2 September 2024 18:35

I’m laughing so hard at that joke rotfl

SkullKandy0621 2

Wednesday 11 September 2024 3:36

why would you get mad about that? I think it's hilarious

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 8

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 180

You deserved it 30 206

The Top

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 281

You deserved it 10 163

Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 565

You deserved it 3 448

Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture, and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 683

You deserved it 5 298

Today, I ran into a guy that I had gone on a few dates with 3 months ago and slept with him a few times, but then never heard from him again. When he looked at me, I went over and gave him a hug and said "Hey, how are you, Chris?". He hugged me back and said "Hey there cutie, what's your name?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 961

You deserved it 18 043

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while, but I had heard she was pregnant. I rubbed her belly and asked when she was due. She slowly backed away, giving me a weird look and said, "Two months ago." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 826

You deserved it 19 766

Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 131

You deserved it 5 557