intimacy

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 1 392

Mr Selfish

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 11:00

Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 192

In flagrante delicto

By Matasha - 19/04/2021 23:00

Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 136

Alone time

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 14:00

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 336

Indecent proposal

By Dude wtf - 19/04/2021 02:02

Today, a guy propositioned me for a threesome with his girlfriend. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he's knows I'm gay and have a boyfriend, or the fact that his girlfriend is my sister. He seemed confused as to why I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 142

Turntables

By Bill Mantie - 18/04/2021 02:00

Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has now lost hers. Oh, how the tables have turned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 150

Sounds like a keeper, actually

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 1 803

Couldn't have been that great

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 16:59 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 1 147

Frustrating!

By horny I’m so horny - 15/04/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 285

Close

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 01:59

Today, my husband decided it's completely fine to walk around the house with his penis out in front of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 153

Who'd want that?

By ... - 14/04/2021 17:00

Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 209

We were on a break!

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 17:01

Today, it's been two weeks since my girlfriend of many years and I decided to take a short break from each other. We'd been fighting a lot and felt like some space would help the situation. I found out today that, at some point during those two weeks, she decided to go and have sex with my (now ex) best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 290

Crank time

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 05:00 - United States - Elyria

Today, four months into a deep depression, I now have a new involuntary reaction to being sad and angry. I constantly have an erection when I'm feeling really down or pissed off, even when I cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 142

Keep out

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 13:57

Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 114

Give it your best shot

By Staywidowed - 08/04/2021 23:00

Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked up with a male friend. I'm so out of practice, I honestly believe round-two the next morning was out of pity more than actual interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 218

Cranky

By Passive ass aggressor - 08/04/2021 02:00

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 7 223

Talk to her!

By Anonymoys - 06/04/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Today my girlfriend actually moved during sex. I love her, but she's so awful in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 400

Women shouldn't fart?

By single again - 06/04/2021 17:00

Today, I slept in the same room as my girlfriend for the first time. She is sweet, smart, and drop-dead gorgeous, so naturally I thought she was going to be the one. Until she farted in her sleep. 56 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 3 168

**** addiction

By Anonymous - 03/04/2021 12:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I was recording a video on Snapchat to send to one of my friends, while unaware that my father had walked in behind me. I was talking about how I can’t watch porn anymore because my phone is broken. He now knows too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 1 375

Sophie's choice

By Anonymous - 01/04/2021 08:01

Today, after months and months of putting up with bleeding, I have made the connection that, if I orgasm, I will bleed the following day for days at a time, regardless of whether or not I should be on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 799

You deserved it 99

Family sticks together

By R we Hillbilliez? - 01/04/2021 00:30

Today, I overheard my husband screaming and sobbing into the phone. Apparently, his mistress has been cheating on him with both his brother and their uncle. Who’s the woman in question? My much younger niece, who lives next door. I don’t even know where to begin to approach this dumpster fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 979

You deserved it 133

Hot pixels

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 16:59

Today, after months of having my standards lowered by how unattractive guys' dating profiles are, I found myself masturbating to the yellow guy from Sin City. Yep. He's hot compared to my real options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 663

Slicy slicy

By ChloeLuvzAnime - 30/03/2021 17:01

Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 273

What a wuss

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 08:01

Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 332

Awkward

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 00:30

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 898

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 15:30 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of four years, whom I have stuck by through every hardship, including his ongoing battle with military PTSD, is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 113

Unfulfilled

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 00:00 - Romania - Campina

Today, my alarm rang just as I was about to have a wet dream with my husband. This is the closest I got to having sex in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 155

Hormones

By HormonesSuck - 25/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and super horny. I also cried during sex with my husband because I can't orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 204

Classic

By Stooped - 25/03/2021 09:00 - United States

Today, I paid my long-distance boyfriend of 4 years a surprise visit. I entered his house and he got irrationally angry, asking why didn’t I tell him beforehand. Moments later, a female voice yelled, "Babe come back to bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 233

Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 11:01

Today, I decided to get back into exercising and healthy eating. Why? So I can hopefully look good enough to do porn and make some money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 540

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Christmas Cute Work Am I overreacting? Holidays Cats Shopping Gifts Awkward Health Friends Relatable Hair Poopoo peepee Money Education Animals Gross Neighbours Intimacy Sex Cops Love Smells Painful First Dates Music Grieving

The Top

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 4 225

Today, and for the last few months, I finally have enough money to be able to move into my own place. I can finally have girls over. I am also at the age of 26, where most girls stop wanting to go over to a guy's house. I wish I was 18 again, when independence is seen as new and sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 303

The Top

Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 487

You deserved it 2 281

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 465

You deserved it 10 043

Today, I had to tell my boyfriend his dad was sending me inappropriate texts that made me feel uncomfortable. I tried to make him stop, but he kept going until I felt like I needed to tell my boyfriend. Who's now broken up with me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 123

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 857

You deserved it 7 403

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 272

You deserved it 39 243

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 287

You deserved it 47 721