By xxx - 03/10/2015 13:38 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died. But I thought for a few seconds the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML
I agree, your life sucks 21 176
You deserved it 8 346
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Top comments

Wizardo 33

It gets easier and more morally desensitising after a few faps. Just wear a tin foil hat on both heads.

259 3
booze_n_bitches 37

I normally just hire a few exotic dancers to come over every time I wank. Or ask them to come up from the basement for ten minutes. Less of this "technology" malarkey.

130 5

Comments

Wizardo 33

It gets easier and more morally desensitising after a few faps. Just wear a tin foil hat on both heads.

259 3
drunkmunkey 24

I'm wondering what kind of **** he was watching to make him worry about government intervention.... Not a good thought

20 0
interesting33 36

Took me way too long to realise you weren't talking about a Zaphod Beeblebrox type person with two heads.

0 1
Erzabae 6

LOL that's great, futurama reference for the winnn

1 2
drunkmunkey 24

68 that's a hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy reference. Now. So long and thanks for all the fish!

1 1
xoxoblondee 31

Clearly the government saw that and killed the battery to your phone on purpose.

67 4
okokalright 15

Hey, sometimes i get those phony "fbi" pop ups that demands 200 bucks on **** sites. I would be a bit paranoid too tbh

23 0
speakfreely 21

I use to get so paranoid while masturbating that someone installed cameras in my teddy bears to watch me that i always had to hide them in the closet while doing it lol you're not the only irrationally paranoid one

83 2
chuka81 27

Installing cameras in teddies, so cliché. I install mine in clothes, TVs, windows, doors, kitchen sink, microwave, plates, fridges and curtains. You can be assured that I kept a couple in your closet and I saw you each time.

85 1
ToxicTyrael 26

#11 Thanks again for selling me the videos. They're in an astonishing good quality.

75 0
ThrottleJockey 35

#11. I thought the videos from the teddies were a bit fuzzy, in my opinion.

33 1
chuka81 27

Incognito mode won't hide it from the government.

56 0
Krypt1c 11

They also can't do anything if its legal **** though. lol

20 1
RockstarJAy 16

Define Legal ****, 35

8 0
DanCastellaneta 17

^ Well, if it's not child **** or rape or incest...

0 1
Xion0014 20

Sometimes I thought that my desktop had cameras even though they didn't and then I'd get caught and it'll be in the computer. Lol! At least you were smart enough to watch it on your phone so you wouldn't risk a virus on your computer!

12 3
Mauskau 35

My ex got a virus on his phone from a **** site. This virus was sending texts to premium numbers and they weren't recorded in the text history on the phone, so he ended up with an extra £100 on his phone bill. It wasn't until he told me about the extra charges that I found the virus and got rid of it for him, and then he had to confess to watching **** after saying "i never watch **** especially on my phone!" lol. Most of the virus infested pcs I've had to fix have been because of ****. Around 60% of the webpages have viruses on them, they might not be harmful but they're there as they get a lot of traffic and advertising is what keeps them going.

14 2
Xion0014 20

What phone does he use? He probably signed himself up. Theres no way you would sent out texts or anything of that nature. I've never gotten a virus on my phone(android) and I've been browsing on there for about 5+ years. Maybe he tried to download something instead of streaming.

2 1
booze_n_bitches 37

I normally just hire a few exotic dancers to come over every time I wank. Or ask them to come up from the basement for ten minutes. Less of this "technology" malarkey.

130 5
ThrottleJockey 35

Besides, technology is lacking in that personal touch.

3 1
One_Way 43

Even with technology you still can have a personal touch. You just have to provide it for yourself.

4 1
Vlen_fml 20

there are other illegal forms of **** but that's the general point, why are you worrying about the governement if you're looking at regular 18+ ****?

24 0
NYM88 26

It's worse than you think. They ARE watching you!

17 2
Jerakl 21

They are watching, yes. But they don't care about what you whack off to. In reality it all goes into a big jumble of data where an individual is not distinguishable. They only monitor "suspected terrorists/criminals" as an individual.

27 3
RedPillSucks 31

don't believe her. she's one of the watchers. just look at her eyes

38 0
Badkarma4u 17

It never ceases to amaze me when people believe what intelligence agencies tell them. As if the people they are investigating are not watching. They lie all the time. The only time you find out what they are doing is when they get caught.

0 1