The Top

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By Eve - 24/06/2011 10:45 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 099

You deserved it 10 727

By FMLMom - 08/08/2012 08:02 - United States - Chula Vista

Spicy

Today, I learned that my son goes on online chat rooms and has sexual fantasy role-play. To make matters worse, the characters he uses are from My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 855

You deserved it 4 638

By puppielover - 21/08/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 977

You deserved it 3 723

Admission time

By peeoncarl1111 - 29/01/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 486

You deserved it 120 583

Loose fit

By cloud7 - 27/12/2010 03:40

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 864

You deserved it 6 914

By dumping time - 25/11/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Aylesford

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 098

You deserved it 30 852

By lemonhead - 23/05/2011 01:58

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 924

You deserved it 47 472

By gfg - 16/03/2009 18:48 - Romania

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173 809

You deserved it 24 623

Bad timing

By Proprepourtant - 16/04/2011 11:28 - France

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 952

You deserved it 12 577

By sadsexer23 - 16/02/2010 03:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 828

You deserved it 6 735

By MLGreco - 14/10/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 466

You deserved it 5 780

By ditched?? - 06/08/2010 09:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving around town in his car. To my surprise he took me out to lunch. As we were leaving, a girl walks up and asks if he had room for one more for a ride, sadly he only has two seats in his car. Guess who had to walk! FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 363

You deserved it 5 717

By scalmon - 13/05/2011 17:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 363

You deserved it 67 534

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 902

You deserved it 30 728

By gemma - 11/09/2012 16:56 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Spicy

Today, I figured out how serious my weight problem really is when my boyfriend had to lift a fat roll before he could enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 805

You deserved it 59 422

By Anonymous - 26/03/2015 13:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 493

You deserved it 3 641

By JessBaby - 04/05/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 997

You deserved it 6 577

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 37

Mean streets

By love_today - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I got called a "f***ing b**ch" by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 960

You deserved it 7 224

By rtrim29 - 26/12/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 733

You deserved it 93 750

By LiveLoveLys - 31/03/2012 18:28 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I tried to explain to my 23-year-old boyfriend the difference between "your" and "you're". I do this every other day, but it's like his head is permanently stuck in the first grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 143

You deserved it 6 912

LiveLoveLys tells us more.

LiveLoveLys 1

Sunday 1 April 2012 4:34

OP here. I love my boyfriend, but you wouldn't BELIEVE how lazy and unmotivated he is sometimes. I think his attitude of not giving a **** goes back to how he's always been fed with a silver spoon and been given EVERYTHING in life. He feels as if he doesn't need to do anything, and that it's all up to everyone else. That goes for getting a job and earning money to pay the bills as well as stupid stuff like this. His attitude is "if they can figure it out, why should I care?" That doesn't make him a bad person, but it's hugely insensitive. I wouldn't be surprised if most of the people here talking crap about me are exactly the same as he is. That "your" vs "you're" thing bugs the hell out of me anyway and it's not like committing the difference to memory is a hard thing. Long rant done, thanks. Edit: I didn't mean to reply to this comment. :S

By Aaron - 26/08/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 642

You deserved it 56 020

By stargirl - 19/07/2011 00:36 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 295

You deserved it 13 148

By Anonymous - 16/08/2011 03:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I'm a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 742

You deserved it 5 188

By theyre not THAT big. - 01/07/2013 04:35 - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 589

You deserved it 3 208

By Noname - 25/02/2009 01:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 135 974

You deserved it 24 462

By Misunderstood Waitress - 06/11/2012 22:37 - United States

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 738

You deserved it 49 841

By drebel - 09/03/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 392

You deserved it 4 549

By Oblivious - 08/05/2009 19:39 - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 941

You deserved it 16 231

By weeks - 19/08/2009 04:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 401

You deserved it 5 522

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Keywords

Cheating Love Relatable Work Money My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I really wanted to spend a night of passion with my lover, so I'd arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number, and waited for him in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it slowly and enticingly, assuming it was him. It was room service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 406

You deserved it 11 953

Today, an absolute cretin of a lorry driver ran into the back of me as I was slowing down for an orange light about to go red. My car is totalled and he had the nerve to tell the police I had brake checked him on purpose, probably for an insurance scam, and that it was all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 63

The Top

Today, I learned that Guru Tugginmypudha was right, two elephants humping is the ultimate distraction, as in, when two elephants started humping during my kids' trip to the zoo, a mad crowd of idiots rushed to watch, and somewhere in the middle of it all I clearly felt a pickpocket steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 147

Today, I saw two cute girls walking my way as I was parking my car. Trying to impress them, I got out and attempted to coolly walk to the sidewalk. I tripped on the curb, scraped both my knees, and was laughed at all the way until I got back inside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 36 024

Today, my husband got on a business call, but he was not using his usual booming, baritone voice. Instead, he was soft and sweet and began with, "Hey, how have you been?" and quickly went into his office. Curious, I listened outside his door. It was a female co-worker. The work talk was waaaay too fun and familiar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 116

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 777

You deserved it 64 421

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax, my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 137

You deserved it 5 570

Today, during a Zoom meeting, five out of the six attendees claimed their cameras were broken and were audio only. I get that Zoom meetings suck but come up with a better excuse than that, or just say you prefer to be audio only, Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 402