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Fall vibes

By Frozen - 19/10/2024 07:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I slept on the couch last night. Not because of an angry significant other, but because my bedroom was absolutely freezing, thanks to the wind. It was like a giant freezer. Even fully cocooning myself in blankets with a sweater on didn't work. I should get a space heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 102

What's that coming over the hill?

By Anonymous - 18/10/2024 09:00 - Germany - Welle

Today, they say our bowels are like a second brain. Well, mine seem to have the brain of an 8-year-old, because we’ve been playing “Attack of the Monster Poo” for five consecutive days now. Of course, like any self-respecting monster, it only attacks when you're asleep, then again once you've let your guard down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 78

Freestyle

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 12:00 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I'd practiced for a slam poetry night all day. When I got up on stage, I forgot all of it and, for some reason, and my brain refused to improvise around my planned themes, so I launched into a totally unrelated rant about how confusing microwaves are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 197

My finest hour

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 06:00 - Canada

Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 199

Steve Carell from Aldi

By Anonymous - 24/05/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that when my husband is telling our boys off, he can’t think of what to say so he just steals lines from TV shows. This afternoon he told them, “Have you lost your minds? Because I’ll help you find them!” and, “I’ll be on your tails like a hot wind!” Both phrases are from The Office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 149

Skittish

By Anonymous - 01/08/2024 22:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was halfway through a pair of pants I'd started making when my PTSD kicked in and I had a panic attack, and thought someone was yelling at me, so my response was to throw a pair of sewing scissors at the non-existent person. They hit the wall and now I have to get the wall patched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 231

Stumped

By Possibly a robot - 27/09/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I failed a CAPTCHA seven times before completing it. They didn't lie when they said they are making them harder. I don't think I'm a robot, but maybe I should get tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 118

Goddamn cat!

By Anonymous - 22/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Monsey

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I noticed the balcony door was open. As I went to go close it, I swear I saw my cat wondering outside and I panicked. Long story short, I locked myself out searching for the cat and the next thing I knew, he was meowing at me from the balcony a few feet above me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 185

Cooked

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother cooked breakfast for everyone at my house. Then I later found one of my sex toys in the sink. I “casually” asked her what she used it for, and turns out she used it to make everyone’s scrambled eggs. She thought it was an electric egg whisk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 567

Social life

By Anonymous - 12/07/2024 01:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the high point of the day was seeing someone I don't see or talk to very often, and I realized that 99% of the reason we hang out is because I get along with her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 107

Today I learned…

By Anonymous - 15/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the little bumps on the child seats in the Wal-Mart shopping carts are spaced just enough that they can crack my brand new phone's screen past its screen protector in two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 202

Needy baby

By Guess that's why they call it suffoCATion - 06/11/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I'm taking care of my friend's cat while he's away for a while. She's very clingy and friendly, which I don't mind… or at least, I thought I didn't mind, until I tried to go to sleep and she insisted on lying on my face. I felt bad for having to kick her out of the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 123

Charming dude

By Hurt as hell - 29/11/2023 07:30

Today, I saw the guy I have a crush on kissing a blonde chick. He'd turned me down because he “wasn’t into blondes”. I’m a blonde myself. When I confronted him about it, he told me, “Oh, I should have been more specific. I’m not into blondes who have a face like Sid the Sloth and a body like Shamu.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 781

What's my name again?

By Lauren - 18/11/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that I’ve been greeting a coworker by the wrong name for six weeks. The worst part? They never corrected me because they thought it was funny, especially because it turns out to be their mom's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 94

What more do you need?

By Anonymous - 24/11/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, we have elevators at my work, but you need to go to HR to get a key. I was denied one after I almost died in a car accident because I didn’t look “hurt enough.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 62

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 02/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I learned that I don’t need to fake my orgasms, even though I’ve never been given one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 200

It's the way I tell 'em

By Anonymous - 21/07/2024 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with my boss and two other coworkers. To lighten the mood, I tried telling a joke. I forgot the punchline halfway through and ended up awkwardly trailing off. We still had 20 minutes to go before maintenance rescued us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 218

Spooked

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 253

Shake it off

By chubby - 11/07/2024 12:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my metabolism finally slowed down just weeks before my high school reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 119

Kinda sus, huh?

By Derek - 25/09/2024 00:00 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, my best friend told me, "Dude, your girlfriend looks so much like this girl I went to high school with!" and showed me a picture of a girl with a string bikini in a semi-suggestive pose on the beach. I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't my girlfriend. He HAD to choose the skimpiest photo to compare to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 129

It's like high school all over again

By Anonymous - 15/11/2024 19:00 - United States - Denver

Today, at work, I'm supervising one person. Recently there's been tension between her and a couple of other coworkers, one of which was her friend. I spent the day running around and trying to smooth things over, just to find out what started this was her walking in on her former friend talking about her behind her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 97

Happens to the best of us

By Anonymous - 13/10/2024 06:00 - United States - Akron

Today, I got ready for work half-asleep, grabbed my coffee, and walked out the door. It wasn’t until I was in the elevator that I realized I was also holding the TV remote instead of my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 177

Superheroes Finger Family Song Johny Johny Yes Papa Nursery Rhymes Giant Syringe

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my niece and let her watch cartoons on YouTube while I cooked dinner. She screamed as I was cutting up carrots and I cut myself. She had turned on an episode of Happy Tree Friends and was now crying and wouldn't stop. My brother thumped me for not watching her. I now have a cut hand and black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 511

Self rated

By Anonymous - 09/01/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I realized my success rates for sex in my committed relationship were really, really low, so I've decided to stop trying for a while. I also recently have learned Excel. I made a pretty complex tracker if I ever decide to try again to monitor failures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 187

What a pity

By Anonymous - 03/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I realized I will never find love again. I broke down after I finally realized that no woman will love me like I used to be loved. I have not dated anyone for almost 10 years. I try to go on dates, to no avail. I will forever be alone and I will forever be tortured by my loneliness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 393

Unwelcome home

By Bee Quarantine - 10/09/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, there is a wasp nest right next to my front door. To exit the house safely, I have to use the back door and carefully sneak over to the car. Alternatively, I can just walk everywhere. Or I can become a shut-in, but I don't think I'd last long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 165

Doggos 4 Life

By Jerry01 - 19/11/2024 03:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, in the middle of what I thought was an empty park, I told my dog he’s the “goodest, bestest boy” while out on a walk. A stranger appeared out of nowhere, gave me a thumbs-up, and said, “You too, champ.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 140

Scratch cards

By Just my luck - 15/02/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was gambling on pull tabs. My friend, never much of a gambler, asked to take one. I was confused but gave one to him anyway. I got precisely $0 from them. The tab I gave to my friend was a winner. How much was it worth, you ask? Six hundred dollars. I'm very happy for him, but… seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 352

Express yourself

By Embarassed - 18/10/2024 20:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 121

Crap

By Anonymous - 18/04/2024 22:00 - Germany

Today, I live in my own house, but on my mom’s property. Whether I look outside towards the south, west, or east, I always look upon some ugly crap my mom has lying around. Except the north. On that side, it’s the neighbors’ crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 323

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weddings Awkward Love My ex Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid Argument Kids Parenting Thanksgiving Ironic Medication Cute Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Work

The Top

Today, I tried to talk to my teenage son about healthy masculinity. He said, "Yeah Mom, I know. Lift weights and eat red meat and fish. Can I go?" Not what I meant at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 379

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 389

The Top

Today, my dad said to me, "This millenial idea that you can be happy in life is so wrong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 203

Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 998

You deserved it 46 801

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 897

You deserved it 191

Today, when my husband told me years ago he wanted to parent just like his dad used to, I had no idea that meant helping with practical stuff like cooking and nappy changing, but otherwise ignoring our kid's emotional well-being and telling them to buzz off when they try to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 167

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 837

You deserved it 297

Today, I took a deep breath and started journaling to "figure out my life." Two hours later, I had written four pages of ranting about my upstairs neighbor's loud footsteps and zero pages about my life goals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 302