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Bad omen

By Anonymous - 18/06/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend apparently lied to me when he'd said we could get a dog one day. I bought a puppy for him in secret but as soon as he saw it he was all, "What the hell is that? We’re not keeping it." It’s now with his parents, as he didn’t want it overnight or even in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 776

Jacked

By Gertland - 26/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I went to the gym and approached a machine I had never used before. After a few minutes of awkward attempts, an instructor came over and politely informed me I was using it completely wrong. The worst part? It was the stretching machine, and I thought it was for abs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 242

BOOM!

By Alison - 18/11/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, my boss called to check if I was available for a last-minute meeting. Trying to sound professional, I sat up straight in my chair, only to forget I was sitting on a rolling chair with no lock. The chair slid back, I slipped off, and a loud crash echoed through the office. My boss asked if I was okay, and I tried pretending nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 184

Major FOMO

By dan - 14/12/2023 13:00 - United States

Today, I learned my most recent ex-girlfriend is dating my previous ex-girlfriend who also broke my heart back then. I also learned that they both sometimes have threesomes with a man. I wanted to experiment by adding another woman when I was with each of them, but they always said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 469

It's Joever

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 08:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I had an extremely embarrassing moment when I tried to pay my restaurant bill. First, I tried swiping my card, only for it not to work. After the cashier suggested I insert my chip card, I tried putting it on the bottom, only for it not to be there. I finished by putting the card in the proper place upside-down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 156

Listen up during Sex Ed

By PregoPattie - 08/02/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out I’m 6 weeks pregnant. I’m a senior in high school. I’m not sure who the father is since I was in a situationship with one guy after my ex, and I broke it off last Halloween. My parents strictly forbade me from dating until I was in college, so I don’t know how to tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 935

Impressive

By Kris - 27/07/2024 12:00 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I tried to blow my girlfriend's vegan parents minds by cooking them a tofu stir-fry. Being allergic to tofu but wanting to prove my cooking skills, I wore gloves and avoided touching my face. Somehow, I still managed to get it in my eye, causing an allergic reaction that made my face swell up like a balloon. Now her parents think I'm some sort of Martian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 419

Lightbulb moment

By Kevin - 17/10/2024 16:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I tried to smack a fly that was buzzing around my room. I ended up hitting the wall a little too hard, scaring my cat, who jumped up and ran under the bed, knocking over a lamp. The fly is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 145

Hurry up!

By lukey101 - 29/12/2023 00:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I increased my internet plan to help speed up downloading a giant 600GB file. After paying for the upgrade, I got a notification that the plan change wouldn’t be effected until 24 hours later. Of course, it actually upgraded mere moments after the file download had already completed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 422

Open Minded

By Anonymous - 28/03/2024 18:00 - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I made a tasty, healthy plant-based lunch for my family. They ate a few bites, spat it out, and then went to McDonald's "to eat real food, you know, food with meat in it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 795

Same

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 16:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, people’s spelling has gotten so bad that I do a double take whenever I see “its” used in the place it’s actually supposed to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 123

Keep some things to yourself

By Beer - 28/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I picked out a massive two-inch long ingrown hair on my chin. I called my girlfriend in to take a look. She saw it, shrieked, then fainted, cracking her head on the toilet as she fell. Hello, hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 368

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 06/04/2024 07:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I had to sit and listen in mortification as my mother tearfully told our therapist how much sleep she loses over my being morbidly obese. She doesn't seem to care that I'm body positive and happy with the way I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 1 031

Turned out OK

By Lauren - 24/11/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I found my high school diary and decided to read it for nostalgia. My teenage self wrote, “Future me will totally be rich, famous, and married to Chris Hemsworth by 30.” I’m 32, single, and googling “How to fix a clogged toilet.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 124

I'm so tired

By slapstick1982 - 30/05/2024 03:00 - United States - Port Washington

Today, after double-checking to make sure the garage door was completely open, I backed my car into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 267

Messed up

By bob - 15/02/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I see plenty of guys who've messed up on Valentine's Day and not getting their girlfriend’s gifts. Meanwhile, I’m over here having been turned down by every girl i’ve known for the last four years. “I only see you as a friend”, “I’m not interested in a relationship”, “I don't see you that way.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 625

Tangled web

By Anonymous - 03/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I received my Amazon order of a mini massage gun, which I’d been really excited about. I tried it out, but it got tangled in my hair so badly that I had to cut it out. Now I have a bald patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 245

Never gonna give you up

By I’m not like other guys! - 24/11/2024 06:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my crazy ex has scared off yet another great woman. Thanks to all the douchebags that use “crazy ex” as an excuse to for their own shit behavior, no one believes me that mine is legitimately crazy. I didn’t cheat or mistreat her, I left because of her control and jealousy issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 72

Freeze!

By Anonymous - 03/06/2024 06:00 - United States - Macon

Today, I was craving a cold Coke, so I grabbed one from the freezer where I had put it to chill quickly. As soon as I opened it, the can exploded all over me and the kitchen. I spent the next hour cleaning sticky residue off the floor, surrounding furniture, and even the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 441

Move on

By Seb - 15/04/2024 07:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I watched the new Fallout series, which was pretty good… except for the fact that Ella Purnell looks a lot like my ex. Now it’s 6 a.m., hours before I have to wake up, and I can't keep myself from crying. I broke up with this girl for a number of reasons which seem somewhat valid now, but I regret it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 313

Oooh, time for some Sweet and Sour King Prawn Balls

By Anonymous - 08/06/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in a serious bid to lose weight, I’ve changed my lifestyle, including throwing away the 20-odd takeaway menus we keep in the kitchen. It’s only been two hours and we’ve already had five new menus from local takeaways delivered through the letterbox. Why, Universe, why do you wish me to stay fat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 342

Sweet baby

By Please stay alive - 13/10/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I've been assigned to watch my friend's cat while he's away from home. His cat is 22 years-old and very grumpy. Most of my time has been spent making sure she's not dead, and getting attacked when I accidentally interrupt her naps. I've already got a few scratches. This is gonna be a long few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 244

Wish I wasn't here

By I hate camping - 28/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, my family is getting ready for a vacation. My idea of a vacation is being on a beach, staying in a luxurious hotel, with cute guys and great restaurants everywhere. Unfortunately, we are going to be sleeping in a cold tent in the mountains, cook over a fire, and listen to bears stomp around at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 647

Loving

By HeatherFeather - 23/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, the guy I was seeing told me it wasn’t gonna work out and that he wished me the best. Apparently I acted “too desperate” for his liking. Gee, I’m sorry, but I guess showing basic decency like buying you a birthday present, buying you lunch everyday, and allowing you to use my Netflix, AKA being loving, is too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 560

Decisions, decisions

By Not how that works - 10/11/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about possibly having a threesome. In his words, choosing a woman would be "a fun new experience for us to enjoy together." But choosing a man would be "forcing me to watch you cheat, and pretend that I'm okay with it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 122

Help wanted

By Anonymous - 16/05/2024 13:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, I'm 37 years-old. I work full time and make 20 dollars an hour. I live with my parents. I still cannot afford to move out and I'm completely broke. I keep overspending because I get anxious because I feel like a failure. I'm addicted to sugar and eat a pint of ice cream a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 601

Panic!

By Anonymous - 31/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 481

Social media is bad for your anxiety

By Facebook-less - 10/10/2024 02:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I tried to log into Facebook, only to find I can't. Every time I try, no matter what device I'm on, I get an error message. I have no idea how to fix the problem, even after lots of searching. Even worse, I can't use Messenger either. My friends don't believe me, and think I'm simply ignoring them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 211

Role models

By Feminist - 17/11/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I tried to talk to my teenage son about healthy masculinity. He said, "Yeah Mom, I know. Lift weights and eat red meat and fish. Can I go?" Not what I meant at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 379

Messed up

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend, the father of my child, has been cheating on me. We’ve only been back together for about five months. I stopped talking to someone I really liked to try to make it work with him for our kid. I learned a few days ago that that guy moved on. I regret not taking my chance. Now I might not ever get one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 526

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Weddings Love My ex Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Thanksgiving Covid Argument Kids Parenting Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Money Work

The Top

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 652

You deserved it 8 783

Today, yet again I had to lie to a date about what I do for a living, because every time I tell someone the truth, that I work in private equity, they have some choice words about "people like me ruining things" and "ruining the housing prices." I feel like an evil James Bond or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 558

The Top

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 315

You deserved it 5 695

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 729

You deserved it 2 954

Today, my coworker called me a liar when I said I've been to New York. This is the same psycho who honestly expects me to believe that she and Brad Pitt have a "thing" and that he secretly communicates with her through interviews on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 892

You deserved it 1 814

Today, I was having a conversation with my husband when our daughter walked in and shouted at us, “For god's sake, will you two either stop shouting or buy some fucking hearing aids.” That’s when we realised we might be going deaf, given that we've been saying “Pardon?” or “What?” without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 247

Today, my dad tried to hook me up with someone. It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 85

Today, I've been requesting to use my days off for months, but my boss would turn it down because of emergencies that required my presence (90% of the time it didn’t). Now it’s the end of year and he yelled at me for not using my days off, because it made him look bad to corporate. Asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 91