All the FMLs

Niles Crane wannabe

By that’s crazy - 12/02/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 113

Take deep breath…

By paininthe*ss - 13/02/2023 00:00

Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 127

Grossed out

By BARF - 12/02/2023 18:00

Today, my boyfriend is an incredibly adventurous eater. We were on a road trip and stopped at a place that had "Fried brain sandwiches" and he insisted on trying one. He loved it. Just watching him eat it made me so sick that I still feel nauseous hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 222

Are you sure?

By Anonymous - 13/02/2023 00:00 - Australia - Clayfield

Today, it's been a few weeks since I last played Skyrim and I had done a lot when I last played it, but when I logged in again, nothing was saved. I definitely saved but yeah no, so 2-3 hours of play is GONE. And I have very bad memory, so I have no clue what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 771

Streaming

By Soiled - 12/02/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I lost my balance while peeing. I'll let your imagination do the rest. In the meantime, I'm going to take a shower and change my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 200

Speeding bullet

By uncoretard - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 552

You deserved it 8 095

Catfished

By Travis - 12/02/2023 06:00 - Poland - Polska

Today, I found out after 6 months in basic training that my wife of 3 years was playing the long game to scam me. She took me for 25k while I was away, then left me for a homeless meth head. I've been "getting divorced" now longer than we had been happily married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 158

Time flies

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a self-destructive personality among other things. I saw everything from my past instantly, like photographic memory recall. It was utterly terrifying, from extreme childhood drug-induced trauma that continues to this day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 135

Kinda sus

By Unreasonable - 12/02/2023 00:00

Today, my husband referred to me as his “roommate” when I came home from work and saw his female coworker here for a visit. The one he has “work conversations” with at 11 pm. I've talked to him about it and he tells me I’m being paranoid and unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 158

Soiled

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 22:00

Today, I learned what the phrase "Never trust a far", is all about. I spent several minutes trying to wash my filthy underwear in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 350

Wakey wakey

By 30000 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 488

You deserved it 13 201

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 12:00 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, I got a call from a former client. After migrating his firm to cloud-based apps a few months back, he decided I was too expensive, and he'd manage things himself. He called today with "a couple of quick questions." Question 1: How does he log in to make changes? FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 108

Been around the world and I I I, I can't find my suitcase

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 16:00

Today, I arrived home after taking one airplane from A to B. My luggage never made it on the plane with me, and now the airline is looking for it. One plane and still lost my suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 102

Rent-a-wreck

By PolarBear2020 - 11/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was driving my rented car on the highway at 60 mph when I realized that the brakes had gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 95

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 12:00

Today, I went to turn in a coding project a few days early. After months of working on a code and saving backups, everything is gone or corrupted. I have to start from square one and turn it in less than 48 hours from now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 152

Threatening

By I hate my family - 11/02/2023 10:00

Today, my mom told me to be my sister’s maid of honor at her wedding or I’m out of her will. She says if I don’t go, I’m being selfish, and she wants to see her “baby girls” bonding one last time before she dies. I would gladly go if my sister wasn’t marrying my ex-husband, who cheated on me with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 122

The lawnmower man

By Omega - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was sitting outside while my dad was mowing the lawn. He ran over a hornet's nest with several now-angry hornets. He escaped unscathed. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 332

You deserved it 1 544

Return to sender

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 04:00 - Germany - Ingolstadt

Today, I pulled a prank on my friend by making a fake Tinder profile just to catfish him. All our friends came to make fun of him, only to realise that he'd stood me up. Turns out, never showing for first dates is his way of playing hard to get. Now everyone is laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 1 759

Red or grey?

By Cherry - 11/02/2023 02:00

Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 1 376

One flew out of the cuckoo's nest

By Tired - 11/02/2023 00:00

Today, I got out of a psych ward. I lied and said I was better, just so I could leave because it was that awful… but the truth is that I'm worse than when I went in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 235

Working conditions

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 16:00 - Australia

Today, I'm sitting in a disgustingly hot office with all the windows thrown open. There is no fan, and the owner won't let us use the air conditioner. The smell of mold permeates the room from the ceiling, giving me headaches by the end of the day. The owner refuses to get someone in to clean it. I can't quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 148

Best gift ever

By Reihna - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Marion

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son could call me from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 982

You deserved it 4 274

Did she say yes at least?

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 18:00

Today, I tried to propose to my partner in a creative way, but ended up getting stuck in a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 687

Great job, Mom!

By BAintShht - 10/02/2023 16:00

Today, our dog became ill. My mom wasted no time attending her every needs and became very distressed. When I had appendicitis a few months ago, my mom told me to “sleep it off” and a friend had to take me to the hospital. She only called once to bitch at me for “doing this on purpose to make her feel bad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 104

Live from the lounge

By Jake - 10/02/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I was supposed fly from NOLA to Philly. Being a good roommate, I decided to get a noon-time flight so my roommates wouldn't need to get up early. Then I found out that they were also taking separate vacations, and leaving at 5am. Now I'm stuck in the airport till noon and I arrive in Philly at 7pm. I'm also broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 731

Dead end

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 11:59

Today, I was talking to a guy I've recently started developing feelings for. We've been talking for a while, but he revealed that he wasn't being serious with anything we've been talking about, and didn't have any feelings for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 140

It's a set up!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 01:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1 283

Karma

By ElleSavage - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 558

You deserved it 335

You deal with it

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 06:00

Today, I found out that my partner intentionally acts like she sleeps through our baby's cries in the middle of the night, just to force me to do all the late night feeds and diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 397

It's what he would've wanted

By vinvin2210 - 10/02/2023 04:00

Today, we went to disperse my father's ashes in his favorite lake. My brother was anxious to show off to his new wife, and took us to a fancy resort on the lake. He fell into the lake with my dad's ashes. Nobody laughed when he got out. Oh and as he's a stingy ass, I ended up paying for the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 131

Keywords

Awkward Weddings Miscellaneous Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument Thanksgiving Parenting Kids Covid Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money

The Top

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 685

You deserved it 52 061

Today, police questioned me on behalf of my doctor, who couldn’t believe one person could use so much insulin, so he thinks I’m selling it to bodybuilders. I really do use it all myself, I use about 6 times as much as my sister who is also diabetic, and my diet is normal. I only weigh 10.5 stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 117

The Top

Today, I found out where my stolen car was. It was all the way in Maine. I live in Ohio and I got a $300 fine for illegal parking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 600

You deserved it 2 123

Today, I asked the girl I like if she had her eye on anyone, subtly hinting that I wanted to date her. I sat there while she confessed her love for her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 000

You deserved it 6 290

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next 4 hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 964

You deserved it 3 467

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Turns out we only have one thing in common: we would both bang Hillary Clinton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 185

You deserved it 4 631

Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 924

You deserved it 10 021

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 307

You deserved it 8 339