All the FMLs

Landlords need love too

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 19:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I started my weekend right… outside my grandmother's house, trying to repair her yard. The senile landlord came by and trashed it. This isn't the first time. He's pushing 90 years-old, so it's hard to tell if he has dementia or if he's doing it on purpose. All I want to know is, why hasn't he retired? FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 60

Push through the pain barrier

By Renee Simard - 18/09/2021 23:00

Today, despite being unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time or walk farther than a few hundred feet, the doctor told me to begin doing 30 minutes of non-stop exercise everyday. He literally said, “Don’t stop for 30 minutes everyday.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 206

Serial killer vibes

By D Flower - 18/09/2021 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 115

Kitchen nightmares

By Anonymous - 19/09/2021 00:30 - Australia - Mypolonga

Today, I dropped my phone in the frying pan whilst cooking my steak. I had to rinse off the oil immediately and clean the phone, then had to eat a cold steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 1 036

Alexa, play "Fast Cars" by Buzzcocks

By I'mmessedup - 18/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Marion

Today, I wonder about my mental and emotional state as I didn't react whatsoever to a semi that started to pull out in front of my speeding Camaro. If he hadn't seen me, and stopped, I would not be alive to post this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 320

Can't filter that

By Weightlosshereicome - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Oxford

Today, Snapchat thought my double chin was a mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 724

You deserved it 4 632

Wokescolds gonna wokescold

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 11:00

Today, I was accused of digital blackface and culturally appropriating my own culture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 79

Tough choice

By SickAndTired - 18/09/2021 05:00

Today, I have an acute URI and acute bronchitis. The cough syrup works amazingly well to stop the coughing, but if I take the cough syrup it gives me insomnia. So I get to choose: do I want to spend all night coughing, or spend all night tossing and turning? FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 79

He's such a character!

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was called a judgemental bitch by my family for not letting my son back home after his release from prison, forgetting that none of them want to house him either, considering he did run me over with my car he was stealing to pay his debts to his drug dealer/prostitute provider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 76

It's a valid lifestyle!

By annoyed - 17/09/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, my friends and I were finally able to meet up for lunch, amidst all of our busy schedules. We had fun talking and catching up about marriage, kids and careers. One friend decided to cause a huge scene though, because apparently we didn’t take her being a stay at home “dog mom” seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 199

Buckethead

By hi! - 17/09/2021 14:00

Today, I called in sick for the first time. My boss said that if I didn’t show up, not only would he fire me, but he’d make sure I never find another job for the rest of my life. So I showed up to work with a bucket, puking every five minutes. My boss still made me stay the full nine hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 142

Sweet Sixteen

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 13:59 - Netherlands

Today, it's my 16th birthday. My parents forgot about it, and planned a weekend out of town. I was alone on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 97

Timing is key

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 08:04

Today, we live in a society where an Uber Eats order arrives a lot faster than the authorities. To make things worse, the Uber Eats order arrives screwed up as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 125

Great name

By ThunderTh0t - 16/09/2021 23:00 - Australia

Today, I forgot that I gave my Bluetooth speaker a ridiculous device name as a joke when I'd first got it. It's all fun and games until you're around your family and they see the device name "ScoobyDooCumMilk" and are trying to figure out whose device it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 1 164

Food for thought

By Heather Scurfield - 17/09/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom - Witney

Today, it's my birthday. Since I knew I would be spending it alone, I treated myself to a full cooked Scottish Breakfast. Just as I was plating up, I got carried away and my black pudding slipped out of my tongs and directly into my cat's litter tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 225

Creepy roommates #56

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 23:00

Today, I awoke to a strange feeling on my feet. It felt like a tongue, so at first thought it was the dog, but we don't have one. I looked down and it was my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 85

Classic

By notacreeper - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was, "Does she know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 855

You deserved it 5 411

Take it easy

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 11:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, despite my muscles being just fine, my genetic collagen deformity has caused insane amounts of pain over things like 'walking' or 'sweeping the floor'. I used to be able to hike up mountains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 88

Get with the times

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 14:00

Today, I went to mediation with 5 managers and a coworker I do not get along with. Everyone in the room was at least 20 years younger than me, and the entire meeting was them telling me to drag myself into the present century and basically do whatever the younger, "smarter" people say, or else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 380

Thanks Texas

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 10:59

Today, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: either get an abortion, or he’ll move out to go work for his brother, and good luck chasing him up for child support because his brother lives abroad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 287

Rampage

By emmalou - 16/09/2021 08:01

Today, my roommate is rampaging in the house at 1:00 a.m. because her stuff was moved out of the pantry for the new person, after being asked several times to move it herself. Apparently, she didn't see the text message heads-up, because she refuses to use her phone as a source of connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 127

Unprofessional

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a licensed child psychologist with 20 years of experience threw my son out after his first appointment, with the immortal line, “You must be taking the piss, there’s a church in town, you’re gonna need their help more than mine.” He’s probably right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 181

Father of the year

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband is so emotionally disconnected from fatherhood, he has yet to call our son by his name and instead just refers to him as 'It' or 'That' and occasionally just 'Him'. Sometimes he’ll even ignore him crying and just leave the room because the noise annoys him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 275

Science has gone too far

By Amanda - 15/09/2021 13:00 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I went in for a full hysterectomy due to medical issues. I came out being 6 weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 173

Cat litter day

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my new neighbour tried to report me as a terrorist for, "speaking terrorist language and moving bags of that explosive fertiliser." I’m Japanese, and the bags were mostly rotting vegetables and animal dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 100

Dat ass

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 11:01

Today, I got a slap because my 8 year-old stepson has such a big mouth, he couldn’t resist pointing out a nearby white woman had a "phat butt" and should "give it back to the black lady she stole it from." I blame his racist old grandad for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 201

Not such a happy ending

By JustJared - 15/09/2021 05:00

Today, I get to see my best friend and love of my life of two years marry the man she loves. Back then, I lied and told her I was gay to avoid her finding out my feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 2 015

Sorry Nana

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 19:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I skipped out on my grandmother's 70th birthday party. I'm autistic, and I have a hearing disorder that significantly enhances my hearing to a painful extent, so I couldn't tolerate how noisy it was. Now, my grandmother thinks I hate her because I put my mental health first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 269

One man and his lawn

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 16:00 - United States - Little Rock

Today, my husband, who rarely helps with big projects around the house, offered to help me with our mess of a backyard. An hour and a half into the project, and an hour and a half after he disappeared from the backyard, I found him mowing and edging the front. Our front yard was immaculate and didn't need mowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 129

The single life

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me while I'm deployed overseas. Her reason why is that she needs "to be alone to better herself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 97

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The Top

Today, my adult daughter was hospitalized for severe fever, diarrhea, and fainting. The doctor couldn't find any cause other than sleep deprivation, because I started making her wake up at 7 am. I’ve never met anyone so ridiculously weak in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 745

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. We haven't seen each other for a while so for a surprise, a few days ago, I decided to shave my pubic hair. I've come up in a huge rash that looks like some sort of infection. Not quite the sexy surprise I was hoping for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 737

You deserved it 6 899

The Top

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 519

You deserved it 11 329

Today, my family and I were going to start moving into our old house, and the large two hundred year old tree decided to move in too... through the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 555

You deserved it 208

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 733

You deserved it 2 493

Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 167

You deserved it 3 833

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 567

You deserved it 7 828

Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 397

You deserved it 7 543