All the FMLs

No soup for you

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 17:00 - Germany

Today, our canteen served soup. I have Tourette's. It would have been fine, hadn't the only free seat been across from another person with Tourette's. When two people with Tourette's meet, their tics can increase tenfold. It was a splashing match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 124

Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 380

Plans

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 02:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex asked me to take the kids for the day, which was odd as it's her weekend. My son let slip that she was getting ready for a surprise birthday party, but I wasn't supposed to know. As it's my birthday in 3 days, I was touched that she'd planned something. Turns out it's a surprise party for her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 491

Knock yourself out

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 08:00

Today, one of my workmates had threatened to destroy my car completely if I fired him for low performance. I was actually shocked, not because of the threat, but because I don't have a car of my own. I don't know how to drive, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 110

Deez Nuts

By ALittleLighter - 14/09/2021 05:00

Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 75

Wasting away

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 19:59 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I keep trying to use the Meetup app to meet people, but life keeps trolling me, and every event I even attempt to join (all virtual so far) has been met with no social interaction. It feels like life keeps hammering in the idea that I should just sit in my room and atrophy away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 127

Don't get involved

By Joe - 13/09/2021 20:00

Today, some kid on the bus kept pissing me off, making fart jokes and singing the Peppa Pig theme song on repeat. Angrily, I confronted him and asked him if he was 7. He retaliated with, "Yeah, 7 inches deep in your MOM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 978

Narcissus

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 17:00

Today, my friend isn't speaking to me since I came out to her. Not because she's a homophobe, but because she's mortally offended that I didn't confess my love in the process. Seems that everyone who's attracted to women should be attracted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 119

Not a fan

By Cheri - 13/09/2021 13:59

Today, it’s my mom’s 65th birthday celebration. I have to share a room at the resort, table and car ride with my sister, who my ex-husband left me for and got pregnant. She tries to talk to me as if nothing ever happened, and my parents bitch me out for being upset at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 116

Not cool, not at all

By dammed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 586

You deserved it 2 191

The things we do for family…

By taylor_b22 - 13/09/2021 11:01

Today, I agreed to spend the evening walking around an antique tractor show for my dad and sons, but I’m bleeding too much to stay out of the bathroom more than an hour. I’m violently ill from it, and I already have a bum knee and asthma, so I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 139

Compliments are tricky

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 08:00

Today, I told my boyfriend he's handsome, which I do often. Not everyday, but maybe once or twice a week. He got upset at me. He said it makes him feel uncomfortable. We've been together for 3 years and I still think he's the most handsome man I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 158

That's capitalism, baby!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 04:59

Today, I went to see three houses to buy. For the past year I've been trying, but investors swoop in and buy the house cash to turn around and rent it. I just want my first actual home for my family, but one of the houses I was going to put an offer on already has a cash offer on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 105

Sleep punching is a thing

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 02:00

Today, I woke up to a punch in the face. My girlfriend said it was because she dreamed that I'd bought all her friends Taco Bell but didn't bring her anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 102

Happy chicken day!

By 3monthsagostillnochkns - 12/09/2021 20:01

Today, after my kids told me they'd saved cash to buy me my dream birthday present - chickens - and after I'd worked excitedly to exhaustion for a week building a coop and chicken yard with no offered help from my husband, I'm now sitting in my empty chicken pen after everyone forgot about my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 92

Losing my bearings

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 08:00 - United States - Folsom

Today, I walked into a wall. I've lived in this house for nearly thirteen years, but I walked straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 269

How the turntables turn

By PoorAndBroke - 12/09/2021 14:01

Today, I went to see a house for rent. The owner ended up being a person whom I denied renting to a long time ago, because I thought she was sketchy looking. Apparently she’s the CEO of a company now. She definitely recognized me and kicked me off the premises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 1 406

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 11:00

Today, and since being diagnosed with bowel cancer, I realised I’ve been unintentionally limiting the places I go to, like shops and restaurants, based solely on the quality of their toilet paper. Not really complaining, I just thought it was kinda funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 133

Sounds like an old joke, but unfortunately…

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 08:00

Today, I opened my mail and mistook it for my bank statement. It was my hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 133

Modern warfare

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 22:59 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, as I enjoyed my peaceful evening, I realized that my redneck neighbors had gone into the hills to shoot machine guns. How the almighty f**k did they get MACHINE GUNS? FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 197

Rookie mistake

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 19:00 - United States - Steele

Today, after almost a week of my cursor randomly freezing, I'd had enough and was about ready to go out and get a new computer mouse. It wasn't until just now that I realized nothing was wrong with my mouse. It was running on fumes because I forgot to replace the battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 1 030

Explain yourself

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 20:00

Today, my truck got towed after being parked for ten minutes, even though wasn't in a no parking area. Now I have to pay 500 dollars to get it out of impound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 130

More reasons to stay at home

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my local pub has now closed so now the only bar within staggering distance of my house is an entertainment centre. So now, if I want to drink myself blotto, I can no longer do it in peace and quiet, I have to do it to the background noise of some cartoon monkey and 100 rotten kids screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 1 148

I'M ALSO HERE

By Steiner - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Troy

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 825

You deserved it 3 510

Banana bread?

By Sarah - 11/09/2021 05:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I ordered 3 bananas on Instacart, but actually received 3 overripe bunches of bananas. I don’t know what to do with 18 bananas before they all rot by tomorrow night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 219

Wait til she finds out about seatbelts!

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 05:00 - Canada

Today, I hate the government for starting talking about vaccine passports and mandating the Covid-19 vaccine, because I almost had my wife convinced to go get it, and now she's all, "I'm not doing something they are telling me I have to do. I'm not a sheep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 363

Team none of them

By twihard - 10/09/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, I lost a bet with friends and now have to sit and watch all the Twilight movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 923

Look who's talking

By Anonymous - 10/09/2021 18:01 - Canada - Nepean

Today, my ex asked me to help her with a payment for a loan she had to pay, which she'd forgot she had to pay. I told her I needed to go to bank, and was busy at the moment. She told me that I needed to be more organized in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 168

Ball and chain

By Anonymous - 10/09/2021 20:01

Today, my parents tricked me by claiming we were going on holiday, but stopped at grandma"s first, "just to say hi", then left me there with my bags. They dumped me with grandma and went on holiday without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 159

Marriage benefits

By Anonymous - 10/09/2021 17:00

Today, my husband told me he’s gay, has a boyfriend and will be living with him, but he wants to stay married because it has good tax benefits, plus our joint mortgage, and if he comes out to his father he’ll be cut from the will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 114

Keywords

Family Health Argument Thanksgiving Politics Frustration Sex Intimacy Miscellaneous Love AITA Awkward First Dates Road rage Transportation Cars Dogs Animals Cute Am I overreacting? Alcohol Relatable Food Holidays Contraception Cheating Suspicious Poopoo peepee Kids Gross

The Top

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 856

You deserved it 1 042

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 849

You deserved it 7 486

The Top

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 561

You deserved it 3 335

Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web form in order to show that I wasn't a spam robot. I got it wrong. I'm officially too bad at arithmetic to prove I'm human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 372

You deserved it 8 328

Today, I was walking with my very attractive friend who I like a lot. She then told me that her roomate wouldn't be home tonight, and if I wanted, I could come over and study history. I didn't get it. I told her no thanks, that I was covered, and it was chem I needed to study. An hour later, I understood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 823

You deserved it 76 629

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 243

You deserved it 1 505

Today, at work, I did my morning constitutional and the automatic toilet died and wouldn't flush. I had to tell my boss, since there's only two toilets in the ladies' bathroom. So it's pretty obvious who dropped the duce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 170

Today, for my birthday, my mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay for my braces. I've been very self-conscious about my teeth for years. Everyone applauded and told me how happy they were for me. Later, my mom asked me for the check back. Apparently it was just meant to make her look good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 319

You deserved it 2 827