All the FMLs

Gross dude

By summer - 26/03/2021 21:30

Today, I had to beg my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This is a basic weekly argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 328

Catch 22

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 104

Batshit

By fuck your indoctrination - 26/03/2021 09:01 - United States

Today, my cousin died of a very treatable illness. She was pressured into herbal and holistic "faith healing" instead of seeking "poisonous western filth". Her husband, church and family all seem to think she made the right choice. I’ve been shunned for disagreeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 100

Parent-sanctioned violence

By Momma - 26/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 1 109

Stuck

By Lexxxiii - 26/03/2021 11:01

Today, my friend informed me that I’m not moving in with him anymore that his sister is taking my place. Unfortunately, I'd finally gathered the money and a car to move out of state with him. Just when I thought I was going to get away from this hellhole, I’m sinking further into never leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 92

OK Shaggy

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 03:01 - United States - Randolph

Today, I was pumping gas at a gas station. An attractive woman walked by and the guy pumping gas behind me did a whistle/catcall to her. She then looked at me and gave me a disgusted look. I didn't even try to hit on a girl, and still got rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 116

Wake up bark

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 05:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom taught her dog not to jump onto her bed without "asking". The dog figured that barking would be a good way to ask, and mostly feels the need to do that around 4 a.m. My room is right next to my mom’s, and I already have trouble sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 71

Some friend

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 02:02

Today, I got fired from my job after I wouldn’t lend my friend $1000. How? She retaliated by taking time out of her hands to compile screenshots of all my Facebook posts about talking shit about my boss and coworkers and e-mailing them to our corporate e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 1 535

Alexa, play "Dream baby Dream" by Suicide

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 18:01 - Australia

Today, I awoke from a bizarre dream where I, a man, was pregnant. If that wasn’t weird enough, when I gave birth, it was a pug puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 140

Loud and clear

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 21:30

Today, I found out that my husband wants to leave me. I got the message loud and clear when his girlfriend forwarded me screenshots of all their texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 99

Stuck

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 20:01

Today, my grandma and her neighbor compared their sports bras in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 120

Shiny shiny

By me! - 25/03/2021 17:01

Today, my 8-year-old daughter came home from school, saying she had gotten engaged and was wearing a ring. It looked real. Later that night, I got a call saying that their son had given my daughter his grandma's engagement ring. My daughter actually said no to the engagement, but still took the ring, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 183

Butterfingers

By dumbbitch - 25/03/2021 09:34

Today, I gave myself burns on my inner thigh by dropping my curling iron. Instead of a cute date at a restaurant, I had a date with the doctors in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 192

heeeeyitsbrittney tells us more.

heeeeyitsbrittney 12

Thursday 25 March 2021 9:20

Op here! Unfortunately I was using a brand new curling iron that had changeable barrels. The barrel wasn’t snapped into place completely, so while I was curling my hair the barrel fell off and onto my leg. Because it fell off the handle I couldn’t pick it up so I had to swat it off of my leg. Unfortunately because it sat a little longer than it should of (the temp on it was 450 Fahrenheit) it caused two 3rd degree burns on my upper thigh. Because of the severity of the burn and the fact it was already blistering and cracking I had to make a trip to the ER. Thankfully it won’t scar but the road to recovery will be interesting and I definitely learned a couple lessons.

Cujo, but for cats

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 08:01

Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 301

Late bloomer

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 05:01

Today, I'm nearly 30 years-old, and not only am I still a virgin, I've never even had my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 178

You mug

By IHateMyLife - 25/03/2021 02:01 - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, it should have been my day off from work because I did a lot of night shifts. At 6 a.m., my boss called told me that my day off was canceled, because a coworker is ill. Now I'm sitting here on a night shift with a pinched nerve in my shoulder and a lot of pain, just because I stretched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 79

Tears for Fears

By Mike - 25/03/2021 00:30

Today, I realized that not only do I dream about sleeping or passing out, but that those are the best ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 99

Slot machine addicts

By Hospoh8r - 24/03/2021 18:01 - New Zealand

Today, I'm working in hospitality. I was serving a customer when another customer came up to cash in from the pokies. I told them I'd be there in a minute, and they said OK. By the time I got to them, they were complaining to my boss. Guess whose side was taken? FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 83

Overreaction much?

By brokenglass - 24/03/2021 21:30

Today, while bringing my grandmother some water, I tripped, dropping and shattering the glass. Infuriated, she explained to me that the glass was worth more than I am and ordered me out of her house for good. I live there. I was also with her when she bought the glass. $10 for a set of 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 81

Our house, is a very very very fine house

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 17:00

Today, my housemate, who never cleans, cooked tacos, then left her dishes for the rest of the evening. When shown a bowl of murky water in the sink, she denied it was hers, prompting my vegetarian housemate to clean it. Putting her hand in the bowl, she found a lump of raw taco meat. Yum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 166

So many questions

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 13:59

Today, I work at the DMV. My ex-husband’s sister came in for a last name change. When I looked at the marriage license and her other documents, it was revealed that she was never his sister. My ex-husband is now her husband. Now I understand why they always spent time alone together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 126

Masterchef

By WhatHaveIDone - 24/03/2021 11:01

Today, my daughter tried to make pasta by putting a pot on the stove, pouring the noodles in without adding water, and turning on the stove. Then she asked me, "How come these aren’t getting soft like when you make them?" She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 712

Nice guy

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 04:00 - Canada - Baddeck

Today, while working a night shift completely alone at a truck stop, a trucker asked me to get in the shower with him for a "funner night shift", and threw his towels and clothes at me when I told him no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 65

Likely story

By thenerd - 24/03/2021 02:00

Today, I was doing an online live exam with the camera on when the power suddenly went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 70

Barfed out

By superbubbles - 23/03/2021 21:30 - Canada

Today, I threw up in bio when we dissected cow hearts. Guess that rules out my childhood passion as a possible career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 145

Congrats?

By KortniiE - 23/03/2021 20:01

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years proposed without a ring. He told me he would get it once his divorce papers are final. I didn't know he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 147

Useless

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 17:01 - Luxembourg

Today, I was forced to write a job application letter that boils down to, "I can't do this job, please don't hire me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 239

Desperate

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 14:01 - Luxembourg - Luxembourg

Today, I tried to find a job. Again. It's been seven years since I earned more than 70€ in a month, seven years since I moved back in with my parents, and seven years since I was registered as having a medical disability. Nobody wants me, not even as a shelf stacker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 125

Legend

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 05:59 - United States

Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 165

Nice neighborhood

By Rebecca c - 23/03/2021 08:01

Today, I had to clean up human poop that someone trailed through the store. Then, as I was cleaning up all the shelves at the end of the day, I saw that someone had changed their sanitary pad, took a new one out of the packed and used it, then left the used one on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 78

Keywords

Thanksgiving Politics Health Family Argument Intimacy Sex Frustration Miscellaneous Love AITA Awkward First Dates Cars Road rage Transportation Animals Dogs Cute Am I overreacting? Alcohol Relatable Food Holidays Contraception Suspicious Cheating Gross Kids Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 635

You deserved it 8 428

Today, I found out that my grandson is actually my stepson, my son is his half-brother, and my soon to be ex-husband impregnated our son’s wife, who’s a third his age. Yet somehow my slimy ex is the victim in all this because our son beat him to a bloody pulp while I did nothing to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 111

The Top

Today, I found out that my husband told his mom that she can move in with us once his time in the army is over. We are moving into my house, and he didn't think it was important to run it by me first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 683

You deserved it 3 284

Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 328

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me while I'm deployed overseas. Her reason why is that she needs "to be alone to better herself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 97

Today, my brother and I moved out of an apartment into a new one. We both have ADD. Whatever you now imagine what that went like, yes, it exactly went like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 196

Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 200

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 4 120