All the FMLs

Just to clarify it was my nephew who broke his arm. After it happened we asked my cousin to leave and my brother took my nephew to the hospital. The rest of the ceremony went as planned and my brother and nephew made it back in time for the reception. My cousin doesn't usually drink so it was a surprise when he showed up drunk but he has apologized and everything has been smoothed over.

By AnnoyedByFriends - 08/08/2013 04:43

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 728

You deserved it 9 701

By NextAmericanIdol? - 08/08/2013 04:09 - United States - Bowie

Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings her a lullaby before she puts her to sleep, so I did too. After I finished the song, my sister looked me dead in the eyes and said, "This is why I tell people we aren't related." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 763

You deserved it 5 609

By hardee fucking har yourself, sir - 07/08/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 596

You deserved it 4 048

By wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe - 07/08/2013 20:55 - Sweden

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 079

You deserved it 5 692

By shampoomice - 07/08/2013 16:34 - United States - La Porte

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 860

You deserved it 5 429

By Anonymous - 07/08/2013 15:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 904

You deserved it 7 767

By Bethany - 07/08/2013 14:26 - United States

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 269

You deserved it 4 385

By noiguessitsbroken :( - 07/08/2013 12:24 - Lithuania - Kaunas

Today, I asked my mum why she never had any children after me. She scoffed and asked if I've looked in a mirror lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 711

You deserved it 4 837

Come again?

By Anonymous - 07/08/2013 10:49 - Australia - Redfern

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 237

You deserved it 4 310

By FuckYouMotherNature - 07/08/2013 06:51 - United States - Merced

Today, I realized I'm getting my period pretty soon. How? I started crying and throwing plates because I thought we were out of sweet bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 321

You deserved it 17 698

By ImNotFat - 07/08/2013 06:04 - United States - Havertown

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 841

You deserved it 15 525

By Blood on my hands - 07/08/2013 05:40 - United States

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 164

You deserved it 25 750

By why me?? - 07/08/2013 04:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 077

You deserved it 59 663

By pong - 06/08/2013 21:59 - France - Toulouse

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 011

You deserved it 4 070

By Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard - 06/08/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 332

You deserved it 4 857

By (._. ) - 06/08/2013 20:35 - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 768

You deserved it 5 129

Cute

By benjo - 06/08/2013 18:07 - United States

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year-olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 055

You deserved it 4 843

Funny guy

By stillembarrassed - 06/08/2013 17:01 - United Kingdom

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 430

You deserved it 6 688

By Eodowoiono - 06/08/2013 16:20 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, as a joke, my friend put my bus money in the vending machine. Not only did the machine not return my money, it wouldn't give me an item in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 317

You deserved it 4 599

By GirlfriendsAreBadForYourBack - 06/08/2013 16:01 - United States - Lynbrook

Today, I was feeling down because I always think that I'm overweight. My boyfriend tried to prove me wrong by lifting me up. I threw his back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 832

You deserved it 9 939

By Anonymous - 06/08/2013 15:19 - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 649

You deserved it 15 912

Keywords

Annoying Family Pregnancy Kids Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Airport Love Birthday Introverts Make up Proposal Weird AITA Hobbies Games Relatable Grandparents Thief Health Ironic Mental health Suspicious Photography Noise Neighbours Racism Weddings Drunk

The Top

Today, I pulled up to a party/house rave. I was told there were a decent amount of women there. I guess they'd all left by the time I arrived. The only girl I saw there was my ex-girlfriend, who left me without a trace last month, dancing with a bunch of guys who were all physically way bigger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 148

Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 864

You deserved it 8 638

The Top

Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 051

You deserved it 1 459

Today, I was texting with my childhood crush late at night and we were exchanging secrets. I figured this was as good a time as any to tell her about my long-standing crush on her. Turns out she's a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 763

You deserved it 355

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 691

You deserved it 2 824

Today, I was talking to my fellow coworker about how nervous I was about sleeping with this guy I really liked. She's been constantly giving me advice about him for months, but today she said "Oh don't worry, he isn't that good in bed anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 157

You deserved it 3 335

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 602

You deserved it 6 768

Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 258