Awkward

Think before you move

By Anonymous - 29/12/2023 23:00 - United States - Waverly

Today, after I moved across country to move in with my best friend, she decided to move in with her boyfriend a month into me being here. I don't know anyone here. She hasn't been home in 4 months and recently any time we've made plans, she stands me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 165

Breakups are hard

By majestic09 - 29/12/2023 08:00 - United States - Round Rock

Today, and for the last three months, I’ve felt super incompatible with my therapist, but I don’t know how to fire her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 429

Business tip

By Anonymous - 28/12/2023 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found a necklace on Marketplace identical to one my wife lost years ago, so I agreed on a price and drove over to get it for Christmas. There was no necklace and I now know that prostitutes will pretend to sell an item they’re photographed wearing, when in fact they are selling themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 144

Let's get it on

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother-in-law berated me for not being pregnant yet, so I yelled at her that since she guilted us into letting her move into our house, she never goes out, our bedrooms share a wall, and she has the hearing of a bat, none of which helps me or my husband have any sexy time. It’s been 4 months FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 206

Dishes, now!

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 06:00 - Netherlands

Today, I went out to eat with a friend. I was supposed to be paying, but when I tried to, there wasn't enough money in my bank account. She didn't have money with her either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 715

Perfect!

By BahHumbug - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Painesville

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 341

You deserved it 8 163

Confession

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 00:00 - Switzerland

Today, my wife confessed that she'd always assumed our kids would have her good looks and my talents. Unfortunately, according to her, our daughters take after my mum and are, "let's face it", in no way gifted. Poor kids and… FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 139

Age of approval

By henry - 23/12/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, the 18-now-19 year-old girl who originally lead me on, ended things, then made a show of our four year age difference to the people she knew is now happily dating a 27 year-old. Her parents approve. I’m now known as a creep and lost many friends over this, but she just gets to move on? FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 267

Lower your expectations

By AchievementUnlocked? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 743

You deserved it 6 650

Believe in your dreams

By ZAS - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year-old boy asked me, "What do you do when you really want something?" I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 167

You deserved it 6 382

How could you?

By Anonymous - 21/12/2023 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife is mad at me because she’s had to stop seeing her closest friend because of me. Why? Because her friend is stalking me, keeps asking me to divorce my wife, and has even broken in and stolen my stuff, forcing me to involve the police several times, and somehow this is all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 92

The no-no word

By Anonymous - 21/12/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our three year-old, who we thought was in bed, was actually on the stairs over our shoulders while we watched a black comedian. Guess which new and exciting bad word he keeps saying that is sure to piss black people off. Yep, that word. We can’t go out in public anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 261

Just Slytherin

By GrLifeusx - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I'd forgotten my phone, I tried to hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 199

You deserved it 58 870

Winning

By Winter break - 20/12/2023 02:00 - United States

Today, It's been two years since I graduated from high school. The people in my grade excluded me from social activities and wouldn't talk to me. I dropped out of college when the same trends ensued and people treated me the same. For now, at 20, I serve drive-thru to people who bullied me, on their way to party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 305

Interested parties

By Anonymous - 20/12/2023 00:00 - Canada - Mont-Saint-Hilaire

Today, one of my guy friends, who I’m not interested in romantically, asked me out on a date. This is the third time a "friend" has asked me out on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 522

Bad vibes

By Anonymous - 19/12/2023 12:00 - Switzerland - Riehen

Today, the evening phone conversations with my boyfriend, after I finished all my tasks, used to be the one thing I would be looking forward to all day. It would keep me going. Now, they feel like one more task, one more box to check before I can truly relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 218

Van life

By big mouth - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Northland

Today, at work, I saw a van in our car park with "Hurlz Wagon" painted on its side. Laughing, I told the customer who owned it that I loved the name, and I asked was there a funny vomit story behind it. She didn't laugh, and told me it was her family name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 351

You deserved it 9 434

Time for a beer

By Nope - 17/12/2023 14:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried making homemade bread, just for fun. My girlfriend started yelling that we had perfectly good bread from the store, "but noooo, my boyfriend just HAS to make his own bread!" She ended up ruining the experience, so I just threw the dough in the garbage and went to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 182

Red flag

By Anonymous - 17/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, I want a baby, but suddenly my partner says he doesn't want any kids because he already has a child. With another woman. He's not been part of the mother's or child's life in over 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 275

But… why?

By Anonymous - 16/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my relationship of over a decade ended very badly and suddenly. He asked for one last favor and I agreed… before realizing it meant I had to go to the church where we'd always planned to marry. Thanks for the final stake to the heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 185

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 16/12/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, my long-term relationship of over a decade ended very badly. We didn't speak nor look at each other while I was dropping his stuff off. Of course, my car battery died, and I had to ask him for help and had to see his parents. His dad couldn't get the hood open for about ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 122

U wot m8?

By _Asykes_ - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 092

You deserved it 2 495

Join the club

By Anonymous - 15/12/2023 17:00 - United States - Uvalde

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend. About 30 minutes into dinner and I see my exes come in, one by one. In the end, they were all sitting at the same table. My boyfriend got up and went to the bathroom. He came back and sat down with them. Apparently my boyfriend went through my phone and called all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 221

Hangry

By Prodigy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I ran into a former college classmate at Subway. He gushed on and on about how I was the only one in our class with true potential. Then I asked him what kind of sandwich he wanted, because 3 years out of college, Subway is still the only place that will hire a music major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 720

You deserved it 8 162

Clogged

By ISmellBread - 15/12/2023 05:00 - United States - Cabot

Today, I was quickly eating lunch during a work meeting. I ended up inhaling some of my sandwich so I've had toast stuck in my sinuses for the last hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 254

Deez nuts

By needtoscratch - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 388

You deserved it 1 845

In training

By Anonymous - 13/12/2023 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 191

Risky Google search

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 22:00 - Malaysia - Kajang

Today, I discovered a cool song called, "I Don't Wanna Die" by a Korean band, VINCIT. Wanting to find out more about it, I googled its title. Instead of relevant results, I got the phone number to a suicide prevention hotline. To make things worse, now all my social media are filled with ads about suicide prevention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 200

Welcome!

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I moved into my first house and realised pretty quick that my estate agent lied to me about how great this neighbourhood was. I was in the house for 30 minutes when I heard the neighbours having a screaming domestic in their garden, then a brick flew over the fence and broke my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 124

Have we met before?

By Anonymous - 11/12/2023 20:00 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be my cousin's ex. Awkward doesn't even begin to describe it. We spent the entire dinner avoiding eye contact and pretending not to know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 155

Keywords

Awkward Smells Love Miscellaneous Embarrassing Health Painful Animals Cats First Dates Christmas Work Social Media Music Grieving Anniversary Boredom Abuse Ironic Intimacy Am I overreacting? Alcohol Drunk AITA Transportation Parents Gun control Kids Language Noise

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 3 968

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 084

You deserved it 410

The Top

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 526

You deserved it 22 457

Today, I asked my manager where the clearly-foreign customers were from. She said she didn't know, but she thought they were from ISIS. She wasn't trying to be funny, she thought ISIS was a country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 863

You deserved it 981

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 122

You deserved it 4 989

Today, I finished up a week of this new "Liquid Foods" diet I learned about from a friend. After a week of denying myself of my favorite foods and eating only non-fat yoghurt and smoothies, I have not only gained 2 pounds, but have diarrhea. Just in time for my anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 427

You deserved it 31 763

Today, after 4 years of nicely asking, I wrote an official memo to our logistics department, asking for new chairs for my subordinates. The logistics people came and concluded that there are more broken chairs than good ones, but suggested that perhaps we should all go on a diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 989

You deserved it 3 053

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 587

You deserved it 31 059