Awkward

Stuck on amber

By Jaled - 11/12/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with a guy I have a bit of a crush on. Trying to break the awkward silence, I made a joke about our situation, saying, "Well, at least we're not on a desert island." He replied, "Yeah, but I'd still prefer the island; at least then I could escape." FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 142

Revenge

By GoodGuy,BadBoss - 10/12/2023 08:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I interviewed my first person ever for the store I’m opening. She was not a good fit and I told her so. She took it really personally. She later sent several nudes to my personal cell, “to say thank you.” My wife saw them immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 135

Cool new look

By Anonymous - 10/12/2023 09:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I decided to try a new hair removal cream. Turns out, I'm allergic to it. My face now looks like a tomato with eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 141

Joe Smooth

By Anonymous - 09/12/2023 18:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I thought I was being smooth by using a pickup line on a cute barista. I confidently said, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." She replied, "Actually, I'm a barista, and everyone else is waiting for their coffee. Next!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 1 151

I'm watching you

By tappedants - 08/12/2023 23:00 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, my husband has a biker chick Facebook friend and this morning he posted on her page, calling her "the prettiest girl at the barn dance." She's a "friend" of mine as well, so I saw it in my feed. I asked him WTH? He got mad at me, accused me of spying on him, and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 130

Alexa, play "Can't Stand Me Now" by The Libertines

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, after weeks of slaving away, I finally wrapped up the last house project on the backlog. I decided to take a day to relax around the house in celebration. My wife spent all day following me around, moaning that I never go anywhere, and that she never gets any space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 110

Welcome back

By pixie_pix13 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store, I threw my hands up and yelled, "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 3 430

Date night

By So much for a friendship - 08/12/2023 13:00 - Israel

Today, I'm in hospital after a bad accident. An old friend of mine came to my ward, looked around, and asked if I needed any help. I asked him to stay and talk a bit, because we haven't seen each other since his wedding. He said, "Nah bro, I gotta go, or my wife will kill me. We're planning a sex night, by the way", and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 181

You talking to me?

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 01:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was on the train and a woman approached me from behind and told me that if I didn’t stop staring at her, she’d kill me slowly and painfully, then she pulled out a switchblade to support her argument. I wasn’t looking at her at all and was in fact looking in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 87

Content warning

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 00:00 - Germany

Today, I was working from home and had an important meeting with my superiors. It was fine until my sleepy wife came in and asked if I could find a better time for calls. I didn't notice her right away and failed to disable my camera. She was fully naked, and I received an email about inappropriate behaviour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 179

Throw them into a volcano

By stinkstinkman - 07/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I failed to notice a nice ripe pile of dog poop on my front yard until I got to work. I tried to clean my shoe off with alcohol wipes in the bathroom. Not only did it barely work, the wipes are non-flushable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 165

The golden rule of WhatsApp

By Atmaj - 07/12/2023 02:30 - India - Pune

Today, we got a notification about a test in my official college group. I decided to bitch about it with my friends in our group… Unfortunately, I didn't realise I'd actually said all of it in the official college group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 793

Suspicious activity

By Anonymous - 06/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was working on entering a lot of information in the system. When I'd finished, I closed the screen to move on to the next steps, my boss came by to see how I was doing, just in time to see me looking at a now-blank screen. I'm convinced that my boss thinks I closed a screen that wasn't work related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 125

Foam my life

By Jennie - 05/12/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I discovered the office coffee machine had been replaced with a complex espresso maker. I'm so introverted that instead of asking for help, I spent the day googling how to operate it, all to end up with a cup of lukewarm frothed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 491

Quick turnover

By Anonymous - 05/12/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, after meeting the love of my life two weeks ago and moving him in to start our life together, my kids have run off to live with their dads. Apparently they are “not dealing with another new dad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 2 168

Iconic

By Anonymous - 05/12/2023 06:00

Today, I went to a party that had a "dress like rock stars" theme. I got all the gear necessary to dress as Ozzy Osbourne. A wig, round sunglasses, a crucifix on beads, the usual stuff. Not one person at the party knew who Ozzy Osbourne was. Nor Black Sabbath for that matter. Someone thought I was Meatloaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 131

It's sus to us

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 436

You deserved it 4 496

Technically…

By I followed her orders! - 04/12/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 477

Thoughts and prayers

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 18:00 - United States - Dillingham

Today, I don't know what to do to be a good husband. In my wife's eyes, I can’t do anything right. I asked to have more quality time with her but she would rather play video games than spending time with me. I don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 119

Tense

By Lucia - 03/12/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I found out my husband and I are banned from family gatherings, all because he was my sister’s ex-husband. They need to come to terms with #1, that was 2 years ago; #2 we’re obviously a better fit for one another. If he was "the One", he’d still be hers; #3 you can’t force someone to love you when they don’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 2 139

A pin drop

By Kerry - 03/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I received a "Reply All" email from a colleague, in which they vented their frustration with our boss. Unbeknownst to them, our boss was included in the distribution list. Our whole open plan office became a silent comedy of awkward glances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 112

Doggy dog world

By Simon E - 03/12/2023 10:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I was in a Teams call with my work team, and I was getting really annoyed at a woman in the team just waffling on about nothing, I yelled, "Just shut up you fat pig, shut up!", not knowing my mic was unmuted, I had to lie, saying I was yelling at my dog for barking. Not sure anyone believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 1 050

Trip of a lifetime

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, on the last day of our vacation with my boyfriend's family, I'm crying alone under a tree because he refuses to talk to me because I got mad he didn't want to do anything with me, but did those same things with his family. He went out of his way to do all the things I wanted to do, but without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 190

Charming

By Anonymous - 02/12/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a girl I met on Tinder described herself as curvy and sent me pictures. We agreed to meet and let me say… those pictures were at least 10 years and 15 stone ago. She was no longer curvy or even just overweight, she was grossly obese. I could smell the unwashed skin under her fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 143

Stank face

By Tour guide for a day - 02/12/2023 04:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I attended a virtual meeting. When I went to grab a coffee during a break, for some reason took my laptop with me, got distracted by my cat taking a stinky dump, so my coworkers got an unplanned tour of his litter box while I scooped it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 579

Impeccable timing

By drugs - 01/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I came home, raced upstairs, and yelled to my roomie that I'd found some blow for the party tonight. It was only after he left his room and punched me that I remembered he had a virtual interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 1 175

Take a chill pill

By Anonymous - 01/12/2023 09:00

Today, my smartwatch decided I needed a "stress level" alert during a perfectly calm meeting. It vibrated aggressively, and my boss suggested I take up yoga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 150

Can't get any lower

By McNuggetsMcQueen - 30/11/2023 18:00 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, I attended my mom's funeral, who was the only person who ever truly supported me. During the funeral, the cemetery representative told me he was sure the hole was dug to specification, while at the same moment the casket got caught on the ground and tipped, dropping her 6ft down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 105

What was I thinking?

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 10:00 - United States - Okemos

Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 722

Fake news!

By Anon - 28/11/2023 14:00 - Canada

Today, after I tried to plan a surprise party for my friend, and a series of miscommunications and accidental reveals, it turned it into a surprise party for myself. I walked into a room filled with people shouting, "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 194

Keywords

Gross Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Awkward Smells Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Social Media Music Grieving Anniversary Boredom Abuse Ironic Intimacy Am I overreacting? Alcohol Drunk AITA Transportation Parents Gun control Kids

The Top

Today, I noticed I spend most of my day translating French, German, and other languages for my boss, as he talks to people overseas. As his assistant I make crap money. If I were promoted to a Translator I’d make a lot more. He won’t promote me. In fact he threatened to fire me if I asked again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 113

Today, I found out that my sister is one of those people who thought that "Obamacare" and "The Affordable Care Act" were two different things, and now my niece's health is no longer going to be covered due to upcoming cutbacks. Guess who my sister voted for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 144

The Top

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 218

You deserved it 454

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom, but she decided I was “unsuitable.” I hoped he’d be on my side. Nope, he just accepted her word as law, broke up with me, and pushed me outside. He'd driven me there, so I had to find a bus in a city I’ve never been to, in the dark, without a coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 121

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 400

You deserved it 43 071

Today, I finally came out to my dad, who is a priest, as gay. He responded by splashing me with holy water to "banish the demon within" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 678

You deserved it 824

Today, my new $100 electronic cigarette came in the mail. I was so excited to try it out, I used it on the drive to work. The people who sold it to me weren't kidding when they said it looked and felt real. I threw it out the window when I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 507

You deserved it 64 291

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 348

You deserved it 8 696