First Dates

Confidence

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 16:00

Today, the first word out of my date's mouth was, “So, how much money do you make?” That was it. No hi, how are you, or what do you do for fun, or do you prefer cats or dogs, just straight to, “How much money do you make?” Gold-digging timewaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 108

Not cool, dude

By Jabba - 07/11/2023 14:00

Today, I met my Bumble date. I was so excited because it’s my first date in 6 years. We exchanged hellos and he said he needed to use the restroom. Turns out he left. When I messaged him to ask what happened, he told me, “I agreed to go on a date with the hot girl in the photos, not a contestant from 'My 600lb Life'.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 834

Interruption

By Freddie06 - 18/10/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a first date, and it was going surprisingly well. As we were saying goodbye, I leaned in for a kiss. Just as our lips were about to meet, a car full of teenagers drove by and one of them yelled, "TONGUE SANDWICH." My date burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 149

The pros and cons of dating

By Fun but pointless date - 28/08/2023 20:00

Today, I went on a blind date. It turned out that the person who I was set up with was my ex's sibling. We spent the whole evening talking about how terrible my ex is. I'm still single, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 138

Run away time

By kittyfiddlernono - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 625

You deserved it 4 449

Kinda is

By Anonymous - 17/07/2023 18:00

Today, my blind date got up and left the table before our food had even arrived, saying he wasn't going to bother with me. Apparently bringing my own bottle of ranch for dipping is "weird" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 2 777

The hell that is dating

By Laura - 15/07/2023 15:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He told me his wife had filed for divorce this morning (I had no idea he had ever been married) and then he sent me the e-receipt for my nachos along with his Venmo handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 142

Classic blunder

By Jake404 - 10/07/2023 00:02 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up at a coffee shop. I arrived early, feeling nervous but excited. As I sat waiting, I noticed a person waving at me from across the room. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that they were actually waving at someone behind me. My date never showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 123

Joe Smooth

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Hebron

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 299

You deserved it 16 644

Classic move

By rejecteddd - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. Right after I arrived there, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 553

You deserved it 5 194

Joe Smooth

By riiiight - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Warren

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 065

You deserved it 5 931

Classic fraud

By Anonymous - 28/04/2023 15:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to online for weeks. When I showed up, he looked nothing like his profile picture, and he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 160

Is this catfishing?

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 201

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 154

Great start

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who kept checking his phone every five minutes. When I asked him if everything was okay, he told me he was just playing Candy Crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 105

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 171

First and last date

By Xyanthe - 18/03/2023 00:00

Today, my date was making remarks about “stupid illegals” and “immigrants are everything wrong with this country” because our waiter barely spoke English and apparently got his order wrong. When I reminded him I’m an immigrant, he said, “But you speak English and you’re legal, so you don’t count.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 264

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 08/03/2023 20:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only I had already been on a date with the guy before, we'd also had both forgotten about it until halfway through the dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 246

Adelaide?

By Anonymous - 14/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was stood up at a cafe named “Commitment Issues”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 153

Return to sender

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 04:00 - Germany - Ingolstadt

Today, I pulled a prank on my friend by making a fake Tinder profile just to catfish him. All our friends came to make fun of him, only to realise that he'd stood me up. Turns out, never showing for first dates is his way of playing hard to get. Now everyone is laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 1 760

Tedious

By Anonymous - 09/02/2023 04:00 - United States - Boiling Springs

Today, I realized that I’m so used to be stood up or ghosted for dates that I don’t even bother getting ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 154

Impressive, dude

By Anonymous - 06/02/2023 15:00

Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 1 965

Hyper self-awareness

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 23:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on a first date and everything was going great, until I realized I had garlic breath from the garlic bread I ate earlier. I tried covering it with a mouthful of wine, but it just made it worse. I ended up trying to avoid any closeness, and now I guess I'll just die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 474

Hunbot on the loose

By Cardy - 26/01/2023 11:30

Today, I had a blind date with someone a friend said would be a "perfect match" with me. Instead, that "perfect match" tried to get me to sign up to their scammy food supplement MLM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 97

She's a keeper

By Anonymous - 17/01/2023 04:00

Today, I had a Tinder date with a girl who lied about her age; she was 22 but had told me she was 37. She used the word “like” seven times in the same sentence and and announced she expected me to pay her entire bill. I just walked away, so she threw a waiter's tray at the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 256

He's a keeper

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 15:00

Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 126

Tonight, on First Dates…

By singleloseragain - 15/12/2022 12:00

Today, I had my first date with a cute older guy. What started as a perfect night ended in tears when we ran into my mom at the drugstore while he was buying us beer and condoms. She gave him a verbal lashing of a lifetime and told him my real age, 17. I'd told him I was 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 4 204

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 27/11/2022 06:00

Today, I’ve had a blocked nose for weeks, so when I sneezed I partially dislodged a massive solid booger. It was so big and thick, I had to grab it and pull it the rest of the way out. I was on a first date at the time, and he left before I got back from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 204

Cheap

By Nator - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a 2-for-1 coupon. It was expired. I paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 759

You deserved it 5 266

Unlucky in love

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 10:00 - United States - Martinsburg

Today, it was supposed to be my first date with a girl I've been speaking to for three months. Last night, she revealed that she's still married, that her husband is "not so bad", and then confessed it all to him and blocked me. It was gonna be my first date in six years, after the last one stalked me across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 152

Keywords

AITA Awkward First Dates Love Animals Dogs Cute Alcohol Am I overreacting? Food Health Relatable Thanksgiving Politics Holidays Miscellaneous Family Transportation Cars Intimacy Sex Contraception Suspicious Cheating Kids Poopoo peepee Gross Accident Gifts Birthday

The Top

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 856

You deserved it 4 565

Today, I went to work 8:30 am. Human stayed home. Got home at 5pm. Human is working on his music at home. It is 7:11 pm and Human is still on his computer working on the same song, on replay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 346

The Top

Today, my job application for McDonald's was rejected. This is the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 769

You deserved it 13 742

Today, a guy tried a pick-up line on me and followed me into a nearby mall. He left me after 10 minutes, but later sent me a request on Instagram. I never gave him my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 855

You deserved it 259

Today, my mom told she was robbed once, 40+ years ago. My mom is 51, so I was wondering what kind of monster would steal from a child. I then realized after almost an entire minute that it was a joke about my uncle, named Robert, who was born at that specified time. It would seem that I've been "robbed" of a brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 285

Today, my son decided to run around a supermarket in his underwear, leaving me to chase after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 258

Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 917

You deserved it 1 424

Today, I had to deal with numerous complaints about an employee washing their genitals in the communal bathroom sink. Nothing in the HR manual prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 244

You deserved it 2 381