Health

Zero stars on Trip Advisor

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I have an awful stomach virus. I can only drink liquids and can't eat anything solid, especially anything spicy. My dad forced me to eat the fajitas he'd made for dinner and screamed at me when I told him I couldn't, then screamed at me again for "wasting food" when I predictably threw up all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 86

Accounting

By SOME QUESTIONS DON'T NEED ANSWERS - 29/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I came home to my boyfriend weighing a cup of shit on the kitchen scale. After I finished screaming in horror, he said he wanted to know how much his average dump weighed, so he could calculate how many pounds of shit he'd made in his adult life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 123

Trippin'

By oxymorons - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter, or my son. Turns out they all are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 3 271

Make it stop

By hiccup - 28/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, as always, I get the hiccups ten times a day, sometimes more. They are very painful, and the only thing that makes them go away is water. The doctors have found no apparent cause. I hate my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 100

Gutted

By G…… - 28/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try a new "exotic" restaurant that just recently opened. I paid almost a hundred bucks for a bowl of oily meat sludge and a bunch of mushy vegetables, then got to shit my brains out all night. Exotic my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 133

Brief encounter

By *School PTSD Intensifies* - 27/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I, a person who has graduated high school, encountered one of my high school teachers in public. The one known for her rampant ableism against me and tendency to get heated when people don't respond immediately to her when she talks. I've had horrible social anxiety for several years. Do the math. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 232

Gotta get that clout

By Burr - 27/02/2024 11:00 - Brazil - Divinópolis

Today, my ex-boyfriend not only gave me syphilis, he published a video on all social media accusing ME to have given it to him, without ANY proof, and everyone believed him. Not only did he destroy my "social" life online, but he gained a lot of followers by doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 139

Knackered

By Crushed - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip, just so that she wouldn't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 965

You deserved it 495

Ban that "rule"!

By PeeFlavouredFloss - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 891

You deserved it 3 251

Heavy

By Destructive - 25/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my chair abruptly fell apart completely while I was sitting on it. I didn't even do anything. Have I really gained that much weight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 178

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 25/02/2024 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I totaled my car whilst rushing to pick up my son from daycare. This happened as I was leaving the hospital, after dropping off a wheelchair to my recently disabled wife, who is taking care of our newborn in the special care unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 160

Fighting fit

By Michael - 24/02/2024 18:00 - United States - Hampton

Today, after training for 3 months for a marathon, three weeks from race day I tripped and fell during my last long run and cracked a rib, so I took ten painful days off. I decided to go try a short run to see if maybe I could still try the race, and got attacked by a German Shepard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 113

Adieu

By Pain - 24/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I saw an old friend while out and about. Since I don't leave the house very often, my friend was surprised to see me in person. He jokingly asked if someone was dying, and I cried in response. I was in fact going to the hospital to say goodbye to my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 127

First time?

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was mortified when I went to the doctor for what I thought was an allergic reaction rash and turned out to just be a bad carpet burn from rough sex, on my back and my ass cheeks. The doctor was visibly trying not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 446

Bad day

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I looked up 8 videos, questioned my entire existence, actually hurt myself, and cried profusely trying to open a bottle of wine. Just in case anyone thought I was smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 360

Thanks, vultures

By Seizure Surprise - 21/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I had a seizure at work and had to go to the hospital. I'd saved up a bunch of money and was on the verge of moving out at the embarrassing age of 26, but thanks to lackluster health insurance, I lost all of my money and am now in debt. I also now can't drive for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 103

Skittish

By bronzemedal97 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 073

You deserved it 3 311

Brain worms

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I realized I've been saying "Excuse me" to automatic sliding doors for the past week. They haven't responded yet, but I'll keep you posted on their social skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 170

Support system

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 03:00 - United States - South Park Township

Today, I found out that I have a heart disease. When I went to tell my family, they all said that it should kill me faster so that I can donate my organs to my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 96

Freakout!

By beer guy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 548

You deserved it 2 571

The blame game

By Anonymous - 18/02/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I got bad food poisoning. Again. The first time I thought it was the stomach bug that’s going around, so once I felt better, I proceeded to eat leftover food that actually got me sick the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 662

Get me out of here

By Shawn - 18/02/2024 06:00 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I have polymyositis. A muscle disease. Pretty advanced. I'm only able to work a few hours a week. In 2018 my roommate assaulted me in a drunken blackout. My boss moved me into her windowless garage. She and her husband run a catering business. They steal card tips, and cheat on their taxes. I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 125

Warts and all

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States - Anchorage

Today, I woke up from surgery to find that the chronic warts on my right hand hadn't been removed. The doctor informed me that they'd grown into my radial nerve, so impossible to remove without permanent paralysis. My immune system sucks, so this is just in my hand forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 339

You deserved it 343

Mrs Motivator

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I found out that my friend uses pictures of me to motivate her to work out. They are accompanied by sayings such as, "You don't want to turn out like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 846

You deserved it 5 728

Time is precious

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 14/02/2024 14:00 - United States - Gilbert

Today, and over the past three months, I and four of my immediate family have been in hospital. Debilitating foot infection. Brain tumor. Urinary tract infection. Stroke. I just found out a few minutes ago my aunt just went in. I'm starting to think I'm going to be losing relatives any second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 91

Work it

By Anonymous - 13/02/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was excited about my new fitness tracker that I decided to go for a run to test it out. Midway through, I looked down and realized I'd forgot to turn it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 431

My morning routine

By Flaky - 13/02/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, the eczema on my hands is so bad that my phone's touch screen didn't want acknowledge my fingers as human skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 77

The pits

By BFF4L - 12/02/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was running late for work and grabbed what I thought was my deodorant. Turns out, it was my husband's foot spray. Now I'm at the office smelling like a combination of roses and athlete's foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 349

Suspect

By Anonymous - 12/02/2024 14:00

Today, I had to explain to yet another HR manager that no, my bruises, scratches, and scars do not mean I’m lying about being in an abusive marriage, it just means I’m a Muay Thai fighter who owns a cat who is a moody, scratchy little bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 136

Unlucky 180

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m in hospital because a pub dart fell from the sky, seemingly from nowhere, and stuck itself in the top of my skull. I was walking my dog, I wasn’t near any trees or any high buildings it could have fallen from. If someone threw it from where I couldn’t see them, it was a very lucky shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 84

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I had to use my husband's vehicle. He has been spiraling into a mean, bigoted man. I got into his vehicle and the radio was on a station that was spewing weird stereotypes of women, and making fun of anyone who is not a hard supporter of a certain orange politician/businessman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 251

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 789

You deserved it 6 163

The Top

Today, I saved a woman from drowning at a pool where I lifeguard, but when I got her out of the water she started screaming about sexual assault. Apparently I accidentally brushed her breasts when pulling her up and out of the water. She wants to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 901

You deserved it 269

Today, after being hospitalized last week due to a severe mental breakdown, my mom is still mad at me for missing her big solo at church. She had even tried to demand I be released from the hospital for it. She's still going on about how she thinks I missed it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 115

You deserved it 248

Today, I miscarried my baby. My teen sister, who has autism and can’t handle being around children, congratulated me on getting my freedom back, and also on miscarrying before I got fat like our mom. I can’t even yell at her because she wouldn’t understand why I’m upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 162

Today, my idiot roommate read somewhere that bacon grease could be used on squeaky doors and windows. Now, we're desperately trying to scrub the rancid goop out of door hinges and window tracks. Our whole place smells like rotten pig ass and death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 249

You deserved it 446

Today, my mom called me a "heartless bitch" for eating the last Hot Pocket. This is coming from a woman who, just last week, faked having cancer to get out of a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 531

You deserved it 2 533

Today, I was putting groceries into my car, and I put the eggs on the driver's seat while I arranged my other bags. I was frustrated because the dome light was acting up, which drives me crazy. Once I got everything in, I crankily plopped into the car. I had never moved the eggs off my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 141

You deserved it 30 605