Miscellaneous

Living the dream

By notyourcleaner - 13/01/2015 11:06 - Malaysia - Puchong

Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 152

You deserved it 2 694

By livingstonjamie - 13/01/2015 08:28 - Australia - Hampton

Today, a council worker showed up on my doorstep for the final pool installation inspection, which was scheduled 10 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 756

You deserved it 2 447

By Goth_Hawk - 13/01/2015 08:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 174

You deserved it 8 922

Goth_Hawk tells us more.

Goth_Hawk 28

Tuesday 13 January 2015 18:18

I'm OP, she does have a jaw issue, and the doctors have said they would have to break her jaw to fix it. I thought about it because it was 3am and the thought of her chewing came to mind as I was reading some of the dirtier submissions on FML. It was so jarring that I had to post it.

By PO'd big bro - 13/01/2015 01:11 - United States - Toccoa

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 027

You deserved it 2 280

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 22:12 - United States - San Pablo

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 589

You deserved it 3 054

By kb - 10/01/2015 14:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 700

You deserved it 22 316

By Lily_Rain77 - 08/01/2015 00:52 - Canada - Squamish

Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 170

You deserved it 2 791

Lily_Rain77 tells us more.

Lily_Rain77 25

Thursday 8 January 2015 19:58

the best part wad when he looked at me afterwards and he realised what .he said.

By ijustwantpizza - 07/01/2015 12:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 634

You deserved it 7 574

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 01:26 - United States - Washington

Today, I spent an hour in a snowstorm waiting for my bus to show up. After I got fed up, I decided to just clean off my car and drive to work. After I was halfway finished swiping off the snow and ice stuck to my car, the bus drove right past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 476

You deserved it 4 407

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 00:26 - United States - Eureka

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 554

You deserved it 4 299

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 623

You deserved it 4 701

By rimenrezon - 06/01/2015 14:10 - United States - Tampa

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 946

You deserved it 2 488

One happy family

By anon - 06/01/2015 00:15 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 274

You deserved it 2 515

By ivegotapackage - 05/01/2015 23:47 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 765

You deserved it 2 086

By help - 05/01/2015 18:52 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I finally got a restraining order against my violent ex. My mom now keeps finding ways to tell me how shitty I am for breaking the "poor boy's" heart and how I didn't deserve him anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 032

You deserved it 2 806

By shittysituation - 05/01/2015 06:27 - United States - Milpitas

Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 535

You deserved it 3 130

By KD - 04/01/2015 21:53 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my friends and I were talking about our celebrity lookalikes. We decided that my friends all had attractive celebrity lookalikes, including Scarlett Johansson and Hayden Panettiere. When it was my turn, they decided that my "celebrity" lookalike is the Pillsbury Doughboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 636

You deserved it 3 981

By Dear Lord Save Me - 04/01/2015 03:56 - United Kingdom - Merthyr Tydfil

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 159

You deserved it 3 306

By whatajerk - 03/01/2015 03:11 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 192

You deserved it 4 687

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:46 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 167

You deserved it 2 575

By tokinallday - 02/01/2015 19:23 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 370

You deserved it 2 504

By jitterbug - 02/01/2015 05:36 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 745

You deserved it 4 736

By CK95 - 01/01/2015 23:02 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 840

You deserved it 8 052

Happy New Year to all the cats out there

By HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat - 01/01/2015 05:25 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I'm celebrating New Year's with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 274

You deserved it 6 890

By Yeah-It's-Just-Me - 01/01/2015 00:52 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 321

You deserved it 2 674

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 20:29 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 090

You deserved it 2 894

By driverboy - 31/12/2014 08:08 - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 914

You deserved it 4 878

By cannedpeas - 31/12/2014 03:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my aunt and uncle came into the restaurant I work at to give me a late Christmas gift. The gift was the $20 tip they left, which got divided amongst all the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 091

You deserved it 2 304

cannedpeas tells us more.

cannedpeas 19

Wednesday 31 December 2014 15:05

Well this got posted surprisingly fast To clarify: they didn't realize that the tips we receive are for everyone, not just the waitresses. I didn't bother asking then for another $20 because I figured, hey, it's the thought that counts, and I ended up getting a decent tip pay that night anyways. Thanks for the nice comments :)

By Anonymous - 30/12/2014 09:57 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 158

You deserved it 2 994