Relatable

What if God was one of us?

By This is why people are abandoning religion. - 05/03/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, my parents have been slowly coming closer to figuring out that I'm an atheist. They've stated to me and my siblings since we were old enough to think independently that if any of us turned out to be atheists, they'd disown us. I'm not sure what to do here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 176

What could've been…

By Anonymous - 05/03/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I randomly bumped into the girl of my dreams, my high school sweetheart whom I lost 15 years ago when my parents decided to emigrate us. I couldn’t help myself, I went up to her hoping the old spark was still there. She was just as sweet now as she was then, just heavily pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 179

No excuses

By pissedexworker - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 534

You deserved it 2 495

Lost the plot

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I went to Subway. A lady was in the line with her toddler. The kid screamed in his bid for attention, while his mother and the cashier ignored him, to the point that his voice became a loud screech and the sandwich artist couldn't hear me. I bellowed, "SHUT THAT KID UP!" Silence and glares followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 386

Home sweet home, or not

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I returned from my holiday in Cairo and was planning to go straight to bed, seeing as I had landed at 2 a.m. All was going well, until I tried to open my front door and realised that I'd left my keys, my S23+ phone, and my wallet in the cab I took home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 212

RIP Dipper

By Anonymous - 29/02/2024 21:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, I made the mistake of watching The Daily Show clip where Jon Stewart talks about losing his dog, and it made me think of my dog I lost. Then, right on cue, the song "Every Breath You Take" came on. Now I'm waiting for my doctor's office to open and sobbing in the car, with people staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 205

Strewth!

By Relieved of child-creating obligations - 29/02/2024 02:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my niece will be born in about three months, and I just realized I'm more excited about my mom no longer being on my case about when I'm going to make her a grandma than I am about being an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 104

Make it stop

By hiccup - 28/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, as always, I get the hiccups ten times a day, sometimes more. They are very painful, and the only thing that makes them go away is water. The doctors have found no apparent cause. I hate my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 100

But my grandbabies!

By Anonymous - 26/02/2024 16:00 - United States - DeWitt

Today, my fiancé and I were having dinner with my parents. My mom asked when we were thinking of having kids. My fiancé cheerfully said, “When pigs fly and Hell freezes over!” He’s right, but I was hoping to break the news a little more gently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 212

In the sticks

By I belong in the city!!!! - 26/02/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, it's been a week since my family moved from a city to a house we inherited out in the middle of nowhere. It's horrible! There's wild animals everywhere, my dad says I have to help take care of the house now, it's a thirty minute ride to school, there's no sidewalks, and I hate it here! I want to go back! FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 600

Heavy

By Destructive - 25/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my chair abruptly fell apart completely while I was sitting on it. I didn't even do anything. Have I really gained that much weight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 178

Meritocracy

By Anonymous - 24/02/2024 09:00 - Jamaica

Today, after six months of doing the job of 2 people, because all my coworker does is sleep and sit down with her phone, I told my boss that I can't be doing my coworker's job and getting the same salary as her. My boss added just $10 to my salary and told me to let her carry on doing nothing, while I still do the work of 2 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 132

Panic!

By Only an orange cat... - 22/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 112

Bad day

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I looked up 8 videos, questioned my entire existence, actually hurt myself, and cried profusely trying to open a bottle of wine. Just in case anyone thought I was smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 359

Been there, can't do that

By Anonymous - 21/02/2024 01:00 - United Arab Emirates - Sharjah

Today, I feel like I made the worst choice of my life and I have to pay the consequences, and I seriously feel like shit. I need help. Moving abroad to study at 30 was the worst mistake and I hate my life here. I want to go back but I lost everything back home and I don't have anything here. I'm stuck; I just want to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 218

Brain worms

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I realized I've been saying "Excuse me" to automatic sliding doors for the past week. They haven't responded yet, but I'll keep you posted on their social skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 168

Belief it or not

By Anonymous - 19/02/2024 23:00

Today, every boyfriend I’ve ever had dumped me because they realised I was serious about saving myself until marriage. I’m now in my late 30s, single, and childless. My sister, whose knickers were up and down like a yo-yo in high school, is happily married with 3 great kids. Religion is for idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 1 227

Mom of the year

By Bianca - 19/02/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my car’s at the mechanic's so I called my mom and asked her to come pick me up from class, since it ends at 9pm and I was scared to walk home at night. She told me, “Oh honey, you have nothing to worry about, you’re too fat to get raped, plus you need the exercise.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 194

Attitude

By Anonymous - 17/02/2024 15:00 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I've decided that I am destined to be unhappy. I seem to get too invested in the ones who don't care. Including my current marriage, which is inevitably doomed no matter how much effort I put into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 192

Rural charm

By jlc82 - 17/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, the most exciting thing going on in my hometown is a that cow escaped its slaughterhouse transport, only to be put down by our highway patrol. He's got his own Facebook page and everything. Welcome to Ohio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 124

Figure it out

By brosef - 17/02/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, I'm a guy who's always been physically a late bloomer. In high school, I looked too young for girls to like me. At 22, I still looked 17. Now at 25, I look good but when girls find out my age, they expect me to have everything figured out by now. I never got to be young. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 211

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 15/02/2024 00:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, my boyfriend still doesn't "believe" in Valentine's Day. Every year I feel stupid for caring about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 568

Buzz off

By Anonymous - 14/02/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my husband and kids wait until I’m out of the house before doing fun activities like water fights, board games, Xbox sessions, football, and the like. Apparently I’m such a buzzkill and moody sore loser, they can only have fun without me around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 1 041

Call center hell

By AndrewC - 14/02/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, while I was working at a call center, a customer was pranking me using an obviously fake Asian accent. He kept saying his name was “Phuck Mi”, his phone number was 666-3629 (as in "Sex sex sex free sex tonight") and making moaning noises and sexual phrases. I don’t get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 133

Give me something, anything!

By Anonymous - 13/02/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was hired as an aide to a manager. He only works 2 hours a day, so I only work for 2 hours. The other 8 hours of my day I'm bored because I’m not allowed to go home, watch YouTube, browse Facebook, or read a book, so I just sit at my desk, earning £0.17 over minimum wage, to stare at a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 151

You really shouldn't have

By ParentsSleepingOnMyCouch - 13/02/2024 00:00 - United States - Renton

Today, I was awakened by knocking on my door, only to find my parents standing there. Turns out, they booked two one-way tickets to visit me from another country. Their plan? I should scrap my upcoming 2-week vacation to hang out because they invested in this trip. Oh, and they didn't book a hotel. I'm 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 103

Green fingers

By Claire - 11/02/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, it's been a few weeks since I took up gardening to relax, caring for my plants, and they finally started blooming. Excitedly, I posted a picture online, only to have a friend tell me that my "beautiful flowers" are actually weeds. Apparently, I have a talent for cultivating the unwanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 128

Quickie

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend came over he was on his phone. We spent about 15 minutes together before having sex, then he made a phone call and said he had to leave. I could hear him from my window apologising to his coworker because he “just had to do something real quick but was now free to talk again.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 158

Silver lining

By Beeky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Helena

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 436

You deserved it 3 316

Bigfoot

By Hairy ass - 08/02/2024 00:00 - Germany - Frankfurt am Main

Today, in the locker room, I saw a girl with a nice hairless ass changing in front of me and the only thing I could think of was how hairy my ass would look if I dared to change in front of other people like she did. I’m also a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 183

Keywords

Dogs Transportation Accident Thanksgiving Cars Love Embarrassing Alcohol Awkward Animals Scary Work Annoying Pizza Health Healthy Lifestyle Miscellaneous Family Food Stressed out Parents Kids Confused Exhausted Relatable Thief Money Birthday Argument AITA

The Top

Today, I'm in love with my best friend. We are intimate but live 24 hours away from one another. We had been discussing him moving closer to me, which was a recent turn of events and I was elated. We could finally be together… until some unexpected tragic news uncovered a kid he wasn't aware of. Now he's a single dad and staying put. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 123

Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 242

The Top

Today, I was recently diagnosed with mononucleosis. This means that I'm really tired. I had been planning a trip with my sister and my cousin, but I didn’t wake up this morning at 7 because of the Mono, and they didn’t bother to wake me up. They went without me, to all my favorite places, leaving me at home with nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 526

You deserved it 671

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 566

You deserved it 25 171

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 341

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 643

You deserved it 6 788

Today, I finally unfriended my roommate's mom on Facebook after months of her commenting on my wall multiple times a day and basically stalking me. After discovering this, she drove to our apartment to demand through hysterical tears that my roommate move out because I can't be trusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 792

You deserved it 3 327

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 582

You deserved it 2 843