Weird

Social bumbling

By A massive racist, apparently - 09/06/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out it's apparently racist to point out that a person has a unique spelling for a common name. I then found out it's even more racist to yell at the person who tells you in a very condescending tone that "it's a common spelling," even though I've literally never seen it before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 838

Very unhealthy

By Anonymous - 08/06/2023 15:00

Today, a coworker asked me out and we’ve been on a few dates. I had no idea why she’d want to date me, until after we had sex and she started crying and confessed she was molested as a teen, and since her attacker was short and gross like me, she wanted to use me to work out her repressed issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 171

Perpetual 420

By anon - 08/06/2023 06:00

Today, I came home to pizza boxes piled high, dirty laundry everywhere, and a sink full of roaches, but all I did was smoke a bowl and turn the Switch on. My boyfriend and I have let our lives fall apart ever since our state legalized weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 1 739

Feel the burn

By Anonymous - 07/06/2023 12:00

Today, I hooked up with a guy. After sex, I found him washing his penis with BLEACH. I asked what the hell he was doing; apparently his mother makes him do it because sex is sinful and dirty, and all unmarried women have STDs. WHAT THE… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 293

Skillset

By Anonymous - 07/06/2023 00:02

Today, my son has the bizarre ability to remember any movie or series he has ever watched, even from the sounds without seeing the screen. He just identified Jumanji by the sound of Van Pelt's rifle, despite not having watched the movie in years… yet he only passed two GCSEs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 204

Dracula sucks

By (-,..,-) - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I lost out on a job opportunity because the interviewer said my "fake fangs are unprofessional and frankly disturbing." The "fangs" are my real canines, and they have always looked this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 789

You deserved it 1 844

Helicopter parents

By Anonymous - 03/06/2023 00:02

Today, my dad tried to confiscate my car keys because he doesn’t like how late I stay out on the weekends. I’m 26, have owned my own home since I was 24, and also how the fuck does he know what time I get home? My own dad is stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 91

Nitpicking

By Anonymous - 01/06/2023 21:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boss told me I may lose my job due to underperformance. I was shocked, as he'd previously mentioned that I was performing well, and that I was safe from the current company wide layoffs. I asked him what I need to improve on. He said that my instant messages to him are sometimes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 125

Freeloader

By Anonymous - 01/06/2023 10:00

Today, my new roommate with I've been living for 30 days told me that we needed to consolidate our funds. When I said no, they called me a racist Karen. I don’t have a choice of roommate, due to being in a program. I'm the only one working and this person has no desire to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 102

Mystery pooch

By Scarred - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Marquette

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 831

You deserved it 2 435

Mega hair

By allergiesbegone - 27/05/2023 21:00 - United States - Elizabeth City

Today, I realized my "year-round allergies" might have been the result of a nearly 2-inch nostril hair I trimmed out last week. Years of constant sneezing and leaky nose with no medicine helping it, suddenly gone. I can't believe I've suffered half my life thinking I had super allergies, over one stray nose hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 173

Long time coming

By Anonymous - 22/05/2023 00:02

Today, my daughter got her first house. As soon as she had the keys, she turned on me, ranting at everything she thinks I’ve done to wrong her, and how she never wants to see me again. I don’t understand, I paid for all her furniture, and we still go on mother/daughter trips. Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 268

AITA?

By mattie - 15/05/2023 21:00 - United States - Montgomery

Today, the guy I was talking to for about 3 years, started dating in December, and was super happy about it, told my friends, and he told me he loved me within the first week, has now broken up with me. All because I "said I love you too quickly." He said it first and now his friends think I'm batshit crazy. Is he a dick or am I overreacting? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 133

Kinda cruel, son

By Anonymous - 15/05/2023 10:00

Today, my son had a child to spite his ex and ex-stepson. He was holding his daughter in his arms in the delivery room when he told me that now I can stop visiting his ex-stepson and pretending he’s my real grandchild, because now I have a real granddaughter. I’m speechless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 224

Ignore! Ignore!

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 22:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I was at a job interview when my phone started ringing. It was my mom, so I quickly hit "Ignore", which was probably for the best since she was obviously drunk. She left a voicemail in which she sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It's not my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 129

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 09/05/2023 06:00 - United States - Burton

Today, I found out that all together, I have mono, strep, a UTI, and a enlarged spleen. How am I going to tell my friend that I made out with his dad, and now his dad is sick? This man gives his newborn kisses every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 1 474

Weird logic

By lazy lazy lazy! - 08/05/2023 00:00

Today, I realized how lazy my daughter truly is when I saw her shivering under a thin blanket on top of her perfectly made bed. I asked why she didn’t just climb under her covers to sleep warm and comfortable. She said that this way she doesn’t have to make up her bed every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 228

Such a Samantha

By heartbroken - 07/05/2023 22:00

Today, I excitedly told my best friends I was pregnant. Their responses were, "Ewww, I hate babies", "So we're not getting brunch anymore? That sucks" and "Do you need an abortion? I know a great clinic." Not one of them congratulated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 304

Spill the tease

By Anonymous - 07/05/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend teased me by asking if I wanted to fuck her best friend in the ass. Obviously it was a joke, but now I can't stop thinking about it and I know it will never happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 1 080

Play stupid games…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Chelan

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 224

You deserved it 5 461

Red flags all over

By vernyl - 02/05/2023 22:00

Today, I had to explain to my husband why a Facebook comment that says, “Such a tight body, I bet you can ride some dick real good!” towards a female friend of his is inappropriate. He insists it’s a compliment and accused me of being a “misogynist” and not supporting “female body positivity.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 267

Piss off

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 12:00

Today, I had to deal with my crazy new neighbour who tried to physically stop me from laying my new driveway, on my property, because she claimed she’s allergic to cement while it’s still wet. Even if that were true, piss off back to your house away from the wet cement then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 96

Mystery

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 00:00

Today, somewhere between home and work, my glasses vanished off my face. I know I had them on before I set off because I cleaned them in the car and put them on, then halfway to work I suddenly had to squint to see because glasses gone. I’ve been searching for an hour, they are nowhere. HOW? FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 155

Damn, son

By Bob - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 745

You deserved it 3 753

Don't attempt this at home

By they have no sense of humor - 28/04/2023 18:00

Today, in an attempt to win a political argument, I recorded myself walking into a gun store and asking which gun would be best to hypothetically deal with my neighbor's annoying kids. I now have a recording of myself being chewed out, banned for life, and perp-walked out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 2 104

Link?

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 03:00

Today, while sprinting, I tripped, fell, and somehow managed to kick myself in the balls. Legs shouldn’t bend like that and I’m frankly amazed I didn’t break my knee. My wife got the whole thing on video too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 137

Logan Roy origins

By newscorp employee - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 770

You deserved it 3 574

Money slave issues

By Flexxxxzz - 22/04/2023 18:00

Today, I found out my husband is a sugar daddy to a 19 year-old college girl. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with it because, “It’s not like we have sex or anything, just friendship” and gave me a lecture about how just because he’s married doesn’t mean he can’t have friends. He’s 53. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 186

Badass fighting talk

By Welp - 19/04/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I was caught trying to use the employee bathroom at the back of the store when an employee asked if I worked there. I responded with, “Oh what? Are you a hall monitor? That’s what I thought!” but ended up bumping into a corner and my nose started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 641

Paranoid

By dumb&dumped - 17/04/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after we played the "Which celebrity would you sleep with?” game. He decided that since all my answers were guys who looked nothing like him, that I must secretly find him unattractive. Oh and that I would cheat with any of those guys if given the opportunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 240

Keywords

Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Animals Awkward Smells Love Miscellaneous Embarrassing Painful Health First Dates Work Christmas Music Grieving Social Media Boredom Anniversary Intimacy Abuse Ironic Drunk AITA Am I overreacting? Transportation Alcohol Gun control Kids Parents

The Top

Today, I’ve worked out that my neighbour is cheating. Her husband leaves at 7, another guy arrives at 9, vigorous sex noises last for an hour, then the guy leaves. It’s come to this has it, I’m so bored since losing my job that I’ve become a nosy neighbour lady. Why won’t anyone hire me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 244

Today, I got home and found my girlfriend in bed with another guy. After the screaming, yelling, and kicking them both out of my house, all I wanted was whiskey. I found the bottle under the bed. It wasn’t enough the guy was porking my girlfriend, he had to drink my booze too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 112

The Top

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 643

You deserved it 4 347

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 723

You deserved it 4 302

Today, once again, my mom chewed me out for, “playing games on the computer all day.” I’m not playing, it’s 3D modeling, and it’s my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 91

Today, while examining my busted nose in the mirror, I had a sneeze attack. Now it looks like someone got their throat slashed in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 111

You deserved it 1 472

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 161

You deserved it 6 914

Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 172

You deserved it 3 006