Work

By Anonymous - 21/11/2014 00:43 - United States

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 929

You deserved it 10 892

By spreadburger - 21/11/2014 00:29 - United States - Tampa

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 949

You deserved it 2 844

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 23:59 - United States - Eugene

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 000

You deserved it 5 923

Moron

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, becausen "WiFi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said, "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 922

You deserved it 4 220

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 16:20 - Canada - Sherbrooke

Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 284

You deserved it 3 920

By bookworm - 19/11/2014 20:56 - United States - Victoria

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 689

You deserved it 5 910

Wait, what?

By HereToLaughAtU - 18/11/2014 04:16 - United States - Des Moines

Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 493

You deserved it 4 810

By ohgosh... - 18/11/2014 03:10 - United States - Fenton

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 284

You deserved it 2 772

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 16:59 - United States

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 559

You deserved it 2 587

By username - 17/11/2014 03:52 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my father told me to "go get a job". He has been unemployed for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 974

You deserved it 3 250

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 02:25 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 221

You deserved it 2 596

By UH60 - 15/11/2014 22:58 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I have an Army fitness test. I was worried I'd cramp up during the last mile of the run, so I drank a large amount of water in preparation. I later woke up in the very small barracks that I share with three other people, soaking in a puddle of my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 582

You deserved it 6 529

UH60 tells us more.

UH60 26

Sunday 16 November 2014 9:31

Yep, didn't cramp and so dropped two minutes off my run.

Weird customer of the day

By ChimerV - 15/11/2014 18:20 - France - Champenoux

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 4 160

By thefatnurse - 13/11/2014 02:48 - United States - Roswell

Today, one of the patients on the mental health unit where I work looked me up and down and said, "Well, I guess it's a popular misconception that all fat people are jolly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 207

You deserved it 4 621

By elsatheannoyed - 12/11/2014 04:34 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman. My name is Elsa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 119

You deserved it 4 541

By Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX - 12/11/2014 03:16 - United States - Spotswood

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 102

You deserved it 5 188

By Tyrez - 11/11/2014 21:57 - United States

Today, I lost all hope on making my project high quality because of my partner's incompetence. My partner, AKA the company president. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 396

You deserved it 2 532

Tyrez tells us more.

Tyrez 32

Wednesday 12 November 2014 20:10

The project we are working on is a video. So far it looks like something we would have done in high school. He thinks that a screenshot means taking a picture of the screen. I should probably take your advice and do most of it on my own but make sure he feels like he contributed ;)

By all shat out - 07/11/2014 06:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 584

You deserved it 4 226

By NoJobNovember - 06/11/2014 19:09 - United States - Wadsworth

Today, I took a video of a fellow employee doing nothing but watching YouTube videos at work. When I showed the video to my boss, hoping he'd be reprimanded, I got fired for operating video equipment on company grounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 566

You deserved it 38 281

By HelpMe1 - 06/11/2014 06:53 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, my boss told me to fire the unstable, former military, gun nut employee. He's been making death threats to his supervisors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 247

You deserved it 2 951

By jobless - 06/11/2014 02:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 034

You deserved it 3 236

Waiting room issues

By Anonymous - 04/11/2014 19:08 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 482

You deserved it 7 605

By Anonymous - 04/11/2014 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, army recruiters came to my school and set up some punching bags to attract potential recruits. I gave it a shot, managing to set the highest score at my school and fracture my wrist at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 945

You deserved it 7 030

By blondieforlife - 04/11/2014 03:38 - United States - Racine

Today, I left my desk to go to the bathroom. I arrived back at my desk to a large package of SlimQuick packets. Guess my coworkers think I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 517

You deserved it 3 593

By Not A Pervert - 04/11/2014 00:00 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 5 740

By I don't want to be here anymore - 03/11/2014 21:16 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 784

You deserved it 3 292

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 03/11/2014 18:03 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I told my boss I'm going to quit, after months of being abused, doing meaningless work, and working late every day. I was soon given so many new projects that I didn't even have time to write my resignation letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 863

You deserved it 5 910

By demotivator - 02/11/2014 21:38 - Romania - Timisoara

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 119

You deserved it 27 609

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:59 - United States - Deatsville

Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 999

You deserved it 3 498

By anonymous - 31/10/2014 23:28 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 853

You deserved it 2 710

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 980

Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 231

The Top

Today, I told my husband I wanted to make him happy by giving him a baby. He told me either I can make him happy, or I can give him a baby, but I can’t do both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 843

Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 205

You deserved it 50 170

Today, my friend and I were brushing our teeth, standing side by side. We both have a sympathy gag reflex. He brushed his tongue and gagged, which caused me to gag. So we had a never ending gag-fest until we both began throwing up and couldn't stop until one of us could manage to hold it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 163

You deserved it 3 091

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 831

You deserved it 7 460

Today, I got into a minor argument with my fiancé. Deciding it wasn't worth fighting over, I shrugged and said, "Really, what are we even doing this for?" To which he replied, "Honestly, I don't know. I haven't loved you in years… Oh, you meant about the fight." And just like that, I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 225

You deserved it 2 764

Today, I found out my roommate has been cheating me out of hundreds of dollars when I finally obtained records of the past year's electric bills, which are in her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 216